Thursday, October 27, 2011
I wanted to post an encouraging word on her Face Book profile because the over the past couple of months she's had some real struggles. She recently lost her career, her dog became ill and died, and last month, she buried her husband of thirty years. His death was tragic. He'd never been sick a day in his life. One morning, he didn't feel quite right. A few days later, he was dead. I can't even imagine!
How does one find the strength to keep going after all that?
I came upon a post another friend of hers had recently posted on her Face Book profile. This is a REAL friend--one who knows her personally, lives in the same town, and actually knows her phone number. I happen to know this friend personally, as well. Here is what that "friend" posted:
"Thinking of you during your difficult time, but I am beginning to doubt our friendship. It would be nice if you picked up the phone once in awhile and called me!"
Is it just me, or does anyone else see anything wrong with that?
Some people wonder why they have no friends. To have a friend, you must be a friend.
Be a true friend. Pick up the phone. Show her how much you care. Go the extra mile-- especially when she's hurting. You might not have the right words to say, but a little effort goes a long way and means everything.
If you are not a friend, you will have no friends. You get what you give. Eventually, sorrow will come knocking at your door. When it does, you're gonna need a friend.......
And this is my Daily Cyn.......
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Way back in 1999, I took a trip into New York City to check out a school. It was an Open House/Meet and Greet sort of thing. I really didn't want to go at all, but after several lengthy telephone conversations with the Admissions Coordinator of the school, I felt I owed it to her to at least show up.
I was filled with mixed emotions about all of it.
First of all, I couldn't believe I was actually entertaining the idea of handing over a large chunk of my savings to this school or considering a career in a field I knew absolutely nothing about. This was certainly the most ridiculous idea I'd ever had but yet a voice inside kept telling me this was something I needed. I just couldn't ignore it.
Secondly, the school was in the city! This meant if I decided to attend (which I probably wouldn't) I was going to have commute back and forth. ALONE! AT NIGHT!
Basically, I was going to visit the school to find everything wrong with it and hopefully silence that voice within forever.
Now I'd been to the city before, but never alone. It was always with a group and usually our purpose in being in such an awful, sinful place like New York City was to attend some kind of Christian function- like a Billy Graham Crusade or a Gospel Music show. I had no idea how to get around. I know now it's pretty much impossible to get lost in there because of the way it's all laid out ( it's basically one big grid with streets running one way, avenues the other--in numerical order). I knew nothing about train schedules or subways and it just so happened this was at the same time some wacko was walking around the streets of mid-town killing folks by hitting them over the head with a cinder block. It was all over the news and my family and friends were convinced that I would become his next victim. And if I decided to really go this route and travel to the city regularly for school, I would be putting myself in harm's way too often and would end up being raped, murdered, drugged, mugged, beaten or kidnapped by some evil person lurking in the shadows.
The power of suggestion, folks. It really is a powerful thing. I was scared.....
I was determined to do this anyway so I convinced a girl friend to take the trip in with me. I bribed her with the promise of dinner and drinks on me (even though I had no idea where to actually go for dinner and drinks) right after we checked out the school. So there we were, two Long Island girls in the big city, tightly clutching our handbags for fear someone would come along and steal them. As we walked, the sky opened up and it began to rain- a torrential downpour. In my handbag, I had a cell phone, a map of the city, train schedules, makeup, hairspray, gum, candy, mints, an extra pair of pantyhose, notebooks, pens, pencils. I also had a stun-gun (YEP!) and a spray container of government issue mace--just in case we came in contact with Cinder block Guy. The one thing I didn't have was an umbrella. Word to the wise: always toss an umbrella in your bag when traveling to the city!
When we finally did arrive at our destination (we were about 45 minutes late and the president of the school was already giving his spiel), we were completely soaked and chilled to the bone. We were warmly received despite being so tardy. No one seemed to care that we both looked like drowned rats. A very pretty girl with a lovely smile handed us each a paper cup filled with a hot, thick, orange liquid and said, "Drink this. It will take away the chill and make you feel amazing!"
I was somewhat hesitant to drink it. After all, this was the city, I didn't know these people, and it could've been laced with drugs for all I knew. I had a fleeting vision of being dragged, stoned and stupid, into a dark alley behind the building. I quickly glanced around the room and noticed other people were drinking from the same cups and they all seemed fine. I fumbled through my over-flowing handbag for a tiny piece of paper in which to discard my big wad of sugar-free gum and then I took a sip. It was the most wonderful, warming, delicious soup I had ever tasted. It instantly heated me through and through and all my tension, fear, and doubt seemed to melt away with each sip of that glorious concotion.
If this was soup on drugs, give me more!
I turned to the girl who had given it to me. "Oh, my God, what is this?" I asked.
"It's carrot soup," she whispered. "I'll give you the recipe after."
My girlfriend was loving the soup, too. "This is the best stuff I've ever tasted," she said. "I think I could live off it."
I'd never heard of carrot soup and I detested cooked carrots. Growing up, my mother often made carrots for dinner but they were always from a can and they tasted awful. I never served them in my house. I would eat raw carrot sticks from time to time because I knew they were good for me but that's where I drew the line. It just never dawned on me that I could take a raw carrot, cook it or turn it into soup and actually like it!
Boy, have I come a long way!
Later on, I found the soup girl and asked for the recipe. I took out my note book and pen to write it all down and she laughed. "All you need are carrots and water," she said. "This is REAL food at it's best."
What? No chicken stock, no spices, no cream? No artificial flavors or colors? What kind of magical, mystical carrots did they use in this soup?
I made the soup myself the very next day and it was exactly the same. I also experienced all those warming, healing, peaceful feelings the moment I tasted it. I felt alive! There was something to all this and I needed to learn more about the healing power of REAL FOOD so I could share it with everyone!
I immediately hopped back on the train to the city, signed my name on the dotted line, and started attending classes the following fall. It was the best decision I ever made and I've never looked back!
It's hard believe this was only a little over a decade ago. I was thirty-seven years old when I took that trip into the city and decided I wanted to study health, healing and nutrition. I was different person back then. I was socially inept, shy, uneducated, frightened, narrow-minded, depressed, and completely dependent on others to make most of my decisions for me. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or what I was capable of in life. All I knew is that I was looking for something different and wanted to find my purpose and my passion.
I don't even know who that is person is any longer. I marvel at the things I've accomplished since then. I've changed so much, I can't even begin to describe it. I am strong, independent, fearless. The road has not always been easy and I've hit a few speed bumps, steered off course for a couple of years, and made some mistakes along the way but I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I have a rewarding career I love, friends I adore, and a life that is rich and full. And here's something really funny-- I loved the city so much I accepted a job offer there. I am in NewYork so often now, I am referred to as the City Girl! And the ones who tried to fill me with fear? Some are completely out of my life. The others admire and respect me for being independent and determined. How's that for a change?
A simple cup of carrot soup changed my life and launched my career. It is the foundation of my belief in the healing power of REAL FOOD. I live it, I teach it, I preach it. This is my purpose and my passion. This is where I am supposed to be............
As for that delicious carrot soup recipe, Contact me and I will send it to you.......
Eat REAL FOOD to live a REAL LIFE. A life that is simple, uncomplicated, passionate, fearless, joyful, peaceful.
That's my recipe.......
And this is my Daily Cyn.....
Monday, October 24, 2011
I am accustomed to dealing with skeptics in my line of work, but one particular client always stands out in my mind. Donna was a pretty, hard working, middle-aged woman. She was about thirty pounds overweight. At our first appointment, she told me she already knew she was wasting her time. I would never be able to help her. She had tried every single diet on the planet over the past few years and never lost a pound. She was angry, fed up and "destined to be fat for the rest of her life". She was gonna be a tough one. I took a deep, cleansing breath and inquired as to why she believed she was 'destined to be fat'.
"I am a bread addict!" she confessed.
"Why do you think you are addicted to bread?"
"I can't stop eating it," she responded. "I must have bread at every meal. I can eat a whole loaf all by myself. My husband and I eat out alot and when that bread basket arrives to the table, I just keep eating and eating until it's all gone. It's like I am possessed!"
"Have you always been so obsessed with bread?"
"No, that's the funny part," she said. " It's something that just sort of happened over the past two years and I've put so much weight! LOOK AT ME!"
I asked her to share what had been going on in her life over the past few years. Here is what she told me:
In the course of two years, she lost both of her parents.
Her husband lost his job.
They were forced to sell their home because they could no longer afford the mortgage.
They were currently renting an apartment with a very small kitchen and no dining room.
She was currently working two jobs while her husband continued to look for work.
Family dinners and gathering at her house came to a screeching halt after her parents passed away.
Her husband couldn't even boil water, so they ate the majority of their meals and even holiday dinners at restaurants because she was too tired, too stressed, and too depressed to cook.
She went on to say how important family dinners and gatherings always were to her. She recalled all the great meals they used to have together. She loved getting up early on Sunday mornings to put on a big pot of tomato sauce for pasta.
"My dad went to the bakery every Sunday to pick up loaves of fresh Italian bread. We would gather in the kitchen and dip the bread into the sauce as it simmered. We put some in oven with butter and chopped garlic, " she said. "We would pile bread in a big basket and pass it around the table. Oh, that bread was so good. I have such memories of laughter and love."
Donna just didn't have the time and energy, the finances, or the extra space in her home to host those dinners any more. She missed her parents and now that they were both gone, nothing was the same. She was sad because everyone seemed to be going their separate ways and she felt like she was disconnected from everything and everyone. The tough skeptic who sat across from me with arms folded across her chest, began to cry.
"Donna," I said. "I don't believe you're addicted to bread. You're addicted to the feeling that the bread gives you! Every time you see a basket filled with bread you eat too much of it because you are trying to fill a void in your life. You miss a family ritual that's obviously a very important part of who you are. Eating all the bread is a temporary fix to replace all those good feelings you had during your family dinners!"
I knew this was going to go one of two ways. She would either write me off a total crack-pot or sit up and pay attention.
She sat up and paid attention so I went right on talking.
"Why don't you try to get the family together for dinner at your place? Have everyone bring something so the whole burden and expense doesn't rest on you. If you don't have the time to make homemade sauce, buy a few jars of the best tomato sauce you can find instead. Nobody cares if you cooked it yourself or not. What really matters is that you are all together eating Sunday pasta, passing the breadbasket around the table, remembering your parents and making some new memories!"
"That's it?" she asked when I indicated our session was over. "No diet plan or list of forbidden foods?"
"Eat what you want," I said. "Your only assignment is to have a family dinner within the next two weeks, call me when you have it all set, and then come back and tell me about it after."
A few days later, Donna called to tell me she had arranged a family dinner at her apartment that Sunday. But now she was in a bit of panic because she had no idea where to put everyone.
"You'll figure it out!" I told her.
Two weeks later, Donna returned to my office with a different attitude. She had Sunday dinner at her home since I'd seen her last. She moved some of her furniture out of the living room and set up a big folding table so everyone could sit and eat together. She really didn't want to use sauce from a jar, so she set time aside the day before to prepare it. Not only that, but she also had the whole family over again on a Friday night for fried fish and green bean casserole, just like they used to do when her folks were still alive. Everyone had contributed something: salad, appetizers, fresh bread from the bakery, dessert.
"How are you doing with your bread addiction?" I asked.
"I still love my bread. I went out to my favorite restaurant right before our appointment tonight and had two big slices of bread with butter while waiting for the waitress to take my order." she said. "But I ordered a salad instead of an appetizer and I took one more piece of bread to eat with it. When my dinner arrived, I told the waitress to take the bread basket away."
"That' s great!" I told her. "You've made some very positive changes in a very short time. Keep going and come back to see me in two weeks."
"You're not gonna yell at me about the bread I ate at dinner?" she asked. "What about the butter? Isn't butter bad for me?"
"Donna, you're a big girl. If you want to eat bread with butter, go ahead! Eat it and enjoy!"
She arrived to her next appointment proudly announcing that she had hosted two Sunday dinners, another Friday night fish-fry, and was certain she lost some weight but was afraid to actually step on a scale and possibly "jinx it".
"I don't understand this," she said. "I'm not really doing anything different but yet my clothes are starting to feel loose! And my sister thinks she is losing weight, too!"
"And your bread addiction?" I asked.
"Well, the other day I ordered a huge salad for dinner at my favorite restaurant. It was loaded with lot of fresh veggies, sliced turkey breast, cubed cheese. It came with soup and two bread sticks. I ate the bread sticks." She paused for a moment. "I never touched the bread in the breadbasket! Oh. My.God! I didn't eat the bread!"
I smiled. "You didn't need the bread, Donna."
Donna continued on as my client for six months. In that time, she lost over thirty pounds. Sunday dinner at her house became a weekly ritual. One Friday night a month, she and her family gathered together for a fish-fry and a movie. She joined a gym for $20 a month. She still ate out at restaurants very often and occasionally enjoyed a piece of bread or two with butter. Sometimes, she didn't reach into the bread basket at all. I never told Donna that she couldn't or shouldn't eat bread. She simply didn''t need to have it any more.
I helped Donna with a lifestyle change. It never included a particular diet plan or list of forbidden foods. We simply identified her cravings and replaced them with food for the soul. In her case, she lost so much in a very short period of time: her parents, her home, her husband's income, the safety net of family and loved ones at all those big dinners. Once she realized she was relying on bread to provide of those loving, secure feelings and replaced the bread with what she really needed, she was "cured" of her addiction. End result: weight loss!
Are family dinners the answer to your weight issues? I don't know. Maybe. You could be packing on the pounds for different reasons. Stress. Boredom. Menopause. The typical American Diet!
If you are frustrated, depressed and tired of the diet roller coaster ride, contact me and let's chat.
One chat could change your life.
And this is my Daily Cyn.......
Friday, October 21, 2011
"My back hurts!"
My knees ache!"
My feet are killing me!"
I'm so tired!"
Many people I know suffer from one or all of these aches and pain. They're tired all the time. They pop Advil or pain pills to mask the pain. They suck down energy drinks or several cups of coffee to keep going.
Does this sound like you?
Did you know the majority of your aches, pains and fatigue can be greatly reduced or even eliminated?**
Want to know how?
That's right! Excess weight causes stress, pain and fatigue in your body. Don't believe me?
Take this test:
Find an item that weighs about ten pounds. Carry it with you all day long. Take it everywhere: to school, work, to the grocery store. Don't put it down, not even for a minute. How do you feel at the end of the day? I am pretty sure you're tired and your body aches. If you feel this way after just one day, imagine how your body feels carrying an extra ten pounds all the time? What if you're carrying an additional twenty, thirty, or even forty pounds of excess weight?
Do you think your aches, pains, fatigue and other complaints are because of excess weight**?
So what can you do?
First you need to determine whether or not you actually are overweight. If your pants don't fit or you're more comfortable in the larger size, you've probably gained a few pounds. The best tip I can give you is, no matter how tempting to go out and buy the larger size, DON'T! Cut back on what you're eating immediately. If you fail to address your weight gain from the very beginning, it will be that much easier to keep moving up a size for "comfort's sake" and before you know it, you'll be buying all your clothes from the Large Lady section or The Big and Tall Man department. And you'll have no idea how it ever got so out of hand!
What if you are way beyond that point? You've gone up two or three sizes in the past couple of years. Yep, you're overweight and you know it!
I am not a big fan of Weight Charts. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to fit into a category dictated by National Standards and sometimes that's just not possible. Some folks just look and feel better with a little more or a little less weight. You might be ten pounds overweight (according to the standard weight charts) but still look great and feel great with no complaints in the aches, pains or fatigue department. It's not about numbers, it's about how you feel! For the rest of you, I suggest you get an idea what you should weigh and how much excess weight you are carrying.
Here's a chart to determine this. Remember, this is only a guide but your ideal weight should fall somewhere in line with this chart (give or take a few pounds) based on your height and your build (small, medium, or large frame).
Once you have an idea of what you should weigh, step on a scale. How far off are you? Twenty pounds? Thirty? Forty? More? Whatever it is, you need to lose it. Forget crash diets, pills and potions. They never work, at least not long-term. You want to take off the pounds and keep them off- FOREVER!
The best way permanently take off weight is to eat a diet rich in lean protein, whole grains, and lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Eliminate most sugary treats and fatty snacks and stop eating at fast food restaurants. Avoid packaged, processed foods. I promise, the weight will come off. You will not drop ten pounds in a week but losing a pound or two in seven days is reasonable and healthy.
Here's a rule when it comes to weight loss:
OUTPUT MUST BE GREATER THAN INPUT!
This means, your level of activity must be more than what you are eating. That's right--exercise! You MUST MOVE YOUR BODY!
I never promote or suggest calorie counting, but if you want to lose weight, you must reduce the amount of food you eat. You shouldn't have to carry a pocket calorie counter for the rest of your life to remain a healthy size. That's just crazy. You are much smarter than you realize when it comes how much you should or shouldn't be eating. An Egg McMuffin and a hot chocolate with whipped cream for breakfast, a bacon double cheese burger, fries and milk shake at lunch, and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy at dinner is too much food! You will never lose weight eating that way. However, it's a good idea to determine how many calories you actually need to function and the number of calories you will need to reduce daily if you want to lose those extra pounds. Here's a formula:
How Many Calories Do I Need a Day?
For example, my body requires 1500 calories a day. If I want to lose a pound or two a week, I need to reduce that number daily by 500 calories. That's really not difficult, especially if my daily diet is wholesome, healthy and I am mindful of what I am eating and drinking. I don't have to count calories. I just need to cut back on a few things: the cheese on my eggs at breakfast, the bottle of soda with my lunch, the second glass of wine with dinner, that extra slice of garlic bread, cookies with my evening tea...... That's about 500 calories right there!
See how easy it is?
Losing weight really isn't all that difficult! It's not rocket science, folks.
When you get rid of that excess weight not only will you look better-- your aches, pains and fatigue might just disappear!
Do you need a little help or a push in the right direction? Let's schedule an appointment to chat about your lifestyle and your goals. Together we will come up with a personal plan that works for YOU! I am at your service.
And this is my Daily Cyn.......
**Disclaimer: This is NOT medical advice. I am not a physician nor do I claim to have the cure for pain. Sports injuries, accidents, carrying children, standing all day at work, lifting heavy items on the job, years of squeezing your feet into cheap, ill-fitting shoes--these can all cause great pain. Stress or depression can
make you feel tired all the time. These are legitimate reasons for aches, pains and fatigue. If you are under a doctor's care for any of these complaints or ailments, please do not discontinue your prescribed method of treatment.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The reason I am bringing this up is because I feel really awful about something that occurred this past weekend. I blasted two people with my big mouth and now neither of them wants to speak to me ever again. I didn't mean to lash out in such a harsh way, but I did. Blame it on stress, blame on lack of sleep, blame it on concern for a couple of my loved ones, but these two individuals frustrated me until I finally reached my breaking point and exploded. Couple all this with the fact my dad was rushed to the hospital with chest pain on Saturday right smack in the middle of everything else he's going through. I was on edge, to say the least. It didn't take much to push me right off the cliff.
The sad part is, this all could have been avoided had I not put their feelings ahead of mine. My resentment and anger toward them had been brewing for a long, long time. I should have nipped it all in the bud from the very beginning. This means, the first time I realized I was irritated by them or their actions, it was my responsibility to lovingly, but firmly, say something. Because they were adding more stress and drama to my life, I needed them to give me time and space for a little while. In the end, I did get what I wanted, but not quite the way I wanted.
If you don't say no or set some boundaries with people they will misunderstand your intentions and build false hopes concerning you, think it's okay to stalk you on Social Networking sites, suck up all your time, or harass you with constant phone calls and nasty text messages on the first free night you've had in months to go out with your girlfriends. Allowing stuff like this to continue causes resentment and anger to build inside. Mix it all together with extreme stress and when you least expect it, all hell breaks loose. That's what happened to me this past weekend. If you allow it to get that point, the damage will be so bad that you might not be able to repair it.
Speak your mind. Set boundaries, be honest. Don't say yes to every request or invitation because you feel obligated or you're afraid if you say no, someone is going to be angry or hurt. They'll get over it. Listen to what your body, mind and spirit are telling you. If you're stressed and agitated, identify the source and eliminate it. Walk away if you have to, even if it's only for a short season. If people do not understand or become insulted because you are taking care of YOU, it's their problem, not yours. Move on.
I am under tremendous stress and my life is crazy now but it's no excuse for the way I acted this weekend. I am ashamed of myself for hurting two people I care about, but I really have no one to blame but myself. Yes, they are both insensitive and selfish but I allowed my hostility to fester and spread until I had enough and completely annihilated them. This is never a good thing. NEVER! I might be a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach, but I am not perfect. I am sharing my experience with the hope that it will keep you from making the same mistakes.
This all reminds me of an article I wrote over a year ago. It was all about saying no. Evidently, I am not heeding my own advice lately, so I needed to read it again. Here it is, should you wish to read it, as well.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Here is where my mind keeps wandering today.......
My son, who went back to work today after being sick for the past two days...............
My dad. Chemotherapy is kicking his butt right now :(
Lunch! I'm hungry.....
Finding new clients............
Where is your mind wandering today?
Where does it wander most of the time?
That's where your heart is.
I hope it's some place wonderful.........
And this is my Daily Cyn.............
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Remember when a small-sized bag of McDonald's french fries was more than enough? When we were satisfied with a single scoop ice cream cone? What happened?
Now we have to have the big bag, the super-combo, the jumbo portion, the triple dip, the generous helping, the economy size.
A family style restauarant? OH, YEAH! Let's go there. Bigger portions. Who cares if we each order an appetizer that's really meant to be shared by four people? And they don't skimp on the drinks there, either. Free refills! We walk out of that restaurant feeling so full. We think we are content but we can hardly walk, talk, breathe, or keep our eyes opened. The whole rest of the night is total waste because all we want to do now is sleep. So what? At least we got our hard-earned money's worth.
Better yet, let's go to the Buffet! All the crab legs, fried chicken and mashed potatoes we can eat! And we can have three or four different desserts instead of just one!
Go out dancing now? After dinner? Forget it! We can't move!
And we keep getting bigger and bigger and don't understand why.............
Big companies spend big money on advertising. Advertising that tells us we need to eat this way!
We are duped into believing a little is never enough! That we need more! It's sensible or more economical to buy the bigger size!
Maybe when it comes to laundry detergent or toilet paper. But not when it comes to food! The more we have, the more we're gonna eat!
Why go with the regular size when we can Biggie Size it? Only a few cents more. That makes sense, doesn't it? Yes...... if we're planning to share that Biggie Size sack of fries with two or three other people! Yeah, sure! Like that's gonna happen!
The commercial says we can't just eat one potato chip, we need to eat whole bag. So we buy and eat biggest bag of chips we can find!
But we don't need it. We really don't........... They just need us to think we do!
That way we keep them in business. And we keep the multi-billion dollar diet industry in business, too.
One hand washes the other...........
It's a ploy to make us fat and keep us fat. So everyone is happy, except.....US!
Don't fall for it! Say no!
Everything is okay.....in moderation. Just keep it small. Keep it simple.
Less is more............
And this is my Daily Cyn............
Monday, October 10, 2011
"If he's not moving hell or high water to get to you, if he doesn't call to let you know not to wait for him because he can't make it, if he's not banging your door down the next day to make it up to you because he didn't or couldn't show up the night before- DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM! Unless he's dead, in a coma, bleeding out, or all his bones are broken -HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!" -Cynthia
I want to share a little personal story with you for two reasons:
1. I need to vent because I am a little pissed off (at myself)
2. I KNOW I am not the only one guilty of making excuses for other people--especially when it comes to men.
Girls--this is for you. Guys--don't stop reading. You might learn something.............
This past weekend, I got stood up!
Never, in all my years of dating has that ever happened to me. It wasn't a blind date or anything like that. It was an opportunity, an extending of the proverbial olive branch, an attempt to give someone I love and who claims to love me another chance............
Let me explain......
There's this guy who says he loves me. He continuously sends text messages affirming his love for me. He misses me. He wants me back. He tells me he's changed and I owe it to US to give him another chance! Now mind you, he knows where I live. He's been to my house hundreds of times. Not once, since we broke up, has he shown up at my door asking to see me. I haven't received any love notes or cards in the mail. No deliveries from the local florist. All the different occasions when he knew I was going to be at such and such a place at such and such a time (we have the same friends), he's never shown up. Not that I am looking for all that. I'm just sayin'.....! He's never called to hear my voice. He just keeps sending me text messages.
Are you getting the picture?
Last Tuesday, he made a little extra effort and asked if I would consider meeting him for a drink. I texted back that I really didn't have much free time. This is the truth. I don't have much time. However, if he really wanted to see me, he could "come down to the comedy club on Saturday night around 9:30 because that's where I'll be".
I was meeting friends down there--my friends. Friends who don't know the details of our relationship. I thought it might be nice if we could all have a drink or two in a casual setting, share a few laughs, some conversation, and then go home. I figured this was safe spot to meet. We certainly wouldn't argue in a public place. I had arranged for my friends to pick me up and drive me home so there would be no temptation to 'stop at his place' on the way home. It would be like a real date. We never really actually dated. We started hanging out in a bar and it kind of evolved into a committed relationship. There was no chasing or courting or winning my affection. That was a MISTAKE I will never make again!
I thought he would jump at the opportunity to spend some time with me. Why? Because he claims to love and miss me so much! He has not seen or actually spoken to me in almost five months! The tickets to the show were free with a two drink minimum. So for the low, low price of around twelve bucks, he could have a nice evening out with me. I am a modern gal. I don't need a man to pay for my drinks, especially when I know he doesn't have much money. Not a bad deal, huh?
He rattled off a list of excuses:
1. he would feel stupid showing up there in front of my friends
2. he wanted to be alone so we could "talk" (in other words: let's get drunk and have sex)
3. he had transportation problems
Honestly, I think he expected me to change my plans to accomodate him on my first night off in several months. I wasn't about to do that! I'm not that foolish.
I questioned his transportation issue.
"If you have no car, how were you planning to meet me for a drink this week?"
He said if he had to, he would walk.
"If you really want to see me, meet me around 9:30 on Saturday night."
He said he would try.
TRY? Either you will or you won't. There is no try.
That's how I left it with him. I never heard another word until Saturday around 7PM.
Another text message and more excuses............
He was uncomfortable with the idea of just showing up. He had no car. He was waiting for a family member to come home so he could borrow that car. He was trying to make it happen. I responded with a simple "OKAY". I went on to the club with my friends and just in case, left word at the front desk that another guest might be arriving late. I wasn't holding my breath, though. I knew he wasn't going to show. I knew because he has disappointed me several times before. There's a pattern. And each time, I made excuses for him. It was time to put the love he claimed to have for me to the test, once and for all.
He never did show up. He didn't even bother to text me to let me know he wasn't showing up. Trust me, I didn't wait for him, either. I didn't sit there checking my phone every five seconds. I purposely sat with my back to door so I couldn't see whether he arrived or not. I didn't continuously gaze around the room just in case he couldn't get to our table and was sitting someplace else until the show ended. I enjoyed the company of good friends and laughed until my sides hurt. I had a great night.
I eventually did receive a text message as I was climbing into bed later around 2AM. "Sorry I missed the opportunity to see you." I never responded. This guy is no fool. He knows he blew it big time. There's no getting into my good graces now. The sad part is--he doesn't care.
Perhaps I am a romantic dreamer, but I think if you love someone, you will move heaven and hell to make it happen. Who cares if you feel stupid? I always do stupid things when I am in love because I not thinking about myself--I am thinking about the other person!
This guy had five days to plan, beg, borrow or steal a car to come and meet me. Instead, he waited until the last minute and couldn't make arrangements. No phone call? No text to let me know he couldn't make it? "I'm so sorry, baby, I can't get there but I will make it up to you tomorrow or the next day." That might have worked. Things happen. Cars break down. People won't lend you their car because they have plans. I get it. I am not that heartless. How about taking the train or a cab? Hey! Where's there's a will, there's a way. I took two different trains and the subway just to spend one weekend a month with a guy I cared about a few years ago. My high school sweetheart used to walk five miles to my house to spend time with me. When some one is important, you make it happen. And if you can't for whatever reason, you let them know. And you make it up to them. ALWAYS. If your guy or girl or even your best friend is NOT doing this is for you, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.
The point of my story is this- Don't make excuses for people! The old me would have thought of a hundred different reasons why this guy didn't show. When I love someone and they let me down, it's easier to make excuses for them. Why? Because it makes me feel like less of an idiot. And, it's a whole lot easier to lie to myself than it is to face the truth: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME!
I am not hurt. I am relieved. I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it's time to let go of any hopes that one day he and I would find a way to work this thing out. He let me know exactly where his heart is and it certainly isn't with me. I am a bit angry with myself for letting it drag on this long. That's what happens when you love someone. You don't want to give up. You want to keep believing the best.
So...... you keep making excuses!
Put love to the test. The person who claims to love you might shout it from the roof-tops but if they aren't willing to walk through heaven and hell for you, they don't love you. And if you are not willing to do the same for them, it's time for a reality check. You are wasting your time. Let go and move on! Forgive. Forgive them and forgive yourself. And don't settle until you get the love you want!
Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and The City) said it best:
"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love!"
That's what I want and I am not about to make any excuses!
And this is my Daily Cyn.......
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I am quickly approaching the big FIVE-O! I really don't mind joining the ranks of other Quinquagenarians as long as I don't look my age. This is why taking good care of my skin is essential. Healthy, nourishing food, plenty of water and a daily skin care routine with pure and natural products is my formula for young, healthy-looking skin.
My skin still looks pretty darn good but lately I am breaking out with pimples! This was never an issue when I was younger. Blame it on menopause and all my hormones running amok. My wacky hormones are causing my sebaceous glands to produce excess oil. Bacteria feed on the oil and multiply. My pores are getting clogged with all that bacteria. A war is going on beneath my skin as white blood cells rush in to attack the invading bacteria. The end result: an eruption of pimples!
What do I do now?
There are all kinds of acne treatments available but I don't want to use expensive creams or potions that might cause irritation, flakiness, or additional dryness. I began to research alternatives and stumbled upon acne light treatment. Blue LED light has been proven to kill acne-causing bacteria, clear up existing blemishes, and prevent further break-outs. This sounds great, but I don't have the funds or the time for frequent trips to a dermatologist for this kind of treatment.
I found a wonderful company that provides hand-held light therapy treatment devices I can use at home: Tanda Skincare. Check out their website for all their acne treatments and anti-aging skin care products.
And this is my Daily Cyn............
Friday, October 7, 2011
Life is tough. Tougher than it ever has been............. not just for me, but for so many people.
Rather than sit around feeling sorry for myself and thinking about all the things I don't like, I decided to come up with ten things I am loving right now. I would like to share them with you:
1. My pretty pink mani-pedi.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so I decided to paint my fingers and toes light pink (instead of my usual vampy red) as a reminder that we still need a cure!
I am leaving the pink polish on all month long to serve as reminder to pray for those those battling breast cancer, to talk about prevention, early detection, self-examination, and the importance of scheduling a mammogram with every woman I meet, to help raise awareness by participating in activities and buying products that support breast cancer research, and to donate a portion of my funds to worthy organizations that are tirelessly searching for a cure.
While I believe we should be doing everything possible to raise awareness about all kinds of cancer every single day of the year, I am focusing on Breast Cancer Prevention all this month in my business as well.
Visit True Metamorphosis and Metamorphosis for more info, tips and links.
2. Amy's Roasted Vegetable Pizza:
Yes, I know this is pre-packaged, frozen food and it's processed, but come on! We can't make everything from scratch all the time. Forget the pizza delivery boy and try this-- it's GOOD STUFF! Whole wheat pie crust, topped with roasted veggies and NO CHEESE! This is so deliciously different; you will not miss the cheese. I promise!
You can find this in the frozen food section of your local market.
3. My Lack of Disposable Income:
What?!! Okay.... let me explain. Recreation and entertainment have always been high on my list of priorities. So is shopping for clothes and shoes! But now I no longer have a J.O.B or a weekly pay check. I am building a business so I've had to cut back on everything! This means compromise and improvise. What's a social butterfly to do? Come up with different, cheap (preferably free), fun and entertaining ideas. I can't afford to do all the live shows, fancy restaurants and nights out on the town so now I am getting together with family and friends for a game of Scrabble or Poker, hosting dinners with an ethnic theme (I have a Middle Eastern night in works right now), movie night (Hooray for Netflix!), and taking advantage of the free events at the local library. I am still having fun-- I'm just spending a lot less money. And everyone else is loving it, too! Why? Because we are spending quality time together instead sitting in a restaurant or on a bar stool somewhere. I still go out (we all need to get out of the house and meet new people now and then) but rather than several nights a week and every weekend, it's more like once a month. That makes the times I do go out, even more special.
I've also been forced to take an inventory of all my clothes and shoes and found wonderful stuff I forgot I had: sweaters and jeans with price tags still attached, boots I've never worn! Anything I did not wish to keep, I gave away or donated to charity. And I've discovered thrift stores! Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it! You can find incredible stuff in thrift stores. I just picked up a beautiful Ralph Lauren blazer. Never worn- tags still on it- for fifteen bucks! This is recycling at it's best!
I am a nocturnal creature. I love the night time and the night life. Even if I am not out on the town, I hate sleep. I think it's a big waste of time and I only really need about three or four hours of shut-eye a night. I've lived that way for years but given the level of emotional stress in my life right now, I am tired. Really tired. Three or four hours of sleep is obviously not enough. And, my son is living with me now and he gets up at 4AM every morning to catch the train. Instead of falling into bed at that time, now I am starting my day bright eyed and bushy-tailed. This means I am slipping beneath the covers with a good book every night no later than 10PM. I've surrendered to sleep and I feel much better and healthier as a result.
5. Writing Articles for Money
I love to write so why not get paid for it? I eventually want to write free-lance for health and wellness magazines but in the meantime, I need practice, practice, practice. So, I joined an organization that assigns me topics, products and companies to write about. It's fun, educational and challenging. As long as I keep submitting good articles; money is deposited right into my Pay Pal account each month. What could be better than that?
6. Egyptian Belly Dancing
It's beautiful, graceful, and so sexy. Okay, maybe not quite so sexy when I do it, but I am getting there. Regardless of how many times we pick ourselves up from the floor because we can't stop laughing at each other, my girlfriends and I are having a blast. It's great exercise and the best part is - it's not costing us a dime! I bought a DVD ages ago and thought it would be a hoot to get together and attempt to learn this ancient dance. Okay, sometimes we loosen up first with a glass of wine or two but at least we are burning it off-- sort of!
7. Organic Sparkling Pomegrante Water:
I am known as the Grey Goose Gal! I love my vodka, but vodka doesn't always love me. In fact, I gave up drinking for quite some time and then went out with a few friends and drank a little too much. I felt awful for two days. Now I reserve cocktails for special occasions only. Most of time, I am sipping Sparkling Pomegrante Water. It's good for me, it tastes great and it's not too sweet. Once in awhile I think how great it would taste mixed with vodka but I've never actually given into that temptation. The best part: it comes in a pretty glass bottle- NOT plastic! Find it at Waldbaum's in the bottled water section.
8. The Bhagavad Gita:
This beloved, timeless classic has been on my reading list for years. It is universally acknowledged as a spiritual masterpiece and one the world's most important religious poems. I recently found a translation that is easier to read yet still manages to capture the clarity, vigor and the intensity of the original Sanskrit. I joined a Gita discussion group on FACEBOOK but I haven't really had much time to participate. I try to read a small passage every day. It is beautiful, moving, haunting, and nourishing to my soul.
9. Argan Oil:
I am a beach girl, but this year, I didn't have much time to spend soaking up the sun. Due to circumstances here at home, I also couldn't participate in all the BBQ's, parties and outdoor concerts or music fests I usually enjoy every summer. I was a little sad when the cooler weather arrived, but I am very excited about the next few months. I simply adore the fall and the changing leaves, wine tasting out on the East End, comfy sweaters, snuggling beside a roaring fire, apple picking, home-made pumpkin pie, Halloween, Thanksgiving......
My list can go on and on but I'll stop here. The funny thing is, once I started thinking about all the things I love right now, I kept coming up with more and more.
How about you? Can you come up with ten things you totally love right now? Get out your pen and paper and write them down. Share your list with someone you love. You can even share it all here. I would totally love that!!
And this is my Daily Cyn............
Thursday, October 6, 2011
May I vent for a few minutes? I promise, I will end on a positive note!
The other day, I received an email from a "friend". It read something like this: You haven't been on Facebook in awhile. I guess I am not important........
The email concluded with an announcement that he will not contact me again but I know where to find him should I need him!
After I got over my initial shock, I fired back: Are you kidding me?
His frustration would be completely justified if he had been repeatedly calling, texting, or sending emails to which he never recieved a reply or response. That's not the case at all. He's upset with me because lately I haven't been logging on to FACEBOOK at the same time he is on. He is taking it as a personal rejection. Just because I am not available or accessible according to his schedule, he no longer thinks he's important. And he is trying to make me feel guilty about it. I really don't need that kind of pressure!
This particular person knows some details about my life. He knows how my world has been turned upside down and some of my fears and concerns about the people I love. I shared this with him because he recently went through a similar experience. You'd think he would be a little understanding. How sad that he measures his own importance by how accessible I am to him via a Social Networking site.
Gee.....I'm sorry I haven't been on-line at the crack of dawn for our usual hour long FACEBOOK chats these past few mornings, but I've been kind of busy! Instead of sitting my ass down in front of my computer every morning leisurely sipping coffee and chatting with you so YOU feel important, I am up at 4AM these days actually taking care of important people!
I am a little hurt. Can you tell? Maybe I should have been more thoughtful and sent an e-mail alerting him that I might not be on-line as often over the next few days. Let him know not to expect a steady flow of the cute and funny comments I usually post on FACEBOOK. I guess if I considered him important, that's exactly what I would do. Sorry, but I didn't plan this and I am bit preoccupied. I am caring for my family and spending precious moments with someone I am not so sure will be here tomorrow!
What's really suprising is he's not the only one offended or angry with me because I don't have time or the frame of mind lately to listen to the drama, the gossip or to participate in all the fun and games. There are actually a few so-called friends who have recently written me off because I am not responding to their text messages quickly enough! Can you believe that? I am heart-broken. I guess it's my fault. I've spent my entire life entertaining people, making them feel good. Trying to make them feel important. Right now, I just don't have the strength or the energy to do everything and as a result, people are dropping out of my life like flies.
Perhaps I am bit childish and unrealistic when it comes to love and friendship. I think love and friendship means caring for others and not jumping to wild and crazy conclusions. It's about giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. When the person you claim to love suddenly becomes distant or quiet or starts declining invitations to parties and gatherings, maybe, just maybe something is wrong. Perhaps they're busy or hurting or overwhelmed. And....when you know things are not so perfect in their life, you cut them some slack or try to lighten their heavy load for a little while. This is when you invite them to dinner, buy them a drink or just stop by and spend time with them. Most importantly, you understand it's not about YOU but you know something is going on and you care enough to find out. You don't start spreading rumors and gossip or make them feel bad about not being able to make YOU feel good about YOU!
I am thankful for the handful of friends who truly love and understand me. Friends who notice I've been MIA these days and have called or stopped by the house to make sure I am okay or to see if there is anything I need or want. Friends who call me up at 10:30 on a friday night and say, "Be ready in ten minutes! We're going out dancing!" Friends who have not written me off because I am no longer as available as I used to be. Friends who don't need me to make them feel important. They already know what they mean to me. I know what I mean to them.
It's not my job to make other people feel important. It's not your job either. No matter how hard we try, we will fail every time. We will wear ourselves out trying to prove something they will never believe. Don't let anyone put that responsiblity on you or blame you if they don't feel it. And never, ever demand it from someone else! No one can make you feel important . You have to feel it and believe it yourself.
It is my job to love. It's OUR job to love. Love takes care of everything. Love gives strength, power, the ability to dream big dreams, and the belief that anything is possible. Sometimes love means sacrifice.
Love yourself enough to let go of the ones who put unrealistic conditions and demands on you or are only 'in it' for what you can give or how you make them feel. Sometimes you won't know this about others until the proverbial sh*t hits the fan and you just can't give anymore. They will make you feel bad, sad and guilty. People who truly love you will feel bad, sad and guilty that they can't do enough for you!
I hope you are surrounded by love.
And this is my Daily Cyn.......
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
You carefully watch everything you eat, exercise religiously, yet you still seem to packing on the pounds! Sound familiar?
Here are three reasons why you could be gaining weight:
When you are under stress, you automatically pack on the pounds. Here's why: Stress makes your heart race. Adrenaline and cortisol surge through your body when you are constantly tense and on alert. This causes blood sugar levels to rise. There's no way to use all that extra sugar so your body stores it as fat.
Tell Tale Signs:
In addition to weight gain, you are physically and emotionally drained most of the time. You might get sick easily and despite the fact you are so exhausted, you have trouble sleeping. You also could have high blood pressure and cholesterol.
What to do:
An easy way to keep cortisol from spiking is to stop and take five deep breaths when you start to feel stressed. Try to set aside at least 15 minutes every day to do something relaxing. Exercise is also a great way to relieve stress. Try yoga, meditation, sex---ALL STRESS REDUCERS! Always take the time to prepare good, healthy meals for yourself, no matter how tired you feel. Avoid white flour and white sugar, especially when you are stressed. Stay away from energy drinks, excess coffee, soft drinks, and junk food. Lean protein, whole grains, and fresh fruits and vegetables will help keep your blood sugar levels balanced. Try eating several small meals a day instead three big ones to keep your blood sugar steady.
Constant fatigue, rapid heart beat, hypertension or high cholestrol could be signs of serious health issues. If you have any of these symptoms, please see your doctor. If your doctor has prescribed medication for any of these ailments, please do NOT stop taking it!
2. Underactive Thyroid:
Your thyroid is a gland that produces T3 and T4, hormones that control your metabolism. When your thyroid does not produce enough of these hormones, your body begins to burn fat very slowly. If you're HONESTLY eating and exercising as you should be yet still gaining weight, you could have a thyroid problem..
You are always tired and cold, weight gain, dry skin. Excessive hair loss, constipation. You could also be experiencing puffiness in your legs and face.
What to do:
If you suspect your thyroid is underactive, the only way to be certain is to see your doctor. A simple blood test will determine whether or not this is the case. If your thyroid is underactive, your doctor will most likely want to prescribe synthetic versions of T3 and T4. This is a personal choice. There are also supplements that aid in healthy thyroid function. I highly recommend the book: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Hormone Weight Loss by Alice Stanton, M.D.
This is ME!!! I recently entered the menopause stage of my life. I was happy to say goodbye to my monthly periods, the cramps and the mood swings, but I am not so thrilled about fighting so hard now to keep excess weight off!! This has been a constant battle for the past couple of years!
Why is this happening?
A few reasons: A woman´s hormones fluctuate prior to menopause and is preparing for a permanently reduced hormonal level. The big side-effect: in 90% of women in menopause--weight gain!
Here´s a list of the different hormones that can affect weight gain and how:
Estrogen: As a woman´s ovaries produce less estrogen, her body attempts to find the hormone in places other than the ovaries. Fat cells can produce estrogen, so her body works harder to convert calories into fat to increase estrogen levels. Unfortunately, fat cells don't burn calories the way muscle cells do, which causes weight gain.
Progesterone: Water retention is often linked to menopause because water weight and bloating are caused by progesterone levels. Though this doesn't actually result in weight gain, clothes can feel a bit tighter and a woman may feel as though she´s heavier.
Androgen: The amount of this hormone increases at the onset of menopause. It´s responsible for sending new weight to the mid-section instead of to the hips, which many women are accustomed to. Some women even have a nickname for the menopause years based on the mid-section weight gain: "the middle-age spread".
Testosterone: Testosterone helps a woman´s body create lean muscle mass out of the calories consumed. Muscle cells burn more calories than fat cells do, increasing metabolic rate. As testosterone levels drop, fewer calories are transformed into lean muscle mass, thus a woman´s metabolism winds down.
Insulin Resistance: Insulin resistance can occur during the menopausal years. This is when a woman´s body mistakenly turns every calorie taken in into fat. Over time, processed and refined foods may make a woman´s body resistant to insulin produced in the blood stream.
What to do:
Sorry, Sister! Unless you are lucky enough to be one of the 10% who don't gain weight during menopause, lifestyle change is the ONLY way to keep those pounds from piling on! If you are showing the signs of menopause: light or missed periods, hot flashes, or you're suddenly carrying most of your extra weight around your abdomen: now is the time to change your habits!
Regular exercise and an improved diet are crucial! You might also want to start including foods that help stimulate hormone production. Studies have shown that diets rich in foods that promote estrogen levels (such as soy, apples, alfalfa, cherries, potatoes, rice, wheat and yams) go a long way in helping regulate menopausal symptoms.
A drop in estrogen and progesterone can cause an increase in appetite and cause you to eat up to 67% more than usual! A plant-based diet and alternative sources of protein can help. 67% more fruits and veggies is certainly much better than the equivalent in chips, cookies and cake!
Your lifestyle is an important factor here. You are going to gain weight during menopause if you do not:
exercise, exercise, exercise
change your diet
stop drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.
You might have gotten away with it in when you were younger. If you put on a few pounds, all you had to do was walk an extra mile on the treadmill, cut out desserts, and switch to light beer. It's not so simple anymore. You can be still be hot and sexy during menopause--you're just gonna have to work harder at it!
If you just can't seem to win the battle of the bulge, it is possible that one or ALL of these reasons are to blame. Listen your body and do what it tells you. Speak to your doctor or health care practitioner about the best course of treatment. And of course, I am always available to help. Together we can put together a healthy lifestyle plan that works for YOU!
Feel free to contact me anytime.
And this is my Daily Cyn........
Saturday, October 1, 2011
"There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me, damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you." — Stacey Charter
And this is my Daily Cyn..............