Live in the Moment

Live in the Moment. A catchy phrase. Everybody says it. It sounds good; but what does it mean?

Living in the moment is to practice Mindfulness. And, yes, it must be practiced because mindfulness does not happen naturally.  Your mind has a tendency to wander and focus on everything else other than the present moment.

Example: When you listen to a conversation; are you really listening or is your mind wandering and thinking of clever ways to respond?

Hmmm.............

What is mindfulness?

It is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.


Forget about yesterday. It's over. Forget about tomorrow. It's a day away. Don't think about what you need to do an hour from now. Be here. Be now. Be present.

When you eat; eat. When you walk; walk. When you listen; listen. When you kiss; kiss. When you touch; touch.

Each time your mind begins to wander; bring it back to exactly where you are and stay there.  Live and breathe in that moment.

Your experiences will be so much richer and more fulfilling.  Your mind will be clear and sharp.  Your intentions will be pure and selfless.


And this is my Daily Cyn............

Self-Nurturing- Knowing What You Need and Why You Need It........

I am a strong and independent woman and proud of it! Most of the time I have an "I don't need anybody" attitude. I am like the female version of John Wayne; I'll fight against good and evil and ride off into the sunset. Proud and alone.  I can attribute this attitude to a few things:

1.  I managed to pick up the pieces of my ruined life many years ago and completely change it.
2.  I am single and although I would like to find the right guy, I am not constantly out on the prowl looking for a man nor am I weeping over the fact that I not actually in a relationship. I don't need a man. I want one.
3.  Everything I need to know about getting the job done myself, I learned my father.


It's good to be self-reliant and independent but sometimes, it can also be very, very bad. No one ever rushes to assist John Wayne because most people think he's got it covered. Not to mention, he's probably too proud to ask or risk tarnishing his very capable image.

Every once in a blue moon, when things become too much for me to handle, I actually do need someone else to lean on for support. This can be confusing for those who see me as fiercely independent. This past week was one of those times. I had too much handed to me all at once and I felt as if I was going to crumble under the pressure. I didn't really want help; not physical help, anyway.  I knew what I had to do. Yes, I wanted some advice and I got that from a dear friend. What he told me; I already knew. I had to exercise some real tough love. Tough love is easy advice to give to someone else.  I tell other people to do it all the time. It's not so easy when it's your turn to put it into practice.

I did what I had to do and quite honestly, that proverbial shit that's supposed to hit the fan still hasn't happened. Not completely, anyway. I am not sure what is going to happen. All I did is put my foot down and declare certain practices and behaviors unacceptable. And........If you don't like it; get the hell out and I don't give a damn where you go! Those are the most difficult words in the world to say to someone you love. Deep inside, your greatest fear is that they will leave. And then what? Truth be told, I am not a threatening, ultimatum type of person. That's grossly out of character for me. I am usually tolerant and accepting and people know this about me. The fact that I had to take such a strong stand wore me out completely. I was broken, scared, and alone.  For the first time in a very long time, what I needed was a strong man to put his arms around me and reassure me that everything was going to be okay. Even if he wasn't so certain of that fact himself.  Well, hello. I am single. There is no man in my life to hold me. There's no lover or partner who knows me well enough to realize how badly I wanted reassurance and needed to lean  just a little bit for just a little while.  I almost ashamed to admit I wanted to be stroked and coddled and free to cry in some guy's arms for as long as I needed.

My desire and need was so strong that I did not know what to do with myself. Wait. I knew what I could do. I could get myself all dolled up and go down to the local bar, have a few drinks, and take my pick of any guy there. That's a great place to find someone to hold you. They're willing. They'll hold you all night if that's what you want. No strings, no demands, no real intimacy. Several years ago, that's probably what I would've done. Those kinds of actions, however, come with a price; at least for me. A lack of respect for myself and in the long run; feeling even more lonely than I was before. The only way to cure that is to go back out and do it again.  And so begins the cycle of destructive behavior and self-loathing. No thank you. I fought very hard to get where I am now and I don't believe in moving backward. I only believe in moving ahead. Even if that means I have to go alone.

So, I decided to sit down and think about what I wanted and needed. I immediately crossed being held in the arms of a nice, strong man off the list. There was no one around to do that for me and I sure as hell wasn't going out to find a temporary guy. So, what next? Since I couldn't have that; what would be the next best thing? What was I looking for? What did I really need?
Understanding
Love
Peace
Security
Change of Environment
Joy

Yes. Those are things I needed. So how could I get them in a healthy, non-destructive way?

Well, I knew sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself was a bad idea. These four walls served as a reminder of recent events and I knew if I stayed here it would be too tempting to give into the unthinkable. So, I packed my bags and took off for Brooklyn. That's the one place I know where I am loved and accepted for my wild and wacky self. I could spend time with my sister and her husband. Their greatest joy is to spoil me, feed me all my favorite foods, and drag me all over the city. My three year old niece lives with them and she happens to worship the ground I walk on. I would trade my sorrow for a weekend filled with activity, laughter, love and security. Problem solved. Okay, the big problem? Still not completely resolved but what I needed, I found in one weekend, without sacrificing an ounce of self-respect or dignity. Part of my healing was making the decision to not talk about my issues with anyone else the entire time. I completely removed my body, mind and spirit from the situation and kept my focus on other things. As a result, I returned home last night well-rested, well-feed, well-loved, and with enough strength to deal with whatever comes my way. If I feel myself wavering again; back to Brooklyn I will go.

This is self-nurturing. Self nurturing does not mean anesthetizing yourself or going out to find a temporary fix.  More often than not, the results of doing that will make you feel even worse.  Self-nurturing means taking care of yourself in healthy ways and identifying what it is you really need and want. It could involve sitting down and completely deconstructing all of it; like I did. I couldn't have what I wanted at that moment so I had to substitute it with something else. Feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on what I did not have quite possibly could have ended badly. I am not willing to take that chance.

I work with clients and help them to identify their cravings and unhealthy choices. I also assist them in understanding why they make these choices and reach for temporary fixes instead of the real thing. Most often, it all stems from hurt, fear, disappointment, rejection, and lack of understanding and acceptance of oneself.

To be truly successful and healthy in your body, mind, and spirit, you must get to know who you are; including your strengths and your weaknesses. Identify your destructive temporary quick fixes. What are they? Food? Drugs? Alcohol? Sleeping the day away? Even too much exercise can be an unhealthy, temporary fix. Slowly begin to replace those things with good alternatives that will contribute to your health and healing. What do you really want?  A candy bar or a hug? More often than not; it's the hug you really want. Practice a bit of self-nurturing, know what you need, when you need it, and how to get it. And then...... go get it!

And this is my Daily Cyn................

A Place of Peace and Love

My Place of Peace and Love.

Peace can only created only by those who are peaceful and love by those who have loved.
-Deepak Chopra, from his latest book, Spiritual Solutions.




And this is my Daily Cyn...........

Where I need to Be........

Eventually, we all get there.

And this is my Daily Cyn.............

Let It Shine

You are a light; a burning flame. You are here to dispel the darkness and chase away shadows. Your light can separate truth from lies, pleasure from pain, good from bad, compassion from hate. Your light can illuminate the most difficult journey.

When I was little girl, I learned this song in Sunday School:

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine
I am gonna let it shine. 
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. 



Simple? Yes. Silly? Sort of; but this little song has always been my mantra.  I carry it in my heart everywhere I go.

It isn't easy to keep the light burning. The brighter it burns, the greater the desire to quench it.  Others will try to extinguish it for you because your light reveals their darkness. Don't let them. Keep shining.

My name actually means Reflector of Light. Maybe there's a bit of truth to that. I've spent years searching for the true meaning for my life. I had high hopes and visions of grandeur. I was absolutely certain there were big plans for me to really be somebody and to accomplish amazing things. The truth is; there's nothing special about me. The big plan for my life is to just keep burning.  Everything else that happens is simply a result of shining my light.

Let your light shine. Keep it burning.  Don't cover it or hide it. Never ever allow anyone to extinguish it.





 Your light is your gift and your gift is your light.......

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Dear Mama

The best advice my mom ever gave me is this:

You can always judge the true character of a man by the way his treats his mama.

Words of wisdom I will always remember.

Happy Mother's Day.

You are appreciated. For all you do. For who you are. For your unconditional love.

You are the wind beneath our wings.

And this is my Daily Cyn....

Square Peg, Round Hole

I used to be in Mortgage Industry. How I ever became involved that business  is beyond me and a story for another time.  I am more of a peace, love, group hug type of a girl.  That doesn't really doesn't work well  in the world of mortgages, so I had to adapt.  It didn't take long for me to become as cut-throat and under-handed as the rest of the boys. I could lie right to a client's face without batting an eyelash.  I changed my personality to fit the position but I paid a very high price.  At that time, that's where the money was. I wanted the money. I also wanted the prestige that went along with it.



 I am not saying the entire mortgage business is bad. I've worked with some wonderful and very honest mortgage companies. I've also worked with some real dirt bags and in order to get the job done, I had to be a bit of a dirt bag, too. Years later, I took a long, hard look at myself and realized that career was not the perfect fit for me.

I remember when I first became a Mortgage Loan Processor. It was a big promotion and I was determined to the best processor ever.  There was a particular client file that had been floating around the office for over a year. No one was able to secure a mortgage for this borrower. Everyone tried and failed and eventually the file was pushed aside but not forgotten. On my first day as a brand new processor, my manager came in to my nice new office and dropped that twenty-pound file on my desk. I already knew all about it. I had heard the screaming and cursing and witnessed the temper tantrums. One processor in the office became so frustrated that she actually threatened to quit over it.  I swallowed hard and gave my manager my best deer in the headlights look.


 "You've got to be kidding me," I whined. "You can't give me this file. I have no clue what I'm doing!"

I thought he would understand but instead he yelled at me. "You wanted to be a processor! Here you go. Figure it out. Square peg. Round hole. Make it fit. At any cost!" And with that, he stormed out my office.

I was so upset. Petrified was more like it. And angry. Square peg. Round hole! I really wanted to shove something up his you know what. Instead, I spent the rest of my day ripping that file apart. I did the very same thing the next day. And the next; until I finally came up with a way to get the loan done. From then on, I only wanted to work on the really difficult loans. Give the easy ones to someone else. I loved the challenge and attacked each one with the same determination as the first. That's how I became one of the best. Square peg. Round hole. Make it fit. At any cost.

There's something to be said for the person who is willing to do anything to get a job done. Turn over every stone. Never quit. Those are rare and admirable qualities, especially when it comes to business. I happen to be that kind of person; not just when it comes to work, but in almost every area of my life. I am always trying to get that square peg into the round hole. I will push and shove and try every angle possible to make it fit. I don't like to give up or take no for answer. I refuse to accept defeat. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's good. There's just one little problem.  What happens to the square peg?

For years I tried to force square pegs into round holes. I really made a bit of a mess. I took on projects and responsibilities that were impossible complete. I got involved in careers that demanded I become the type of person I was never meant to be. I remained in unhealthy relationships because I refused to give up. I even tried to be who other people thought I should be. Square peg. Round hole. Make it fit. At any cost. As a result, I became a damaged, shredded, broken square peg. It took a very long time to heal.

Sometimes, things just don't fit. No matter how hard we push and shove;  there's no way it's going to happen. The key is to know when to keep trying and when to step back and say, "This is never going to work and I am tearing myself to pieces in the process." 

Never give up your goals and dreams.  You should be determined and driven and turn over every stone. Fight for the things that matter and never stop. We need more people like that in the world. But there's one thing you need to know. A square peg was never meant to fit into a round hole. You have to break it or damage it to make it work; and even then, it will never be the perfect fit.

Go ahead and give it all you've got. Never give up. Just pay attention. You are the square peg and if you're tearing yourself to pieces in the process; perhaps it's time to walk away. Eventually you will find the perfect fit.

And this is my Daily Cyn..........