Is Your Food "Addiction" Making You Fat?

I am accustomed to dealing with skeptics in my line of work, but one particular client always stands out in my mind.  Donna was a pretty, hard working, middle-aged woman. She was about thirty pounds overweight. At our first appointment, she told me she already knew she was wasting her time. I would never be able to help her. She had tried every single diet on the planet over the past few years and never lost a pound.  She was angry, fed up and "destined to be fat for the rest of her life". She was gonna be a tough one. I took a deep, cleansing breath and inquired as to why she believed she was 'destined to be fat'.

 "I am a bread addict!" she confessed.

"Why do you think you are addicted to bread?"

"I can't stop eating it," she responded. "I must have bread at every meal. I can eat a whole loaf all by myself. My husband and I eat out alot and when that bread basket arrives to the table, I just keep eating and eating until it's all gone.  It's like I am possessed!"

"Have you always been so obsessed with bread?"

"No, that's the funny part," she said. " It's something that just sort of happened over the past two years and I've put so much weight! LOOK AT ME!"

I asked her to share what had been going on in her life over the past few years. Here is what she told me:

In the course of two years, she lost both of her parents.
Her husband lost his job.
They were forced to sell their home because they could no longer afford the mortgage.
They were currently renting an apartment with a very small kitchen and no dining room.
She was currently working two jobs while her husband continued to look for work.
Family dinners and gathering at her house came to a screeching halt after her parents passed away.
Her husband couldn't even boil water, so they ate the majority of their meals and even holiday dinners at restaurants because she was too tired, too stressed, and too depressed to cook.

She went on to say how important family dinners and gatherings always were to her. She recalled all the great meals they used to have together.  She loved getting up early on Sunday mornings to put on a big pot of tomato sauce for pasta.

"My dad went to the bakery every Sunday to pick up loaves of fresh Italian bread. We would gather in the kitchen and dip the bread into the sauce as it simmered. We put some in oven with butter and chopped garlic, " she said. "We would pile bread in a big basket and pass it around the table. Oh, that bread was so good. I have such memories of laughter and love."

Donna just didn't have the time and energy, the finances, or the extra space in her home to host those dinners any more. She missed her parents and now that they were both gone, nothing was the same. She was sad because everyone seemed to be going their separate ways and she felt like she was disconnected from everything and everyone.  The tough skeptic who sat across from me with arms folded across her chest, began to cry.

"Donna," I said. "I don't believe you're addicted to bread. You're addicted to the feeling that the bread gives you! Every time you see a basket filled with bread you eat too much of it because you are trying to fill a void in your life. You miss a family ritual that's obviously a very important part of who you are. Eating all the bread is a temporary fix to replace all those good feelings you had during  your family dinners!"

I knew this was going to go one of two ways. She would either write me off a total crack-pot or sit up and pay attention.

She sat up and paid attention so I went right on talking.

"Why don't you try to get the family together for dinner at your place? Have everyone bring something so the whole burden and expense doesn't rest on you. If you don't have the time to make homemade sauce, buy a few jars of the best tomato sauce you can find instead.  Nobody cares if  you cooked it yourself or not. What really matters is that you are all together eating Sunday pasta, passing the breadbasket around the table, remembering your parents and making some new memories!"

"That's it?" she asked when I indicated our session was over. "No diet plan or list of forbidden foods?"

"Eat what you want," I said. "Your only assignment is to have a family dinner within the next two weeks, call me when you have it all set, and then come back and tell me about it after."

A few days later, Donna called to tell me she had arranged a family dinner at her apartment that Sunday. But now she was in a bit of panic because she had no idea where to put everyone.

"You'll figure it out!" I told her.

Two weeks later, Donna returned to my office with a different attitude. She had Sunday dinner at her home since I'd seen her last. She moved some of her furniture out of the living room and set up a big folding table so everyone could sit and eat together. She really didn't want to use sauce from a jar, so she set time aside the day before to prepare it.  Not only that, but she also had the whole family over again on a Friday night for fried fish and green bean casserole, just like they used to do when her folks were still alive. Everyone had contributed something: salad, appetizers, fresh bread from the bakery, dessert.

"How are you doing with your bread addiction?" I asked.

"I still love my bread. I went out to my favorite restaurant right before our appointment tonight and had two big slices of bread with butter while waiting for the waitress to take my order." she said. "But I ordered a salad instead of an appetizer and I took one more piece of bread to eat with it.  When my dinner arrived, I told the waitress to take the bread basket away."

"That' s great!" I told her. "You've made some very positive changes in a very short time. Keep going and come back to see me in two weeks."

"You're not gonna yell at me about the bread I ate at dinner?" she asked. "What about the butter? Isn't butter bad for me?"

"Donna, you're a big girl. If you want to eat bread with butter, go ahead! Eat it and enjoy!"

She arrived to her next appointment proudly announcing that she had hosted two Sunday dinners, another Friday night fish-fry, and was certain she lost some weight but was afraid to actually step on a scale and possibly "jinx it".

 "I don't understand this," she said. "I'm not really doing anything different but yet my clothes are starting to feel loose! And my sister thinks she is losing weight, too!"

"And your bread addiction?" I asked.

"Well, the other day I ordered a huge salad for dinner at my favorite restaurant. It was loaded with lot of fresh veggies, sliced turkey breast, cubed cheese. It came with soup and two bread sticks. I ate the bread sticks." She paused for a moment. "I never touched the bread in the breadbasket! Oh. My.God! I didn't eat the bread!"

I smiled. "You didn't need the bread, Donna."

Donna continued on as my client for six months. In that time, she lost over thirty pounds. Sunday dinner at her house became a weekly ritual. One Friday night a month, she and her family gathered together for a fish-fry and a movie. She joined a gym for $20 a month. She still ate out at restaurants very often and occasionally enjoyed a piece of bread or two with butter. Sometimes, she didn't reach into the bread basket at all. I never told Donna that she couldn't or shouldn't eat bread. She simply didn''t need to have it any more.

I helped Donna with a lifestyle change. It never included a particular diet plan or list of forbidden foods. We simply identified her cravings and replaced them with food for the soul. In her case, she lost so much in a very short period of time: her parents, her home, her husband's income, the safety net of family and loved ones at all those big dinners. Once she realized she was relying on bread to provide of those loving, secure feelings and replaced the bread with what she really needed,  she was "cured" of her addiction. End result: weight loss!



Are family dinners the answer to your weight issues? I don't know. Maybe. You could be packing on the pounds for different reasons. Stress. Boredom.  Menopause. The typical American Diet!

If you are frustrated, depressed and tired of the diet roller coaster ride, contact me and let's chat.


 One chat could change your life.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Lose Weight to Reduce or Eliminate Aches, Pains and Fatigue!

"My back hurts!"
My knees ache!"
My feet are killing me!"
I'm so tired!"

Many people I know suffer from one or all of these aches and pain.  They're tired all the time. They pop Advil or pain pills to mask the pain. They suck down energy drinks or several cups of coffee to keep going.

Does this sound like you?



.
Did you know the majority of your aches,  pains and fatigue can be greatly reduced or even eliminated?**

Want to know how?

LOSE WEIGHT!!!

That's right! Excess weight causes stress, pain and fatigue in your body. Don't believe me?

Take this test:

Find an item that weighs about ten pounds. Carry it with you all day long. Take it everywhere: to school, work, to the grocery store.  Don't put it down, not even for a minute. How do you feel at the end of the day?  I am pretty sure you're tired and your body aches. If you feel this way after just one day, imagine how your body feels carrying an extra ten pounds all the time? What if you're carrying an additional twenty, thirty, or even forty pounds of excess weight?

Do you think your aches, pains, fatigue and other complaints are because of excess weight**?

Could be...........

So what can you do?

First you need to determine whether or not you actually are overweight. If your pants don't fit or you're more comfortable in the larger size, you've probably gained a few pounds. The best tip I can give you is, no matter how tempting to go out and buy the larger size, DON'T! Cut back on what you're eating immediately. If you fail to address your weight gain from the very beginning, it will be that much easier to keep moving up a size for "comfort's sake" and before you know it, you'll be buying all your clothes from the Large Lady section or The Big and Tall Man department. And you'll have no idea how it ever got so out of hand!

What if you are way beyond that point? You've gone up two or three sizes in the past couple of years. Yep, you're overweight and you know it!

What now?

I am not a big fan of Weight Charts. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to fit into a category dictated by National Standards and sometimes that's just not possible. Some folks just look and feel better with a little more or a little less weight. You might be ten pounds overweight (according to the standard weight charts) but still look great and feel great with no complaints in the aches, pains or fatigue department.  It's not about numbers, it's about how you feel! For the rest of you, I suggest you get an idea what you should weigh and how much excess weight you are carrying.

Here's a chart to determine this. Remember, this is only a guide but your ideal weight should fall somewhere in line with this chart (give or take a few pounds) based on your height and your build (small, medium, or large frame).

Weight/Height Chart

Once you have an idea of what you should weigh, step on a scale. How far off are you? Twenty pounds? Thirty? Forty? More? Whatever it is, you need to lose it. Forget crash diets, pills and potions. They never work, at least not long-term. You want to take off the pounds and keep them off- FOREVER!

The best way permanently take off weight is to eat a diet rich in lean protein, whole grains, and lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Eliminate most sugary treats and fatty snacks and stop eating at fast food restaurants. Avoid packaged, processed foods. I promise, the weight will come off. You will not drop ten pounds in a week but losing a pound or two in seven days is reasonable and healthy.

Here's a rule when it comes to weight loss:

OUTPUT MUST BE GREATER THAN INPUT!

This means, your level of activity must be more than what you are eating. That's right--exercise! You MUST MOVE YOUR BODY!

I never promote or suggest calorie counting, but if you want to lose weight, you must reduce the amount of food you eat.  You shouldn't have to carry a pocket calorie counter for the rest of your life to remain a healthy size. That's just crazy. You are much smarter than you realize when it comes how much you should or shouldn't be eating.  An Egg McMuffin and a hot chocolate with whipped cream for breakfast, a bacon double cheese burger, fries and milk shake at lunch, and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy at dinner is too much food! You will never lose weight eating that way. However, it's a good idea to determine how many calories you actually need to function and the number of calories you will need to reduce daily if you want to lose those extra pounds. Here's a formula:

How Many Calories Do I Need a Day?

For example, my body requires 1500 calories a day. If I want to lose a pound or two a week, I need to reduce that number daily by 500 calories. That's really not difficult, especially if my daily diet is wholesome, healthy and I am mindful of what I am eating and drinking. I don't have to count calories. I just need to cut back on a few things: the cheese on my eggs at breakfast, the bottle of soda with my lunch, the second glass of wine with dinner, that extra slice of garlic bread, cookies with my evening tea...... That's about 500 calories right there!
See how easy it is?

Losing weight really isn't all that difficult! It's not rocket science, folks.

When you get rid of that excess weight not only will you look better-- your aches, pains and fatigue might just disappear!

Do you need a little help or a push in the right direction?  Let's schedule an appointment to chat about your lifestyle and your goals. Together we will come up with a personal plan that works for YOU!  I am at your service.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

**Disclaimer: This is NOT medical advice. I am not a physician nor do I claim to have the cure for pain. Sports injuries, accidents, carrying children, standing all day at work, lifting heavy items on the job, years of squeezing your feet into cheap, ill-fitting shoes--these can all cause great pain. Stress or depression can
make you feel tired all the time. These are legitimate reasons for aches, pains and fatigue.  If you are under a doctor's care for any of these complaints or ailments,  please do not discontinue your prescribed method of treatment.

Setting Boundaries, Saying No, and Dealing with the Drama

Do you have trouble saying no or being upfront and honest for fear of hurting or insulting others?  Sometimes, I do. I am usually a friendly, sensitive, caring person, which is good, but sometimes it's bad. Why is it bad? There are times I put the feelings, opinions, and values of others before my own. I don''t want to ever hurt any body or give them a reason to think I am selfish.  It might be easier to keep silent about it and avoid making waves or hurting others, but it only adds to the stress and drama of my life.

The reason I am bringing this up  is because I feel really awful about something that occurred this past weekend.  I blasted two people with my big mouth and now neither of them wants to speak to me ever again. I didn't mean to lash out in such a harsh way, but I did. Blame it on stress, blame on lack of sleep, blame it on concern for a couple of my loved ones, but these two individuals frustrated me until I finally reached my breaking point and exploded.  Couple all this with the fact my dad was rushed to the hospital with chest pain on Saturday right smack in the middle of everything else he's going through. I was on edge, to say the least.  It didn't take much to push me right off the cliff.

The sad part is, this all could have been avoided had I not put their feelings ahead of mine.  My resentment and anger toward them had been brewing for a long, long time. I should have nipped it all in the bud from the very beginning. This means, the first time I realized I was irritated by them or their actions, it was my responsibility to lovingly, but firmly, say something. Because they were adding more stress and drama to my life, I needed them to give me time and space for a little while. In the end, I did get what I wanted, but not quite the way I wanted.

You have to let others know how you feel and what you need.  If there are people adding to the stress in your life rather than helping to alleviate it, you owe it to yourself (and them) to let them know. It's perfectly acceptable to tell your ex-boyfriend to lose your phone number or to stop texting you all hours of the night.  Deleting someone from your Facebook friends' list who keeps sending insulting messages because you're not on-line as often as you used to be does not mean you are heartless or selfish.  You are not a poor excuse for a friend if you decline an invitation for dinner or drinks.  It's okay to let someone know you're just not in the mood for another long, drawn-out conversation about love and relationships. And, just because someone asks for your phone number doesn't mean you have to give it. I gave my number recently to some guy whom I had absolutely no interest in and now he won't stop calling me! What was I thinking? I didn't want to hurt his feelings and say no when he asked. That's crazy! So what if he walked away thinking I am a bitch? I know I'm not a bitch. That's all that really matters. Saying no once in awhile or being totally honest about what you want (or don't want) doesn't make you a bad person.

In fact, people will like and respect you a whole lot more when you're upfront, honest and do choose to say no now and then.

If you don't say no or set some boundaries with people they will misunderstand your intentions and build false hopes concerning you, think it's okay to stalk you on Social Networking sites, suck up all your time, or harass you with constant phone calls and nasty text messages on the first free night you've had in months to go out with your girlfriends. Allowing stuff like this to continue causes resentment and anger to build inside. Mix it all together with extreme stress and when you least expect it, all hell breaks loose. That's what happened to me this past weekend. If you allow it to get that point, the damage will be so bad that you might not be able to repair it.

Speak your mind. Set boundaries, be honest.  Don't say yes to every request or invitation because you feel obligated or you're afraid if you say no, someone is going to be angry or hurt.  They'll get over it. Listen to what your body, mind and spirit are telling you. If you're stressed and agitated, identify the source and eliminate it. Walk away if you have to, even if it's only for a short season. If people do not understand or become insulted because you are taking care of YOU, it's their problem, not yours. Move on.

I am under tremendous stress and my life is crazy now but it's no excuse for the way I acted this weekend. I am ashamed of myself for hurting two people I care about, but I really have no one to blame but myself.  Yes, they are both insensitive and selfish but I allowed my hostility to fester and spread until I had enough and completely annihilated them. This is never a good thing. NEVER!  I might be a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach, but I am not perfect. I am sharing my experience with the hope that it will keep you from making the same mistakes.

This all reminds me of an article I wrote over a year ago. It was all about saying no.  Evidently, I am not heeding my own advice lately, so I needed to read it again. Here it is, should you wish to read it, as well.

Just Say No!

And this is my Daily Cyn............

The Best Things in Life

The best things in life aren’t things. --Art Buchwald

And this is my Daily Cyn..............

If You Want To Know Where Your Heart Is...............

Here is where my mind keeps wandering today.......

 

My son, who went back to work today after being sick for the past two days...............

 
 
 

My dad.  Chemotherapy is kicking his butt right now :(

Lunch! I'm hungry.....  

 

 

Finding new clients............

 
 
 

Where is your mind wandering today?

Where does it wander most of the time?

Be honest.

That's where your heart is.

I hope it's some place wonderful.........

And this is my Daily Cyn.............

Super Size Me..............

Remember when a small-sized bag of McDonald's french fries was more than enough? When we were satisfied with a single scoop ice cream cone?  What happened?

Now we have to have the big bag, the super-combo, the jumbo portion, the triple dip, the generous helping,  the economy size.

A family style restauarant?  OH, YEAH! Let's go there. Bigger portions. Who cares if we each order an appetizer that's really meant to be shared by four people? And they don't skimp on the drinks there, either. Free refills! We walk out of that restaurant feeling so full. We think we are content but we can hardly walk, talk, breathe, or keep our eyes opened. The whole rest of the night is total waste because all we want to do now is sleep.  So what? At least we got our hard-earned money's worth. 

Better yet, let's go to the Buffet!  All the crab legs, fried chicken and mashed potatoes we can eat! And we can have three or four different desserts instead of just one!

Go out dancing now? After dinner? Forget it! We can't move!

And we keep getting bigger and bigger and don't understand why.............

Big companies spend big money on advertising. Advertising that tells us we need to eat this way!

We are duped into believing a little is never enough! That we need more! It's sensible or more economical to buy the bigger size!

Maybe when it comes to laundry detergent or toilet paper. But not when it comes to food! The more we have, the more we're gonna eat!

Why go with the regular size when we can Biggie Size it? Only a few cents more. That makes sense, doesn't it? Yes...... if we're planning to share that Biggie Size sack of fries with two or three other people! Yeah, sure! Like that's gonna happen!

The commercial says we can't just eat one potato chip, we need to eat whole bag. So we buy and eat biggest bag of chips we can find!

But we don't need it. We really don't........... They just need us to think we do!

That way we keep them in business. And we keep the multi-billion dollar diet industry in business, too.

One hand washes the other...........

It's a ploy to make us fat and keep us fat. So everyone is happy, except.....US! 

Don't fall for it! Say no!

Everything is okay.....in moderation. Just keep it small. Keep it simple. 

Less is more............

And this is my Daily Cyn............

He's Just Not That Into You!!

"If he's not moving hell or high water to get to you, if he doesn't call to let you know not to wait for him because he can't make it, if he's not banging your door down the next day to make it up to you because he didn't or couldn't show up the night before- DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM! Unless he's dead, in a coma, bleeding out, or all his bones are broken -HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!" -Cynthia
 
I want to share a little personal story with you for two reasons:
 
1. I need to vent because I am a little pissed off  (at myself)
2. I KNOW I am not the only one guilty of making excuses for other people--especially when it comes to men.
 
Girls--this is for you. Guys--don't stop reading. You might learn something.............
 
This past weekend, I got stood up! 
 
Never, in all my years of dating has that ever happened to me. It wasn't a blind date or anything like that. It was an opportunity, an extending of the proverbial olive branch, an attempt to give someone I love and who claims to love me another chance............
 
Let me explain......
 
There's this guy who says he loves me. He continuously sends text messages affirming his love for me. He misses me. He wants me back. He tells me he's changed and I owe it to US to give him another chance! Now mind you, he knows where I live. He's been to my house hundreds of times. Not once, since we broke up,  has he shown up at my door asking to see me. I haven't received any love notes or cards in the mail. No deliveries from the local florist. All the different occasions when he knew I was going to be at such and such a place at such and such a time (we have the same friends), he's never shown up. Not that I am looking for all that. I'm just sayin'.....! He's never called to hear my voice. He just keeps sending me text messages.
 
Are you getting the picture?
 
Last Tuesday, he made a little extra effort and asked if I would consider meeting him for a drink.  I texted back that I really didn't have much free time. This is the truth. I don't have much time. However,  if he really wanted to see me, he could "come down to the comedy club on Saturday night around 9:30 because that's where I'll be".  
 
I was meeting friends down there--my friends. Friends who don't know the details of our relationship. I thought it might be nice if we could all have a drink or two in a casual setting, share a few laughs, some conversation, and then go home. I figured this was safe spot to meet. We certainly wouldn't argue in a public place.  I had arranged for my friends to pick me up and drive me home so there would be no temptation to 'stop at his place' on the way home.   It would be like a real date. We never really actually dated. We started hanging out in a bar and it kind of evolved into a committed relationship. There was no chasing or courting or winning my affection.  That was a MISTAKE I will never make again!
 
I thought he would jump at the opportunity to spend some time with me. Why? Because he claims to love and miss me so much! He has not seen or actually spoken to me in almost five months! The tickets to the show were free with a two drink minimum. So for the low, low price of around twelve bucks, he could have a nice evening out with me.  I am a modern gal.  I don't need a man to pay for my drinks, especially when I know he doesn't have much money. Not a bad deal, huh?

He rattled off a list of excuses:
 
1. he would feel stupid showing up there in front of my friends
2. he wanted to be alone so we could "talk" (in other words: let's get drunk and have sex)
3. he had transportation problems

Honestly, I think he expected me to change my plans to accomodate him on my first night off in several months. I wasn't about to do that!  I'm not that foolish.
 
I questioned his transportation issue.
 
"If you have no car, how were you planning to meet me for a drink this week?"
 
He said if he had to, he would walk.
 
"If you really want to see me, meet me around 9:30 on Saturday night." 
 
 He said he would try.
 
TRY? Either you will or you won't. There is no try.
 
That's how I left it with him. I never heard another word until Saturday around 7PM.
 
Another text message and more excuses............
 
He was uncomfortable with the idea of just showing up. He had no car. He was waiting for a family member to come home so he could borrow that car.  He was trying to make it happen. I responded with a simple "OKAY".   I went on to the club with my friends and  just in case,  left word at the front desk that another guest might be arriving late. I wasn't holding my breath, though. I knew he wasn't going to show. I knew because he has disappointed me several times before. There's a pattern. And each time, I made excuses for him. It was time to put the love he claimed to have for me to the test, once and for all.
 
He never did show up. He didn't even bother to text me to let me know he wasn't showing up. Trust me, I didn't wait for him, either. I didn't sit there checking my phone every five seconds. I purposely sat with my back to door so I couldn't see whether he arrived or not. I didn't continuously gaze around the room just in case he couldn't get to our table and was sitting someplace else until the show ended. I enjoyed the company of good friends and laughed until my sides hurt. I had a great night.
 
I eventually did receive a text message as I was climbing into bed later around 2AM.  "Sorry I missed the opportunity to see you."  I never responded. This guy is no fool. He knows he blew it big time. There's no getting into my good graces now. The sad part is--he doesn't care.
 
Perhaps I am a romantic dreamer, but I think if you love someone, you will move heaven and hell to make it happen. Who cares if you feel stupid?  I always do stupid things when I am in love because I not thinking about myself--I am thinking about the other person!
 
This guy had five days to plan, beg, borrow or steal a car to come and meet me. Instead, he waited until the last minute and couldn't make arrangements. No phone call? No text to let me know he couldn't make it?  "I'm so sorry, baby, I can't get there but I will make it up to you tomorrow or the next day." That might have worked. Things happen. Cars break down. People won't lend you their car because they have plans. I get it. I am not that heartless. How about taking the train or a cab? Hey! Where's there's a will, there's a way. I took two different trains and the subway just to spend one weekend a month with a guy I cared about a few years ago. My high school sweetheart used to walk five miles to my house to spend time with me. When some one is important, you make it happen. And if you can't for whatever reason, you let them know. And you make it up to them. ALWAYS. If your guy or girl or even your best friend is NOT doing this is for you, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.
 
The point of my story is this- Don't make excuses for people! The old me would have thought of a hundred different reasons why this guy didn't show. When I love someone and they let me down, it's easier to make excuses for them. Why? Because it makes me feel like less of an idiot.  And, it's a whole lot easier to lie to myself than it is to face the truth:  HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME!
 
I am not hurt. I am relieved. I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it's time to let go of any hopes that one day he and I would find a way to work this thing out. He let me know exactly where his heart is and it certainly isn't with me.  I am a bit angry with myself for letting it drag on this long. That's what happens when you love someone.  You don't want to give up. You want to keep believing the best.
 
So...... you keep making excuses!
 
STOP!!!
 
Put love to the test.  The person who claims to love you might shout it from the roof-tops but if they aren't willing to walk through heaven and hell for you, they don't love you. And if you are not willing to do the same for them, it's time for a reality check. You are wasting your time. Let go and move on!  Forgive. Forgive them and forgive yourself.   And don't settle until you get the love you want!
 
Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and The City) said it best:
 
"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love!"
 
That's what I want and I am not about to make any excuses!
 
And this is my Daily Cyn.......