Accepting Faults-- to a Fault

When you truly love someone, you don't look for faults. You don't look for answers. You don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes. You accept the faults and you overlook excuses. -Unknown

Nice quote, huh?

I am the type who always tries to see the good. I will believe the very best about people. I might see their faults and mistakes but I don't go looking for them. If I see them, I accept them. We all have our own issues. I am well aware of my own, therefore I am considerate and accepting of yours. Sometimes, to a fault!

I find it very difficult to give up on people; to consider them hopeless or beyond redemption. Sometimes, I fight harder for the person than they are actually willing to fight for themselves. That's where it all gets tricky.

We are accepting and understanding in the name of love, but it can back-fire. Some people do not believe they are deserving of your grace, love or your ability to accept their faults and mistakes. Slowly but surely they punish you for being so understanding. They see qualities in you they want but rather than do the work to try and heal, it becomes their mission to prove 'you are not all that'.  They take off the gloves, hit you, and want you to hit back. And when you finally do, they stand over you, pointing out your faults and mistakes. You are stunned, shaken, confused. You have overlooked a mountain and they are complaining about a mole hill- a mole hill they would have never, ever seen had they not pushed you to that point.

Misery loves company, my friends. Miserable people will never be satisfied until you feel worse than they do. This is achieved by making you feel awful about yourself. This is not love, it is the reverse. It is self-hatred. It is destructive and difficult if not impossible to exist in a relationship such as this without completely losing yourself. It can destroy you.

I am a peaceful person. I hate to fight. I never want to hurt another living soul. People who truly love me, know and understand this about me. Because they love me, they would never consider pushing me to the point of 'losing it'. Some perceive me as weak because I am this way. Let me tell you a little secret.  I have the ability to completely destroy with just a word or two. This is why I run like hell when things start getting nasty. I don't get off on hurting others. When I resort to that, I am exhausted. I collapse in a corner and cry for days. The worst part is: they win. I don't have to worry about accepting their faults or mistakes any more. Now I only see mine and I feel awful.

I have had a few faults of my own revealed in a big way recently. The person who believed it was his job to point them out, thinks he won. He can boast all he wants over his success but the victory is really mine. He pushed me to my breaking point.  I feel badly about it but honestly, it was the greatest gift he ever gave me. There is so much inside me that needs to be healed. All he did was bring it all to the surface so now I can deal with it. I can heal it.

Love hopes, believes and endures all things. Love can melt the hardest of hearts. I know this is true.  Love recognizes the faults of others, accepts and overlooks them. It forgives mistakes; it never takes pleasure in pointing them out. But love also makes you want to heal yourself so you never hurt the one who so graciously accepts you- faults, mistakes and all.

And this is my Daily Cyn..........

A Double Daily...........

There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life — whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts. ♥ Elizabeth Gilbert

And this is my Daily Cyn..........

Yes, I Blog Daily But I Also Have a Business

I know I do an awful lot of blogging. The name of my blog is Daily Cyn. The name alone suggests something will be written every day.  I do my best to post something daily about health, wellness, nutrition, relationships, my success and failures, and life in general. Sometimes my posts are lengthy, others times they are nothing more than a photo or a quote. Whatever I feel, whatever inspires me, that is what I post. The feedback I get from readers is amazing.


I enjoy blogging but did you know I also have a business?  I am a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach. This is what I do for a living. I meet with clients face to face, over the phone, or via Internet to help them overcome a variety of issues. We all get stuck now and then and need a helping hand or a push in the right direction. That's what I do. I am the pusher, the one who gives you a swift (but loving) kick in the pants so you can start living an extraordinary life.

This is my business card.






I do hope you enjoy my blogs but I would like to take it one step further. I would love the pleasure of chatting with you.

If  you happen to be sick and tired of the diet roller coaster ride:

OR........









perhaps you are hopelessly addicted to this.

Maybe you just feel exhausted all the time.....

OR........









Most of time you feel like this............

OR...........








Like this:

And you don't really understand why.

You really want to feel this way.......

But you have no clue how or where to begin.

Perhaps I can help. We can chat about your hopes, dreams, goals, your concerns and figure out what's holding you back.........

We can start with the ways you are nourishing your body, mind and spirit. Together we will figure out what to add, take away or just fine-tune ever so slightly.  Discover what works and what doesn't. For you. There is no cookie-cutter, miracle cure.  You are unique and I have a unique program. I won't force you to be anything or anyone you don't wish to be. I want you to be YOU- only better.........

Sound interesting? 

Visit my website and send me a note. I will get in touch with you right away.

True Metamorphosis

And this is my Daily Cyn.............



The Weight Loss Ring Miracle!

I finally found the solution to your problems! A WEIGHT LOSS RING!!! That's right. Wear this ring and apparently, you will drop those excess pounds.

Here's how it works:

The Japanese have applied pressure on different fingers to target weight loss in specific problem areas. Now this adjustable, acupressure ring lets you do the same!

Acupressure.  Hm mm......


For those of you not familiar, acupressure is an ancient healing art that uses the fingers to press key points on the surface of the skin to stimulate the body's natural self-curative abilities. When these points are pressed, they release muscular tension and promote the circulation of blood and the body's life force to aid healing. Acupuncture and acupressure use the same points, but acupuncture employs needles, while acupressure uses the gentle but firm pressure of hands (and even feet).

Makes sense. I am a certified reflexologist.  Reflexologists work from maps of predefined pressure points that are located on the hands and feet. In my case, it's usually the feet. These pressure points connect directly through the nervous system and affect the bodily organs and glands. You can manipulate these pressure points according to specific techniques of reflexology therapy. With this touching therapy, any part of the body that is the source of pain, illness, or potential debility can be strengthened through the application of pressure at the respective foot or hand location. Similar principle as the ring.

If you had a few reflexology sessions with me, would you miraculously become thin? Don't I wish!  I could resolve the obesity crisis in our nation with a few hand or foot massages and I would be a millionaire!

I offer reflexology to all my clients. Not everyone wants it, though. Some people are squeamish about taking off their shoes and socks. Or being touched at all. I charge by the hour for my time. So if you don't want to spend the money or have an issue with me manipulating your hands or feet....



You can wear this weight-loss ring and still keep eating this:

Who doesn't love cake??








Instead of eating this:

And.... never again need to do this........

Unless you want to and honestly, who really wants to get down on the floor and do that every day? I don't!

All your weight issues can be solved by wearing a ring for the outrageous price of........

Wait for it..........

$3.99!!!!

In that case, I'll take a dozen!

My dear friends, I honestly wish it was this simple. I would be selling these rings by the case.  At $3.99 a pop, I would give them away to every single overweight person I see.  My job would be so easy. People would be lining up at my door to purchase this miracle ring.

Is there any of truth to this? Do I think this ring applies pressure to the points  that help curb your appetite and therefore makes you drop weight? I don't know. I do know acupressure and reflexology work, but they are not miracle cures! These types of therapies help to unblock and release energy in your body and promote an overall sense of well-being. As you begin to feel better, miracles DO happen. You start taking better care of yourself. You make healthy food choices. You feel like exercising again. There's a bounce in your step and the world around you looks different. You feel alive! You begin to heal, from the inside out.

As for the Weight-Loss ring: I like it. It's kind of funky looking.  And..... I believe in the power of the mind. If you believe this ring will help you lose weight, maybe it will. Believing can make it happen.  This ring does not have miracle powers but your mind does. With the simple act of wearing this ring and believing it works, you might begin to nourish your body, mind and spirit differently. Give it a shot. If you think by slipping it on your finger you will miraculously become thin without changing any of your habits, think again. Not gonna happen!

Perhaps you would like to wear the ring as a reminder of your health and wellness goals.  Why not? Make sure you buy a few, however. This ring is not real silver so it will tarnish.

If you're interested, here's the link:

Weight Loss Ring

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Flying Solo

When people discovered I was suddenly single, the shocks were felt around the world. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration-- but the news did take most of my family and friends by surprise. After ten years of living life as a single gal (and loving it) I decided to try a relationship. I fell in love, but sadly, love is not always enough. My relationship lasted exactly two years. There was no screaming, yelling or name-calling. There were no tears. It just slowly fizzled to an end.

I didn't shout the news of my relationship changge from the roof tops. People began to realize it was over when I started arriving to events alone or saying "No, he won't be coming with me" when accepting invitations. I have nothing bad to say about him and I don't sit around chatting with the girls about all the awful things he did to me. We were awful to each other. That is why it ended.

When it was discovered and confirmed that I was once again flying solo, the phone calls and messages began pouring in. "Girl, have I got the guy for you!"  Everybody wanted to set me up with somebody.  My folks, who recently returned from a visit with family in Virginia found the perfect man for me and insisted I get in the car immediately and drive down there to meet him! Oh. My. God!

A friend of a friend of a friend some how managed to get a hold of my picture and phone number and he called. And he called. And he called. I chatted with him a few times and he seemed pretty decent. After a month of declining his persistent requests to meet for dinner, I finally accepted.  He found me charming, funny and attractive and I just couldn't keep saying no to someone so darn tenacious.

I met him on familiar territory (my favorite restaurant) sight unseen.  I really had no clue what he looked like but for me, it's not all about looks. He was pleasing to the eye: nice face, kind eyes, strong nose, good teeth. He was a bit shorter than I prefer but hey-- my ex-boyfriend was only an inch taller than me and in my heels (which I ALWAYS wear) I towered over him. It's really not that big a deal.

I sat and enjoyed a lovely dinner. He was a nice guy. We talked for hours and had a few things in common. Not once did I sit there comparing him to you know who nor did I feel sorry or sad because he wasn't the other one. (We girls have a bad habit of doing that). He gave me a tiny, harmless little peck on the lips before we parted (I was nervous about the whole good-bye thing because I had no desire to really kiss him, if you know what I mean) and I went home. My parents were waiting at the door like two excited puppies when I returned. "Well, how did it go? Did you like him? Was it love at first sight? Are you going to see him again?" 

Ah..... my parents. They will never be satisfied until they believe their daughter is happy.  Happy = Man. This seems to be the popular opinion of most of my friends and loved ones. I beg to differ and nobody seems to understand this.

The dinner guy did call again, expressing his desire to see me. I politely declined. I am much too nice to use the "It's not you, it's me" excuse. I did explain I really have too much on my plate to get involved with anyone. This is not a lie. Knowing my present circumstances, he understood. Everyone else thinks I am crazy. Why not be spoiled with dinners and dancing, theatre and trips with a nice guy? Even if you don't really like him, perhaps you will grow to like him. Go out and have fun! He's paying and it's better than being alone.  It doesn't work that way for me. Nothing and no one ever grows on me. The spark is either there or it's not. I do not think it's right to continue dating him. I am not comfortable using him for an occasional night out on the town. I can pay for my own nights out, thank you very much. And as for being alone, quite frankly, I prefer it. For now.

I have a girlfriend who recently ended a three year relationship. It was a painful dramatic ending. She was devastated, yet one week later, she jumped  right into another committed relationship. She has had serious boyfriends since she was sixteen years old. She's never been without a guy. This just boggles my mind. For more than half her life she has always belonged to someone else. How on earth will she ever discover herself when her identity is always wrapped up in some guy? Doesn't she need a break? Time to heal, reconnect with herself, learn from her mistakes? Room to breathe?  Damn! I took a ten year hiatus from relationships before I took that plunge and realized in the end, I still have so much to learn about myself.

I am not afraid to be alone. There are times I think I am destined to be single for the rest of my life. But when I search deep within my heart, I really do want a man.  I am not looking for someone to complete me but a best friend, lover and someone to grow old with would nice.  I just haven't met him yet. Evidently, I am still not ready. There's a whole lot of work that still needs to be done- on me. But make no mistake, the inner work I do on myself is not in preparation for the man of my dreams. I want be ready for what life has in store for me--single, married, whatever.

I do not wish to meet any body's boss, friend, brother, cousin, uncle, or father. Not right now. I honestly and truly wish to be by myself for a little while. I have no problem dining alone, being the third wheel, or walking into a club without a man on my arm.  If my friends and loved ones take issue with this, it is what it is--their problem!

I really don't mind flying solo for awhile. I can steer in any direction I want. Discover the strength of my own wings. Fly over new or familiar territory. Land in places that look interesting. Stay. Leave. My choice. This is the right course at the right time for me.. Alone.....onward and upward.

And this is my Daily Cyn......

What Do You Stand For?

And this is my Daily Cyn......

A Shoe Whore Goes Vegan

I openly admit, without reservation, shame or guilt--I am a Shoe Whore! I became completely obsessed the day my mom brought home the most gorgeous pair of white patent leather platform sling-backs with five inch heels. They were the most amazing shoes I had ever seen.  It was 1972. I was ten years old. I fell in love with those shoes and couldn't wait to grow up so I could wear heels just like them.

As the years rolled by, my obsession with shoes grew. I had dozens of boots, sandals, pumps, and peep-toes in every color imaginable. The higher the heel, the better. All through my teenage years into adult-hood, I never owned a pair of flat shoes.  I still don't!  (Sneakers are NOT shoes!)

As my career flourished, so did my income and taste for finer things. I was able to afford better shoes. Designer shoes. I was like a junkie with a bad habit. I couldn't pass a shoe store in the city without stopping in and buying a pair or two. I never thought twice about spending large sums of money on my habit. I was of the persuasion: the better the shoes, the better the person.  I never settled for anything less than the best. And they had to be leather. Only leather!



I have been a vegetarian for over a decade, but this past November, I decided to become a full-fledged Vegan. This was no impulsive decision.  I considered this transition for quite a few years but simply wasn't ready. A Vegan consumes no animal products: no meat, fish, eggs, milk, or cheese. To actually eat this way requires a life-style change. It takes commitment and dedication. It's not easy, which is why I waited so long to make the change. It's an evolution process, really. The more deeply involved I become, the more concerned I am for myself and the world around me. I have dedicated myself to this way of life for many reasons: some ethical, some spiritual. My health history also play a part in all this. Cancer, heart disease and diabetes run rampant in my family. I am terrified of all that.

 I believe, in my situation, being vegan is the best and healthiest way to live, eat and prevent sickness and disease.

I am conscious of everything I put in and on my body. Everything I eat is plant-based and almost every product I use is vegan, cruelty-free and environmentally friendly. Occasionally you might find a plastic bag or bottle in my home.  It does take time to break habits and it's no easy task to change  your lifestyle. I have no problem admitting I am far from perfect. The one thing I do have a problem with is being a hypocrite. Leather shoes- leather anything- for a true Vegan is a big no-no! I have a whole closet full of sexy  heels- all leather. I have been side-stepping this issue for several months now but I can ignore it no longer. What am I going to about my shoes?

I've donated a portion of my shoes to good-will but I am not about to get rid of the rest of my collection. Tossing them or allowing them to just sit in my closet to rot is really kind of a waste, don't you think?  I am proud to say, I am no longer as obsessed with shoes (meaning they are no longer a quick temporary fix), but I still do love 'em.  This week, I finally made a decision. I will keep and ocassionally wear what I have and never   purchase another pair of leather shoes. No matter how gorgeous, sexy or inexpensive they are- if they are made of leather- no deal. This does pose a bit of a dilemma.

Eventually, I am going to need (want) to buy new shoes.

I've considered my options before and I have a real big problem.......


Have you seen what Vegan shoes look like? 



NO WAY!!!!





 Yes, I am a vegan but the sterotypical look and attire that seems to goes along with that lifestyle--NOT ME! I look ridiculous in those shapeless little cotton dresses and sensible shoes. I am forty-nine years old, for goodness sake and I need a little make-up--cruelty-free, of course. I love my black tank tops (all organic cotton), jeans (recycled) and HEELS. I am not about to give up my quest for sexy vegan shoes. I visited stores, flipped through catalogs and searched the internet but found nothing. Well, that's not completely true. Stella McCartney designs incredible, sexy vegan shoes but the price tag on a pair of her heels is more than my monthy rent. With the lifestyle change came a job change.  I can no longer afford to prance around the city like Carrie Bradshaw buying expensive designer shoes- leather or otherwise.

 I could go into some cheap store and buy shoes constructed of man-made-who-knows what-kind-of-material! I do know gals on a budget who buy sexy heels for less than twenty bucks. These poorly made shoes make their feet ache and after one or two nights of dancing, the heels whittle away to nothing.  Call me a snob, but I really don't want to do that!  I want eco-friendly shoes and I don't want to waste my money.

I am doomed! I must either be a hypocrite or learn to be content in a pair of sensible, non-leather, eco-friendly Mary-Janes. I'm sorry, but there's nothing sexy about wearing the same style shoe I wore in Catholic School!

I enlisted a few of my friends to join me in the hunt for sexy vegan shoes. They might not understand my reasons, but they do understand my passion for shoes. One friend sent me a link, insisting I take a look. I reluctantly did as she asked and imagine my surprise when I saw page after page of truly sexy vegan heels! And the best part?  Affordable!


Shoes like these:

These:

And these........

Sexy, vegan, eco-friendly shoes!

Punk.Com

I don't have to give up my love and obsession for shoes. I can be who I am in my sexy heels and rest in knowing another living thing has not been harmed at my expense.

And this is my Daily Cyn......

How to Get Rid of Those Stinging Insects

My dad is recovering from radical surgery and unable to really do much of anything for next month or so. His biggest concern is his garden so I've taken over the task of watering, weeding, collecting ripened tomatoes from the vine, etc. It's good for me to get out there and spend time in nature. Besides, all that bending and dragging the hose across the yard is good exercise.


This past Saturday, while watering the garden, I stepped into a nest of bees. Actually, they weren't bees. They were yellow jackets. Yellow jackets are sometimes mistakenly called "bees", but they are actually in the wasp classification. They build their nests in trees, shrubs, or in protected places such as inside human-made structures (attics, hollow walls or flooring, in sheds, under porches, and eaves of houses), or in soil cavities, mouse burrows, etc. My yellow jackets have set up residence in the ground close to the water spigot on the side of the house.

At first, I felt one tiny prick and then pain came with a vengeance. My pants (thankfully I was wearing a pair of long yoga pants) were covered with yellow jackets- dozens of them repeatedly stinging and injecting me with their venom.  They were quickly working their way up around my arms and face.

"Oh, God! Not the face!" I thought as I moved like lightening across the yard, those little stinging creatures still attacking.  I did what seemed most logical at that moment.  I tore my yellow jacket- covered-clothing from my body and ran naked and screaming into the house.  I don't think my feet ever actually touched the ground. Thankfully, no one was around to witness this ridiculous, hysterical display.

Safe inside the house, I assessed the damage. My legs, feet and arms were covered in welts. I counted at least twenty-five spots on my body where I had been stung.  I removed several stingers that had been deposited under my skin, crying the entire time.  I've been stung before and never had a reaction but this time I was certain I would slip into anaphylactic shock. I am still here so obviously, that did not happen. I just suffered with burning aches and pains for the remainder of the day.

Later on, I shared my mishap with my dad. He laughed so hard I was sure he would tear out the staples and stitches holding his body together post-surgery.  He managed to drag himself into the garage and reappeared with a huge spray can of wasp and hornet poison.

"Go out at dusk and spray those little suckers to death!" he said.

"Oh, no, Daddy," I replied. "I can't kill them and besides, we shouldn't be breathing in that poison or putting it into the air!"

 My father already thinks I am strange with my vegetarian, tree-hugging ways. Now he believes I am just plumb loco for not wanting to completely annihilate these little bastards.

I have been researching ways to eliminate these pests in the most humane way possible. I don't really want to kill them. I just want them to go someplace else. Or, just leave me the hell alone.  Friends have offered all kinds of advice on the subject. The big old spray can of poison seems to be pretty popular. So is finding the nest and setting it on fire. I can't do that! The very thought of those little yellow jackets burning to death would keep me awake for months.

Another friend suggested this:

If the nest is in the ground (where I do believe my little friends are hiding), just pour gasoline right into the hole and that will take care of them.







Pour gasoline into the GROUND?  Don't you people know me at all?

Wait! There's more!

Apparently, yellow jackets LOVE fish.  I found a remedy which involves tying a piece of fish over a bucket of sudsy water. This is an open invitation for the yellow jackets to come on over for a feast.

Here"s how it works:

The yellow jackets love fish and will begin to cut off small pieces to take back to the nest. In their "excitement" of buzzing around the bait a few will occasionally hit the water. The soap in the water breaks the surface tension of the waterproof coating on the yellow jacket and it instantly sinks in the water and drowns in a few seconds. Some yellow jackets will successfully haul a piece of meat back to the nest and tell all the other gatherers in the nest where this great food source is. Soon all the wasps from the nest will be working on this fish and over a period of time, all will eventually make mistakes and either fall off the fish and into the water or bump other wasps flying around and knock themselves in the drink, then its curtains for them too. It only takes a day or two to wipe out nearly every yellow jacket in your area.


Okay, this is a non-toxic way to entice yellow jackets away from their nest.  I am just not comfortable with whole idea of them being seduced into drowning in a huge bubble bath. Not to mention, I will attract every stray cat within a five mile radius.

I don't think this is going to work either.

My situation is hopeless. I can't spray, ignite or gas them and there's no way in hell I am going to lure the yellow jackets to their cruel death with a piece of raw, rotting fish. I have a bit of a dilemma here and I am not going back out there until it is resolved.

The nest is in the back yard in an area where no one goes unless they need to use the hose. For the next few months, that would be me. The nest is far away from the deck and the part of the yard where my little niece plays when she comes over.  No one in my family is allergic to bees, wasps or hornets.  If one or two yellow jackets decide to venture out to explore more of the yard,  they're really not a danger to anyone.  They are just a painful inconvenience for yours truly who stomps all over their territory with her bare feet. Yellow jackets sting when distrupted or when they are threatened. It is their mission to protect their queen to the death. All those yellow jackets that mercilessly stung me? DEAD.

Yellow Jackets are actually here to help us. They pollinate the plants and feed on other insects. Insects that eat our plants. The REAL pests! My little yellow jackets serve a great purpose. Perhaps there's a way I can work around them.

I've been told yellow jackets are pretty dormant in the evenings. I can certainly try to do all my gardening at dusk. I can take precautions by wearing pants, long-sleeved tops and shoes. And, I need to skip the spritz of perfume and refrain from covering my entire body with scented body cream until after my work outdoors is done. I can do that.  I will just leave them alone and in the fall, after they are gone, find the nest, dispose of it, and seal up the area if necessary.  Yellow jackets never use the same nest twice.

Here's how I look at it......

If not for those aggravating little yellow jackets, we would have no gardens at all.


And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Going to Nirvana

I have a friend who always talks about moving. His answer to everything is to pack up and just go someplace else. All his problems, his issues, and his inner turmoil can be resolved by simply changing his location.

This friend doesn't own a home. He doesn't have a real job, a nagging wife or needy children. There are no pressures placed upon him, no responsibilities, no demands. He is free to do what he wishes. In fact, he has the easiest, most unencumbered life of any one I've ever met. He is gifted, talented, healthy and strong. He has a trade- a good one in which he can earn a very comfortable living if he just would get up and go to work. He lacks motivation. He believes life had dealt him a bad hand so he chooses to sit around all day and night feeling sorry for himself.  He does absolutely nothing. He is depressed. He is miserable. He makes everyone around him miserable. I've never know anyone so disinterested in life or with such a lack of inner peace.

Every so often, he musters up enough passion to discuss relocating. He wants to go someplace else. He believes the reason he has nothing and feels like he is nothing is simply a matter of location. If he were to move down south or closer to where his cousins lived (who are all very successful, by the way), his life will miraculously improve and he will have everything he wants. Every time something goes wrong in his life, he flies into a rage and starts screaming about how much he hates this place. "I am leaving. I am moving. Are you coming with me or not?"

Now I am all for moving. In fact, I've been working on a five year plan- my Nirvana Plan. Part of that plan involves moving down south to be closer to my family. I want a little house near the beach. I talk about it often and I am working very hard now to make those dreams become a reality. I am building my business so I can go anywhere with it and earn a comfortable living. I spend time on the Internet familiarizing myself with the area in which I wish to live. I have a particular place in mind and I travel there often. I keep in contact with a few real estate agents who know exactly what I am looking for.  I am not in a position to move yet, but if the right house appears for the price I can afford, I am willing to buy it now. I want this so badly, I visualize myself sitting on the porch of my future home on cool evenings sipping a glass of wine and gazing at the stars. I can hear the waves crashing in the distance and almost taste the salty air. I know exactly what my house will look like: a little whitewashed cottage with a porch in front, a deck in the back. I see the garden where I will grow flowers and herbs for tea and healing. I can feel the warmth from the fireplace in the living room and smell  bread baking in my cozy little kitchen.

This is my dream. This is my goal BUT ( there's a real big BUT here), I am not fooling myself into believing this is the answer to all my problems. I am dealing with my problems right here, right now, so I can make my dreams a reality. I also know that moving away is going to bring on a whole new set of problems. I want to be ready for those, so I am working on ME.  I am changing my ways of thinking and trying to overcome greed, selfishness, anger and delusion- the things I don't like about myself. I am practicing peace and contentment now, despite the fact that I don't have everything I want. This way, I can take it all with me when I go.

I want what I want so badly I can see, hear, taste, smell, and feel it.  However, if by chance it does not happen for me, I am okay with that. I will be content wherever I am and make the best of what I've got.

Back to my friend. After a few years of listening to him whining, complaining and threatening to move, I grew weary. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I got angry. I was sick and tired of hearing the same thing over and over. I never saw any action on his part to do anything to change his current situation- to look within and change things about himself.  So the next time he discussed moving, I gently took his hand and looked deeply into his eyes.

"You can go anywhere you want. You can escape and leave everything and everyone behind," I said calmly. "Just remember, there is one thing that always comes along and you will never get rid of."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Yourself!"

He didn't like that. Not at all. In fact, that was the beginning of the end of our friendship. He knew I saw the truth. Most likely, he will never move anywhere else. He just ran out of excuses, people and things to find fault with and his location is the only thing left to blame.

John Kabit-Zinn said it perfectly. "Wherever you go, there you are." He even wrote a book about it.

There is not a city, state, or house on the beach that is going to change things. That's just location. Things might lighten up a bit in different surroundings but eventually, life will return to the way it was. Why? Because YOU are there. If you are not dealing with your problems, issues, fears,  failures, anger, greed, or your lack of motivation right NOW, right where YOU are- a different location will not make it all miraculously disappear. You cannot run from yourself.  Deal with it. Change the things you can, make peace with the things you cannot change.

I often joke that my future beach house is my Nirvana- my place of peace. I do realize however, that if I do not have peace within, I will have chaos despite my gorgeous, peaceful surroundings. My friend is searching for Nirvana, although he does not realize this. He is filled with such inner turmoil but thinks he can resolve everything and find peace by picking up and moving to a different place. The funny thing is, if he truly believed that, he would have moved by now. He will never find what he's searching for until he looks within.

Nirvana is not a place- it's a state of mind. Learn to be peaceful and content in any situation.

Wherever you go, there you are.

And this is my Daily Cyn.........

My McDonald's Experience

Yesterday, I actually stepped foot in a McDonald's Restaurant! Anyone who knows me, knows I am anti-FAST FOOD. I detest it!  I don't go as far as standing outside the establishments picketing or dissuading customers from entering the doorway to hell. I do encourage everyone I know to avoid such foods and one the first things I tell my clients is: "those Biggie-Size meals have got to go!"

 Unfortunately, my folks love fast food. They can order dinner from the dollar menu for five dollars between the two of them. They are on a fixed income and their days are consumed with visits to the doctor (which happens to be right near a McDonald's) so they always stop to get a little something. When people are on a strict budget, it's very hard to break them of the fast-food habit. My mom believes it's okay as long as they order a chicken sandwich instead of a burger. There's no way I can convince either of them how unhealthy this food is. Chicken sandwich or burger?  It doesn't matter. It's all bad.  I am fighting a constant losing battle. It's fast, it's good, it's cheap and they can afford to finish off their meal with an ice cream. Why not? It's only a dollar!

So, yesterday we had time to kill between doctor appointments and my dad wanted ice cream. I walked into McDonald's aka The Forbidden Zone, glancing around nervously. How on earth would I explain my being there should I bump into a client?  I sat beside my folks as they enjoyed their one dollar vanilla ice cream cones and a large order of  fries. Okay, I confess, I might have sampled a couple of french fries but have you seen the size of what McDonald's calls large? ENORMOUS, is more like it. One serving could feed five people.  And the ice cream, while it was probably very refreshing on such a hot day, just looked heavy and artificial to me so I chose not to indulge.

Here's what I saw as I sat in that McDonald's Restaurant.  It was lunch-time and customer after customer poured in and ordered Quarter Pounders, large fries and large soft-drinks. I know they sell salads there, but I did not see a single person eating one. It was burgers and fries. Or chicken nuggets. Frazzled, over-heated moms came in looking for a nice, cool place to bring the kids for awhile. And the children! I sat right near the door and the ear to ear grins on these kids' faces the moment they walked in was unbelievable. You would think they just arrived at Disney World. Jumping up and down, giggling and excited over a hamburger and french fries! What is it about this place that evokes such joy?

I love to see happy children but yesterday I felt so sad. McDonald's. What a racket. What a set-up! Kids becoming fast-food converts for life. Nothing else will ever taste as good. If they continue to eat food like this, they will become victims of obesity, heart disease, high cholesterol and even diabetes. Not to mention, high blood pressure from all that salt. That would be the day I would try to make my children or grandchildren happy by suggesting a trip to McDonald's.  Not even for a dollar ice cream cone!

By the way, take a look at the ingredients in McDonald's Ice Cream:

Vanilla Reduced Fat Ice Cream: Milk, sugar, cream, nonfat milk solids, corn syrup solids, mono- and diglycerides, guar gum, dextrose, sodium citrate, artificial vanilla flavor, sodium phosphate, carrageenan, disodium phosphate, cellulose gum, vitamin A palmitate.

And the cone it comes in:

Ice Cream Cone: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), tapioca starch, sugar, shortening [soybean oil, palm oil, soy lecithin (emulsifier)], leavening (baking soda, ammonium bicarbonate), salt, natural flavor (plant source), annatto (color), caramel color, corn syrup (processing aid).

YUCK!!! Do you really want to put this stuff in YOUR body? Or feed it to your children?

As far as I am concerned, fast food establishments like McDonald's are no better than the drug pushers on the corner, seducing our children until they are hooked for life.

I know. I am so dramatic and such a kill-joy, but hear me out. I am not against burgers, fries, ice cream or any kind of food.  I am against fake, processed, packaged, artificial, chemical laden, salt-cured, assembly-line produced garbage being passed off as food! I wish everyone could be a vegetarian like me, but I know that's simply not possible. However, if I can influence you to be mindful of the types of food you put into your body and what you feed your family, I can rest a little easier.

I understand the appeal, the convenience and the addiction of fast food. Some people actually need to withdraw from it slowly because it is such a habit and REAL food no longer tastes good to them. And I know it's quick and it's cheap. If you absolutely MUST have McDonald's, (or find yourself there against your will) here is a list of all their food and ingredients. Hopefully, after you see what they are really serving, you will never step foot in a McDonald's again!

McDonald's Ingredients List

My advice: eat REAL food. What you can get at McDonald's, you can better at make at home.  You know what's in it because you prepared it. Grill up your own burgers or veggie burgers and pile them high with all kinds of delicious, wholesome toppings and condiments. Have a Create Your Own Burger Night with your family. Bring home REAL ice cream (Aldens Organic Ice Cream is delicious). Or make your own ice cream. Serve it with REAL chocolate sauce, fresh cherries, strawberries or bananas and fresh whipped cream.  I know this all takes time and makes a mess.  It's so much easier to race through the fast food drive-thru. But the fun is in the preparation and the mess!  The smiles, laughter, excitement and the confidence in knowing you are serving wholesome, healthier options will be so worth it.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Let Someone Take Care of You.......

OMG! I just took a good look at myself in the mirror today. The first time in quite awhile, actually. My skin looks like it needs a bit of tender, loving care, I am in desperate need of some serious SPARKLE REMOVAL (my friend's affectionate term for covering those nasty grays), my fingernails look like I've been planting potatoes, and my clothes are literally hanging off me. For the past few weeks, I have been quickly hopping in the shower, slapping on some tinted moisturizer, securing my soaking wet hair in a big clip and going. My house looks like war zone. I can't remember the last time I ate a meal, hence my jeans are literally falling off my body. I can't find my belt so they are going to have to do for now. I bought a pair of really great black jeans some time ago. They were slightly tight when I bought them.  They are way too big now but I'm not too upset about that. I can get excited about fitting into a smaller size.

I wrote the following post on my Facebook business page this morning:

"The sure-fire way to forget your troubles is to pour your love and attention into someone else with troubles, too."

Sounds good, no? And it really does work. I have a few things going on in my life, but I have a friend who has suffered such devastating loss recently. Her sorrow is nothing compared to mine, so I spent my morning trying to encourage her. It made me feel better to do this. It took my mind off my own shit. My girlfriend felt love and strength and was greatly empowered after my phone chat with her. She is ready to face her day. I am ready to get busy with mine.

A fellow Facebooker, who also happens to be in Health and Wellness Biz, added a comment below my post:
"......or let someone help you!"

I swallowed hard when I read that. That's where I always seem to get stuck. Letting someone help me!

You know the saying " She can dish it out, but she can't take it?" That usually applies to bad things but it can mean something else, too. I can dish out the love, the encouragement, the 'you're so wonderful and amazing' compliments. I can pour it on thick like nobody's business. I will come over, clean your house, cook you a meal, take you out on the town, or do whatever it takes to make your life or situation easier. But, when it comes to asking for it myself OR accepting it when offered, I refuse.

Why is that?

I have some truly awesome friends. I keep getting invitations left and right to dinner, to the nail salon, comedy clubs, to meet for a cup of coffee. A friend even offered to give me a pedicure! My phone is ringing off the hook but I keep letting it go to voicemail. People want to talk to me. They want to see how I am holding up and if there is anything they can do to help. I have been rejecting everyone!

I am so damn proud. I pride myself on being a tower of strength. I don't need anyone. I can do it myself. I have always been that way. It's not necessarily a bad way to be but after really looking around my house today and gazing at myself in the mirror, I realize it might not always be the right way.

And, the truth is--if I let myself go, I will be totally useless to anyone else.

So this weekend I plan on doing a few things. A trip with my girlfriend to the salon for facials, hair and nail treatments. Accepting that dinner invitation from a kind and sympathetic gentleman who has been patiently waiting for weeks to share a meal with me. A girl's night out this coming Friday (just a for few hours, though. I am just not up for an all-nighter), and grocery shopping so I can fill my fridge and pantry with quick, easy, healthy food. My friend came over the other day and offered to vacuum for me. I declined that offer, too, but if she is still willing, I will let her. These all might seem so little and insignificant but in the whole scheme of things, they matter.  These small treats and favors will make me feel and look better. They will help provide the strength I need to keep going.

Take care of others. That's my mantra. It's okay to be that way. As your pour out your life for others, don't neglect yourself.  And if you are blessed enough to have friends and loved ones who want to help you, let them. They just want to give back a little bit of what you have given to them-- LOVE.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Scrub It

I spent the past week in and out of the hospital visiting my dad after extensive surgery. As I watched the nurses and other hospital employees dash about in their scrubs, I was reminded of when I first started wearing them. I started working in chiropractic office at the time. At first, I balked at the required uniform. I was accustomed to wearing skirts and heels to an office. Now I had to buy scrubs. A friend suggested I order them at http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/categories/Scrubs/.

After a few days of wearing those comfortable, light-weight pants with the drawstring waist, I was hooked. I never wanted to take them off. Getting dressed for work was a snap. No more agonizing over what to wear or what goes with what. Just pull on my scrubs and go. I saved time, money, and aggravation in the long run.

A good friend of mine wears nursing uniform scrubs at her job. She will never work any place where she has to worry about what to wear to work.  She loves her scrubs. They just makes life so much easier.  .

I am self-employed now and can wear whatever I wish. Most of the time, however, you will find me wearing my scrubs.

It's JUST Dinner, So Why Do I Keeping Saying NO?

So......there's this guy. Nice guy. Older, established, employed. Has his head together. At least as far as I can tell. If he doesn't, I am sure I will find out. He calls to chat a few times a week.  He sends text messages inquiring about my father or to ask "How you doing, girl?"

He keeps asking me to dinner.  I keep declining.

I have a pretty good excuse. Most people would understand my reasons for saying no right now. Unless they don't have a heart. This guy obviously has one. He keeps asking. I keep rejecting (for valid reasons, of course). He's persistent and assures me he's not giving up. Sometimes, I wish he would. But I am also glad he hasn't yet. I'm so confused. If I don't say yes one of these days, he will move on to someone else. He probably should. My life is a bit of a mess.

Honestly, what guy in right his mind would even consider getting involved with me now? I burst into tears at the drop of a hat and go to bed early most nights because I'm physically and emotionally drained. My companion of choice these days is my cat. He demands nothing from me except a clean litter pan, a dish full of food, and an occasional pat on the head. That's about all the love I have to spread around lately. Unless this new guy has some kind of Messiah Complex. He's gonna come and solve all my problems. Yeah, okay! That type of man comes in and takes over your life. Been there. Done that. Don't wish to do it again.

Perhaps he's just a nice, normal guy. Maybe he is real man. It's been a long time since I've met one of those......

What's wrong with me? It's just dinner. What's the harm in sharing a meal with a seemingly normal, nice, sympathetic gentleman? I am sure he'll pay. Not that money is an issue. I can afford to buy my own dinner. He doesn't strike me as the type who would expect me to reach into my purse. After my last relationship, where I foot the bill for everything, that's a refreshing thought.

So.....what's my problem?

I am the type of person who always digs down to the root of things. The heart of the issue. I believe there is a motive or a reason for everything we say and do (or don't) and how we act.  I see messages in the little things. So here I sit, trying to evaluate my reasons for constantly saying no to this really nice guy who keeps asking me to dinner. I am not worried that he isn't going to like me. He obviously already does. So what is it?

Yes, my father has cancer. He just had surgery and was in the hospital. It was scary and we were nervous. But my dad came home yesterday and is doing better than expected. We need to care for him but there's no need to be at his side 24/7. Most of the time, he sleeps. We have a nurse coming to help. And, my mom, God bless her,  is always around.

 I can certainly slip away for a few hours. It's been ages since I've gone anywhere or done anything. God knows, I could use a evening out. A little wining and dining from a kind gentleman would probably work wonders for me right now.

Here's the question I need to ask myself.  Am I using my father's illness to avoid certain things? OUCH! That hurts. But, maybe it's true. I mean, come on, I have the perfect excuse. That's exactly what it is: an excuse. A cover-up. Everyone gets sick. Everyone has problems. But life goes on. No one expects me to stop living or to put my life on hold. And if my dad knew I was refusing the invitations of a decent guy, he would be so upset. He wants me to be happy and enjoy life. He keeps asking me why I am not going out.

The truth? I am scared. I don't want to get involved with someone new because I don't want to be hurt. AGAIN. I am so tired of being disappointed and damaged by little boys in men's bodies. I just want to be happy and peaceful. So rather put myself back out there, I keep saying no. I keep telling this guy, I WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOU BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. It's not fair of me to keep stringing him along. If this was someone I had absolutely no interest in at all, I would have told him to get lost ages ago.

FEAR. It's a killer.............

What I need to do is get brutally honest and work on this fear thing. I need to overcome it and stop making excuses. Hopefully, I can work it all out before this guy gives up completely. After constant rejection, eventually even I would stop asking. Or I would say, when you're ready, give me a call but no there's no guarantee I will still be available. Wouldn't you?

Get to the heart of the matter, folks. It's important we understand ourselves and the reasons behind why we do the things we do. Especially when it comes to saying no to invitations and opportunities for growth, love or advancement. If we don't examine our hearts and search for the truth within, we will just keep repeating the same mistakes and miss out on living extraordinary lives.

There a few days left to this week and I plan on working on me. It's all quiet on the western front, so I can take time for myself. By Friday, I plan to say yes to that dinner invitation and enjoy an evening out with a charming gentleman. I will let you know how it goes.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Daddy Update

My dad. John Wayne, reincarnated. For sure. Words cannot even describe the strength of this man. After a grueling, four hour surgery in which a cancerous tumor was removed, organs and muscles torn out, bowels re-arranged, and his body sewn back together like a rag doll, he is solid as a rock. The morning after surgery, held prisoner in the Intensive Care Unit, he woke up demanding a toothbrush! The nurses had no idea what do with him. They are accustomed to patients who are, and who wish to remain, heavily sedated. Minty-fresh breath is the last thing on any one's mind down there in ICU.

My dad is the exception to every rule.  He was desperately trying to climb out of bed to wash up, shave, and brush his pearly whites. He described his ICU experience as a type of hell. He believed he had been sentenced there to wither away and die. Those were probably the drugs talking. From what I saw, the nurses were kind and attentive. They were just not prepared for the likes of my dad.

Over the past week, I have seen sides of my father I never knew existed. Let's just say Morphine and Dad don't mix. 6' 4" (too tall for any hospital bed) he is larger than life. His height alone is threatening. This kind and gentle giant became a bit of a tiger.  A few of the nurses were actually afraid of him. He experienced some pretty vivid dreams and hallucinations while under the influence of all the meds continuously pumped into him. Eventually, they had to stop administering the drugs, for his protection and theirs. Finally, once his mind was clear, he looked at me and said, "Why on earth would anyone want to take this stuff for fun?" Truth be told,  I've done my share of recreational drugs.  A father never needs to know that stuff about his daughter, so I just shook my head and whispered " I have no idea, Daddy."

As I write this, my dad is on his back in a hospital bed, doing leg-lifts, trying to raise them higher than his chest. He amazed all the doctors with his miraculous recovery and strong will to 'do it himself'. He has refused all pain killers and sleeping aids. I know his pain must be excruciating. In the same situation, I would be wearing out that button on the morphine drip. Or at the very least, demanding a vat of vodka be pumped into me 'round the clock. Not my dad. His grin and bear it attitude is astounding.

Yesterday was Dad's first day of solid food. He hadn't had anything to eat in over a week. When they said SOLID FOOD, I automatically assumed very light, bland, soft foods: scrambled eggs, oatmeal, jello, pudding. Imagine my surprise when his dinner tray arrived last night: pork chops, mashed potatoes, gravy, zucchini, canned fruit cocktail! He looked like a kid in candy store and began to consume it with gusto. I marched right out to the nurse's station insisting there had to be some kind of mistake because my dad can't eat this! His nurse reassured me that while my dad would not have much of an appetite, the doctor said he could eat whatever he wants now. NOT MUCH OF AN APPETITE? My dad ate every last bit of that meal, in seconds flat!

As a Holistic Health and Nutritional Consultant,  I saw everything wrong with the dinner he was served. I am a Vegan and I know Dad will never give up his meat, but pork chops and gravy? How about some grilled chicken or fish? When we left the hospital later, I said to my mom, "We need to seriously change Daddy's diet."

My folks believe I am crazy with the way I eat. My ideas about food as the foundation of healing and disease prevention is foreign to them.  They're in their seventies and would prefer to take a pill than consider changing their diet. They think my food is boring. Maybe, but at forty-nine years old, I am in perfect health.  I plan on tossing all the chips, dips, convenience foods, boxed mashed potatoes, macaroni with faux cheese, hamburgers, sausage, and hot dogs in my parents' kitchen and replacing it all with wholesome, healthy, REAL food.  My dad has cancer, for God's sake. Colorectal Cancer. Enough is enough.  I want my wonderful, amazing dad to win his battle with this horrible disease and stick around for a long time. We need him. The world needs him.

The doctor said my dad might come home today! The original plan was to hold him there no less than ten days after surgery.  A normal person would need that much time to recover. My dad is not normal. He is extraordinary. So extraordinary, in fact, that he took time to encourage and bless all his visitors yesterday. They were there to encourage him. Instead, they left laughing and weeping and filled with joy. That's my dad. Always a kind, exhorting word for others. Always thanking and glorifying God. One cannot help but fall in love with God after spending a few moments with my father.

My dad. He never feels sorry for himself. He walks the path and does not waiver.  He never takes any credit. He gives it all to God.  I am so blessed to have a father like this. Although dad and I differ on topics of religion and politics, his example makes my own relationship with God so much sweeter. It also sets my standards very high when I think of the kind of man with whom I wish to spend the rest of my life. This has forced me to make some hard choices recently. The right choices, but difficult nonetheless.

My father. God in him. As him.  Dad's work on earth as God's hand extended is not over yet. As his daughter, I plan to do everything possible to be sure his work gets done............

And this is my Daily Cyn................

Chill or Else.......

“What people commonly call stress, I believe is the rebellion of the heart. The heart can only take so much pain, disappointment, or upset. The heart is communicating to the mind, Hey! You better chill or else.”
 – Iyanla Vanzant


When I am under tremendous stress, I get chest pain. Bad chest pain. Fred Sanford kind of chest pain. Shortness of breath, the feeling of a gripping vice around my heart, fatigue. Sometimes it feels like a 500 pound bag of cement is on my chest.

I have been to countless doctors, sat in emergency rooms for hours and had every test under the sun including heart catherizations. Even my doctors believed I was having a heart attack despite the reports from numerous EKG's and stress tests that said I wasn't. Those tests are not fail-safe. Heart disease runs in my family. In fact, my father passed a stress test with flying colors and two weeks later had a heart attack. No doctor with knowledge of my family history wants to play around when it comes to me and my complaints about chest pain.

These trips to doctors offices and hospitals with chest pain went on for years. But everything kept coming up negative.  Then one day, I decided to really examine what was going on in my life when these attacks occured. Every single time- I was under tremendous stress: stress on the job, serious relationship issues, too many late night hours, too much food, or unwanted drama in my life or the lives of my loved ones.  The chest pains were especially prevelant when I felt trapped in a situation over which I had no control.

Whenever the balance of my peaceful world is turned upside-down, I have chest pain.
 
Stress. Plain and simple. I am NOT having a heart attack. I just needed to STOP and LISTEN.
 
Our bodies are truly miraculous and will tell us when it's time to chill! Everyone gets different types of warnings. When I was a little girl and very upset, hurt or frightened, I would raise dangerously high fevers. Eventually, after every possible disease had been dismissed, my pediatrician told my parents I needed to calm down. My father would sing to me or tell me stories. My mother would put me in the bathtub to help me relax. It worked. The high fevers were symptoms of my heart and soul crying out for peace. I couldn't take any more and my body was simply giving off warning signs.
 
People react to stress in different ways. Some get upset stomachs or headaches. There are a few people I know who suffer intense muscle and joint pain for no explainable reason. I don't raise high fevers anymore. Now I get chest pain. It is my body's way of telling me I have to slow down and pay attention. As soon as it happens, I stop and listen. I change and rearrange things in my life. I have had to leave stressful jobs and even ended relationships that were causing me pain, disappointment and heartache. The chest pains are a warning that something just isn't right and dangerous for my body, mind and spirit.
 
I learned to incorporate relaxation techniques into my life. Prayer, meditation, yoga. Instead of turning on the television (which sometimes adds even more stress) I light candles and listen to soothing music. I soak in warm bath, or go to the beach. There are times I escape for a weekend to a remote sight where I know I cannot be disturbed by continuous phone calls, emails and text messages. I call this UNPLUGGING. I need to do this to protect myself.
 
I have realized over the years just how tender my heart really is. When I feel things, I feel them with my heart. Sometimes it is all too much to bear and my heart begins hurt. It is telling me I have to do something, change something or turn away from something. I am very in tune with my body. I know immediately when something is not right because I feel it! It's my choice to keep going or stop.  When I pay attention, stop, listen and make positive changes to restore peace and balance to my life, my chest pains miraculously disappear.
 
I do want you to understand something. I am not foolish.  I take very good care of myself. I eat right, get plenty of rest and I exercise. I also make regular appointments with my cardiologist to be certain my" ticker" is functioning properly. I get a stress test annually. Heart disease runs in both sides of my family so I need to take care. So far, so good. I have a strong, healthy heart. I plan on keeping it that way.
 
Listen to what your body is telling you. Yes. Go see a doctor. You never want to neglect your health or ignore chest pain, stomach disorders, headaches or joint and muscle aches.  But all these symptoms could be a message from your heart and soul. Subtle warnings to stop, pay attention and change a few things in your life. In other words.....CHILL or ELSE!
 
And this is my Daily Cyn.........