To Have A Friend, You Must Be A Friend

I was scrolling through friend's Face Book profile this morning. She's really not personal friend- meaning I've never actually met her.  We just correspond back and forth regularly because we have much in common.
 
I wanted to post an encouraging word on her Face Book profile because the over the past couple of months she's had some real struggles.  She recently lost her career, her dog became ill and died, and last month, she buried her husband of thirty years. His death was tragic.  He'd never been sick a day in his life. One morning, he didn't feel quite right. A few days later, he was dead. I can't even imagine!

How does one find the strength to keep going after all that?

I came upon a post another friend of hers had recently posted on her Face Book profile. This is a REAL friend--one who knows her personally, lives in the same town, and actually knows her phone number. I happen to know this friend personally, as well. Here is what that "friend" posted:

"Thinking of you during your difficult time, but I am beginning to doubt our friendship. It would be nice if you picked up the phone once in awhile and called me!"

Is it just me, or does anyone else see anything wrong with that?

.

If you're thinking of someone and know they are having a tough time, it is your responsibility as a human being to reach out to that person. You don't sit around waiting on them! Call, write, stop by the house, invite them out to dinner or drinks. If they are not up to company, drop off a basket of fruit or freshly baked muffins and then go home. If a long time has gone by and you haven't heard from her, that's a big sign right there that she needs a little moral support or a hand to hold. Don't make it personal. The last thing on her mind is reassuring you of her friendship. She's wondering how to make through the day without falling apart!

Some people wonder why they have no friends. To have a friend, you must be a friend.

Be a true friend. Pick up the phone. Show her how much you care. Go the extra mile-- especially when she's hurting. You might not have the right words to say, but a little effort goes a long way and means everything.

If you are not a friend, you will have no friends. You get what you give. Eventually, sorrow will come knocking at your door. When it does, you're gonna need a friend.......

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Not much I can add to that....

And this is my Daily Cyn........

How a Simple Soup Changed My Life!

Way back in 1999, I took a trip into New York City to check out a school. It was an Open House/Meet and Greet sort of thing. I really didn't want to go at all, but after several lengthy telephone conversations with the Admissions Coordinator of the school, I felt I owed it to her to at least show up.

I was filled with mixed emotions about all of it.

First of all, I couldn't believe I was actually entertaining the idea of handing over a large chunk of my savings to this school or considering a career in a field I knew absolutely nothing about. This was certainly the most ridiculous idea I'd ever had but yet a voice inside kept telling me this was something I needed. I just couldn't ignore it.

Secondly, the school was in the city! This meant if I decided to attend (which I probably wouldn't) I was going to have commute back and forth. ALONE! AT NIGHT!

Basically, I was going to visit the school to find everything wrong with it and hopefully silence that voice within forever.

Now I'd been to the city before, but never alone. It was always with a group and usually our purpose in being in such an awful, sinful place like New York City was to attend some kind of Christian function- like a Billy Graham Crusade or a Gospel Music show. I had no idea how to get around. I know now it's pretty much impossible to get lost in there because of the way it's all laid out ( it's basically one big grid with streets running one way, avenues the other--in numerical order). I knew nothing about train schedules or subways and it just so happened this was at the same time some wacko was walking around the streets of mid-town killing folks by hitting them over the head with a cinder block. It was all over the news and my family and friends were convinced that I would become his next victim.  And if I decided to really go this route and travel to the city regularly for school, I would be putting myself in harm's way too often and would end up being raped, murdered, drugged, mugged, beaten or kidnapped by some evil person lurking in the shadows.

The power of suggestion, folks. It really is a powerful thing. I was scared.....

Crazy, huh?

I was determined to do this anyway so I convinced a girl friend to take the trip in with me. I bribed her with the promise of dinner and drinks on me (even though I had no idea where to actually go for dinner and drinks) right after we checked out the school. So there we were, two Long Island girls in the big city, tightly clutching our handbags for fear someone would come along and steal them. As we walked, the sky opened up and it began to rain- a torrential downpour. In my handbag, I had a cell phone, a map of the city, train schedules, makeup, hairspray, gum, candy, mints, an extra pair of pantyhose, notebooks, pens, pencils. I also had a stun-gun (YEP!) and a spray container of government issue mace--just in case we came in contact with Cinder block Guy. The one thing I didn't have was an umbrella. Word to the wise: always toss an umbrella in your bag when traveling to the city!

When we finally did arrive at our destination (we were about 45 minutes late and the president of the school was already giving his spiel), we were completely soaked and chilled to the bone. We were warmly received despite being so tardy.  No one seemed to care that we both looked like drowned rats. A very pretty girl with a lovely smile handed us each a paper cup filled with a hot, thick, orange liquid and said, "Drink this. It will take away the chill and make you feel amazing!"

I was somewhat hesitant to drink it. After all, this was the city, I didn't know these people, and it could've been laced with drugs for all I knew. I had a fleeting vision of being dragged, stoned and stupid, into a dark alley behind the building. I quickly glanced around the room and noticed other people were drinking from the same cups and they all seemed fine. I fumbled through my over-flowing handbag for a tiny piece of paper in which to discard my big wad of sugar-free gum and then I took a sip. It was the most wonderful, warming, delicious soup I had ever tasted. It instantly heated me through and through and all my tension, fear, and doubt seemed to melt away with each sip of that glorious concotion.

If this was soup on drugs, give me more!

I turned to the girl who had given it to me. "Oh, my God, what is this?" I asked.

"It's carrot soup," she whispered. "I'll give you the recipe after."

My girlfriend was loving the soup, too. "This is the best stuff I've ever tasted," she said. "I think I could live off it."

I'd never heard of carrot soup and I detested cooked carrots. Growing up, my mother often made carrots for dinner but they were always from a can and they tasted awful. I never served them in my house. I would eat raw carrot sticks from time to time because I knew they were good for me but that's where I drew the line. It just never dawned on me that I could take a raw carrot, cook it or turn it into soup and actually like it!

Boy, have I come a long way!

Later on, I found the soup girl and asked for the recipe. I took out my note book and pen to write it all down and she laughed. "All you need are carrots and water," she said. "This is REAL food at it's best."

What? No chicken stock, no spices, no cream? No artificial flavors or colors? What kind of magical, mystical carrots did they use in this soup?

I made the soup myself the very next day and it was exactly the same. I also experienced all those warming, healing, peaceful feelings the moment I tasted it. I felt alive! There was something to all this and I needed to learn more about the healing power of REAL FOOD so I could share it with everyone!

I immediately hopped back on the train to the city, signed my name on the dotted line, and started attending classes the following fall.  It was the best decision I ever made and I've never looked back!

It's hard believe this was only a little over a decade ago. I was thirty-seven years old when I took that trip into the city and decided I wanted to study health, healing and nutrition. I was different person back then. I was socially inept, shy, uneducated, frightened, narrow-minded, depressed, and completely dependent on others to make most of my decisions for me. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or what I was capable of in life. All I knew is that I was looking for something different and wanted to find my purpose and my passion.

I don't even know who that is person is any longer. I marvel at the things I've accomplished since then. I've changed so much, I can't even begin to describe it. I am strong, independent, fearless. The road has not always been easy and I've hit a few speed bumps, steered off course for a couple of years, and made some mistakes along the way but I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I have a rewarding career I love, friends I adore, and a life that is rich and full. And here's something really funny-- I loved the city so much I accepted a job offer there. I am in NewYork so often now, I am referred to as the City Girl! And the ones who tried to fill me with fear? Some are completely out of my life. The others admire and respect me for being independent and determined.  How's that for a change?

A simple cup of carrot soup changed my life and launched my career. It is the foundation of my belief in the healing power of REAL FOOD. I live it, I teach it, I preach it. This is my purpose and my passion. This is where I am supposed to be............

As for that delicious carrot soup recipe,  Contact me and I will send it to you.......


Eat REAL FOOD to live a REAL LIFE. A life that is simple, uncomplicated, passionate, fearless, joyful, peaceful.


That's my recipe.......  


And this is my Daily Cyn.....

Is Your Food "Addiction" Making You Fat?

I am accustomed to dealing with skeptics in my line of work, but one particular client always stands out in my mind.  Donna was a pretty, hard working, middle-aged woman. She was about thirty pounds overweight. At our first appointment, she told me she already knew she was wasting her time. I would never be able to help her. She had tried every single diet on the planet over the past few years and never lost a pound.  She was angry, fed up and "destined to be fat for the rest of her life". She was gonna be a tough one. I took a deep, cleansing breath and inquired as to why she believed she was 'destined to be fat'.

 "I am a bread addict!" she confessed.

"Why do you think you are addicted to bread?"

"I can't stop eating it," she responded. "I must have bread at every meal. I can eat a whole loaf all by myself. My husband and I eat out alot and when that bread basket arrives to the table, I just keep eating and eating until it's all gone.  It's like I am possessed!"

"Have you always been so obsessed with bread?"

"No, that's the funny part," she said. " It's something that just sort of happened over the past two years and I've put so much weight! LOOK AT ME!"

I asked her to share what had been going on in her life over the past few years. Here is what she told me:

In the course of two years, she lost both of her parents.
Her husband lost his job.
They were forced to sell their home because they could no longer afford the mortgage.
They were currently renting an apartment with a very small kitchen and no dining room.
She was currently working two jobs while her husband continued to look for work.
Family dinners and gathering at her house came to a screeching halt after her parents passed away.
Her husband couldn't even boil water, so they ate the majority of their meals and even holiday dinners at restaurants because she was too tired, too stressed, and too depressed to cook.

She went on to say how important family dinners and gatherings always were to her. She recalled all the great meals they used to have together.  She loved getting up early on Sunday mornings to put on a big pot of tomato sauce for pasta.

"My dad went to the bakery every Sunday to pick up loaves of fresh Italian bread. We would gather in the kitchen and dip the bread into the sauce as it simmered. We put some in oven with butter and chopped garlic, " she said. "We would pile bread in a big basket and pass it around the table. Oh, that bread was so good. I have such memories of laughter and love."

Donna just didn't have the time and energy, the finances, or the extra space in her home to host those dinners any more. She missed her parents and now that they were both gone, nothing was the same. She was sad because everyone seemed to be going their separate ways and she felt like she was disconnected from everything and everyone.  The tough skeptic who sat across from me with arms folded across her chest, began to cry.

"Donna," I said. "I don't believe you're addicted to bread. You're addicted to the feeling that the bread gives you! Every time you see a basket filled with bread you eat too much of it because you are trying to fill a void in your life. You miss a family ritual that's obviously a very important part of who you are. Eating all the bread is a temporary fix to replace all those good feelings you had during  your family dinners!"

I knew this was going to go one of two ways. She would either write me off a total crack-pot or sit up and pay attention.

She sat up and paid attention so I went right on talking.

"Why don't you try to get the family together for dinner at your place? Have everyone bring something so the whole burden and expense doesn't rest on you. If you don't have the time to make homemade sauce, buy a few jars of the best tomato sauce you can find instead.  Nobody cares if  you cooked it yourself or not. What really matters is that you are all together eating Sunday pasta, passing the breadbasket around the table, remembering your parents and making some new memories!"

"That's it?" she asked when I indicated our session was over. "No diet plan or list of forbidden foods?"

"Eat what you want," I said. "Your only assignment is to have a family dinner within the next two weeks, call me when you have it all set, and then come back and tell me about it after."

A few days later, Donna called to tell me she had arranged a family dinner at her apartment that Sunday. But now she was in a bit of panic because she had no idea where to put everyone.

"You'll figure it out!" I told her.

Two weeks later, Donna returned to my office with a different attitude. She had Sunday dinner at her home since I'd seen her last. She moved some of her furniture out of the living room and set up a big folding table so everyone could sit and eat together. She really didn't want to use sauce from a jar, so she set time aside the day before to prepare it.  Not only that, but she also had the whole family over again on a Friday night for fried fish and green bean casserole, just like they used to do when her folks were still alive. Everyone had contributed something: salad, appetizers, fresh bread from the bakery, dessert.

"How are you doing with your bread addiction?" I asked.

"I still love my bread. I went out to my favorite restaurant right before our appointment tonight and had two big slices of bread with butter while waiting for the waitress to take my order." she said. "But I ordered a salad instead of an appetizer and I took one more piece of bread to eat with it.  When my dinner arrived, I told the waitress to take the bread basket away."

"That' s great!" I told her. "You've made some very positive changes in a very short time. Keep going and come back to see me in two weeks."

"You're not gonna yell at me about the bread I ate at dinner?" she asked. "What about the butter? Isn't butter bad for me?"

"Donna, you're a big girl. If you want to eat bread with butter, go ahead! Eat it and enjoy!"

She arrived to her next appointment proudly announcing that she had hosted two Sunday dinners, another Friday night fish-fry, and was certain she lost some weight but was afraid to actually step on a scale and possibly "jinx it".

 "I don't understand this," she said. "I'm not really doing anything different but yet my clothes are starting to feel loose! And my sister thinks she is losing weight, too!"

"And your bread addiction?" I asked.

"Well, the other day I ordered a huge salad for dinner at my favorite restaurant. It was loaded with lot of fresh veggies, sliced turkey breast, cubed cheese. It came with soup and two bread sticks. I ate the bread sticks." She paused for a moment. "I never touched the bread in the breadbasket! Oh. My.God! I didn't eat the bread!"

I smiled. "You didn't need the bread, Donna."

Donna continued on as my client for six months. In that time, she lost over thirty pounds. Sunday dinner at her house became a weekly ritual. One Friday night a month, she and her family gathered together for a fish-fry and a movie. She joined a gym for $20 a month. She still ate out at restaurants very often and occasionally enjoyed a piece of bread or two with butter. Sometimes, she didn't reach into the bread basket at all. I never told Donna that she couldn't or shouldn't eat bread. She simply didn''t need to have it any more.

I helped Donna with a lifestyle change. It never included a particular diet plan or list of forbidden foods. We simply identified her cravings and replaced them with food for the soul. In her case, she lost so much in a very short period of time: her parents, her home, her husband's income, the safety net of family and loved ones at all those big dinners. Once she realized she was relying on bread to provide of those loving, secure feelings and replaced the bread with what she really needed,  she was "cured" of her addiction. End result: weight loss!



Are family dinners the answer to your weight issues? I don't know. Maybe. You could be packing on the pounds for different reasons. Stress. Boredom.  Menopause. The typical American Diet!

If you are frustrated, depressed and tired of the diet roller coaster ride, contact me and let's chat.


 One chat could change your life.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

Lose Weight to Reduce or Eliminate Aches, Pains and Fatigue!

"My back hurts!"
My knees ache!"
My feet are killing me!"
I'm so tired!"

Many people I know suffer from one or all of these aches and pain.  They're tired all the time. They pop Advil or pain pills to mask the pain. They suck down energy drinks or several cups of coffee to keep going.

Does this sound like you?



.
Did you know the majority of your aches,  pains and fatigue can be greatly reduced or even eliminated?**

Want to know how?

LOSE WEIGHT!!!

That's right! Excess weight causes stress, pain and fatigue in your body. Don't believe me?

Take this test:

Find an item that weighs about ten pounds. Carry it with you all day long. Take it everywhere: to school, work, to the grocery store.  Don't put it down, not even for a minute. How do you feel at the end of the day?  I am pretty sure you're tired and your body aches. If you feel this way after just one day, imagine how your body feels carrying an extra ten pounds all the time? What if you're carrying an additional twenty, thirty, or even forty pounds of excess weight?

Do you think your aches, pains, fatigue and other complaints are because of excess weight**?

Could be...........

So what can you do?

First you need to determine whether or not you actually are overweight. If your pants don't fit or you're more comfortable in the larger size, you've probably gained a few pounds. The best tip I can give you is, no matter how tempting to go out and buy the larger size, DON'T! Cut back on what you're eating immediately. If you fail to address your weight gain from the very beginning, it will be that much easier to keep moving up a size for "comfort's sake" and before you know it, you'll be buying all your clothes from the Large Lady section or The Big and Tall Man department. And you'll have no idea how it ever got so out of hand!

What if you are way beyond that point? You've gone up two or three sizes in the past couple of years. Yep, you're overweight and you know it!

What now?

I am not a big fan of Weight Charts. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to fit into a category dictated by National Standards and sometimes that's just not possible. Some folks just look and feel better with a little more or a little less weight. You might be ten pounds overweight (according to the standard weight charts) but still look great and feel great with no complaints in the aches, pains or fatigue department.  It's not about numbers, it's about how you feel! For the rest of you, I suggest you get an idea what you should weigh and how much excess weight you are carrying.

Here's a chart to determine this. Remember, this is only a guide but your ideal weight should fall somewhere in line with this chart (give or take a few pounds) based on your height and your build (small, medium, or large frame).

Weight/Height Chart

Once you have an idea of what you should weigh, step on a scale. How far off are you? Twenty pounds? Thirty? Forty? More? Whatever it is, you need to lose it. Forget crash diets, pills and potions. They never work, at least not long-term. You want to take off the pounds and keep them off- FOREVER!

The best way permanently take off weight is to eat a diet rich in lean protein, whole grains, and lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Eliminate most sugary treats and fatty snacks and stop eating at fast food restaurants. Avoid packaged, processed foods. I promise, the weight will come off. You will not drop ten pounds in a week but losing a pound or two in seven days is reasonable and healthy.

Here's a rule when it comes to weight loss:

OUTPUT MUST BE GREATER THAN INPUT!

This means, your level of activity must be more than what you are eating. That's right--exercise! You MUST MOVE YOUR BODY!

I never promote or suggest calorie counting, but if you want to lose weight, you must reduce the amount of food you eat.  You shouldn't have to carry a pocket calorie counter for the rest of your life to remain a healthy size. That's just crazy. You are much smarter than you realize when it comes how much you should or shouldn't be eating.  An Egg McMuffin and a hot chocolate with whipped cream for breakfast, a bacon double cheese burger, fries and milk shake at lunch, and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy at dinner is too much food! You will never lose weight eating that way. However, it's a good idea to determine how many calories you actually need to function and the number of calories you will need to reduce daily if you want to lose those extra pounds. Here's a formula:

How Many Calories Do I Need a Day?

For example, my body requires 1500 calories a day. If I want to lose a pound or two a week, I need to reduce that number daily by 500 calories. That's really not difficult, especially if my daily diet is wholesome, healthy and I am mindful of what I am eating and drinking. I don't have to count calories. I just need to cut back on a few things: the cheese on my eggs at breakfast, the bottle of soda with my lunch, the second glass of wine with dinner, that extra slice of garlic bread, cookies with my evening tea...... That's about 500 calories right there!
See how easy it is?

Losing weight really isn't all that difficult! It's not rocket science, folks.

When you get rid of that excess weight not only will you look better-- your aches, pains and fatigue might just disappear!

Do you need a little help or a push in the right direction?  Let's schedule an appointment to chat about your lifestyle and your goals. Together we will come up with a personal plan that works for YOU!  I am at your service.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

**Disclaimer: This is NOT medical advice. I am not a physician nor do I claim to have the cure for pain. Sports injuries, accidents, carrying children, standing all day at work, lifting heavy items on the job, years of squeezing your feet into cheap, ill-fitting shoes--these can all cause great pain. Stress or depression can
make you feel tired all the time. These are legitimate reasons for aches, pains and fatigue.  If you are under a doctor's care for any of these complaints or ailments,  please do not discontinue your prescribed method of treatment.

Setting Boundaries, Saying No, and Dealing with the Drama

Do you have trouble saying no or being upfront and honest for fear of hurting or insulting others?  Sometimes, I do. I am usually a friendly, sensitive, caring person, which is good, but sometimes it's bad. Why is it bad? There are times I put the feelings, opinions, and values of others before my own. I don''t want to ever hurt any body or give them a reason to think I am selfish.  It might be easier to keep silent about it and avoid making waves or hurting others, but it only adds to the stress and drama of my life.

The reason I am bringing this up  is because I feel really awful about something that occurred this past weekend.  I blasted two people with my big mouth and now neither of them wants to speak to me ever again. I didn't mean to lash out in such a harsh way, but I did. Blame it on stress, blame on lack of sleep, blame it on concern for a couple of my loved ones, but these two individuals frustrated me until I finally reached my breaking point and exploded.  Couple all this with the fact my dad was rushed to the hospital with chest pain on Saturday right smack in the middle of everything else he's going through. I was on edge, to say the least.  It didn't take much to push me right off the cliff.

The sad part is, this all could have been avoided had I not put their feelings ahead of mine.  My resentment and anger toward them had been brewing for a long, long time. I should have nipped it all in the bud from the very beginning. This means, the first time I realized I was irritated by them or their actions, it was my responsibility to lovingly, but firmly, say something. Because they were adding more stress and drama to my life, I needed them to give me time and space for a little while. In the end, I did get what I wanted, but not quite the way I wanted.

You have to let others know how you feel and what you need.  If there are people adding to the stress in your life rather than helping to alleviate it, you owe it to yourself (and them) to let them know. It's perfectly acceptable to tell your ex-boyfriend to lose your phone number or to stop texting you all hours of the night.  Deleting someone from your Facebook friends' list who keeps sending insulting messages because you're not on-line as often as you used to be does not mean you are heartless or selfish.  You are not a poor excuse for a friend if you decline an invitation for dinner or drinks.  It's okay to let someone know you're just not in the mood for another long, drawn-out conversation about love and relationships. And, just because someone asks for your phone number doesn't mean you have to give it. I gave my number recently to some guy whom I had absolutely no interest in and now he won't stop calling me! What was I thinking? I didn't want to hurt his feelings and say no when he asked. That's crazy! So what if he walked away thinking I am a bitch? I know I'm not a bitch. That's all that really matters. Saying no once in awhile or being totally honest about what you want (or don't want) doesn't make you a bad person.

In fact, people will like and respect you a whole lot more when you're upfront, honest and do choose to say no now and then.

If you don't say no or set some boundaries with people they will misunderstand your intentions and build false hopes concerning you, think it's okay to stalk you on Social Networking sites, suck up all your time, or harass you with constant phone calls and nasty text messages on the first free night you've had in months to go out with your girlfriends. Allowing stuff like this to continue causes resentment and anger to build inside. Mix it all together with extreme stress and when you least expect it, all hell breaks loose. That's what happened to me this past weekend. If you allow it to get that point, the damage will be so bad that you might not be able to repair it.

Speak your mind. Set boundaries, be honest.  Don't say yes to every request or invitation because you feel obligated or you're afraid if you say no, someone is going to be angry or hurt.  They'll get over it. Listen to what your body, mind and spirit are telling you. If you're stressed and agitated, identify the source and eliminate it. Walk away if you have to, even if it's only for a short season. If people do not understand or become insulted because you are taking care of YOU, it's their problem, not yours. Move on.

I am under tremendous stress and my life is crazy now but it's no excuse for the way I acted this weekend. I am ashamed of myself for hurting two people I care about, but I really have no one to blame but myself.  Yes, they are both insensitive and selfish but I allowed my hostility to fester and spread until I had enough and completely annihilated them. This is never a good thing. NEVER!  I might be a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach, but I am not perfect. I am sharing my experience with the hope that it will keep you from making the same mistakes.

This all reminds me of an article I wrote over a year ago. It was all about saying no.  Evidently, I am not heeding my own advice lately, so I needed to read it again. Here it is, should you wish to read it, as well.

Just Say No!

And this is my Daily Cyn............

The Best Things in Life

The best things in life aren’t things. --Art Buchwald

And this is my Daily Cyn..............