Sunday, August 22, 2010

Stop Being Stupid......

Being in a relationship is the most wonderful yet toughest, most difficult thing at times.  A relationship is two different people with different ideas, opinions, likes and dislikes, attitudes and dispositions trying to function together as one......

My guy and I have spent the last several weeks arguing, accusing, hurting, and sending angry text messages back and forth in the wee hours of the morning.  It got to the point where I refused to see him even though he begged me constantly to come over or meet him somewhere so we can just talk. I stopped answering his calls.  I wouldn't talk to him. I wasn't able to exist in the same room with him for more than five minutes without yelling at him or crying.  It was awful.  I couldn't even tell him I loved him (even though I do, desperately).  This man who aggravates the life out of me most of the time, is my best friend and soul mate and I really don't want to be with out him.  But I wasn't about to tell him that....I can be so stubborn sometimes!

As much of pain-in-the-neck as he is sometimes, he knows me well and knows how stubborn I can be.  He knows I love him and I know he loves me.......we just let the cares of the world get in the way and the things that we don't like about each other become mountains when they are really just little mole-hills.  He is as stubborn as I am (we are both Aries- a dangerous combination) but he has a little more experience with relationships than I do.  I haven't had a real relationship with a guy since I walked out on my abusive husband 10 years ago. Do I have some baggage? Yes, I do....... I am trying to leave it all behind, but that can be tough sometimes. Unfortunately, my guy sometimes has to pay for the pain my ex inflicted on me so many years ago.  It's a process to love and trust someone with your heart after it's been smashed to pieces.  I worked so hard over the past several years putting it back together again. What I didn't realize, however, is that when I put it back together again, I also encased it in a tough unbreakable shell that is difficult to penetrate.  I didn't know this until I tried to actually love again. 

My guy and I are so different.  I am a book worm, spend countless hours educating myself on the internet, and express myself best in writing.  He works with his hands, hates computers and can watch sports on TV all day and night, and as a full-blooded Italian, expresses himself best by talking....LOUDLY! I have college degrees and certificates in frames on my office walls, he earned his degrees from the School of Hard Knocks.  This man refused to take no for answer, came and found me this morning and simply said, "Don't you think it's time we just stop being stupid?"

That's all it took....I held him in my arms for the first time in a few weeks and we had a lovely day.  We went to church, we went out to lunch, and then he went home.  We are both exhausted.....exhausted from yelling and fighting and trying so hard to stay angry at each other. Now we need to rest, and will be able to do so for the first time in such a long time. 

"Stop being stupid!"  The greatest words of wisdom I have ever heard.  Words of healing and love from a tough guy from Brookyn with tired, rough, calloused hands. 

Some times the answers are really so simple.  We just need to stop being stupid and stubborn and wasting precious time that we know we would rather be spending loving, playing and enjoying the company of the ones who are close to us.

And this is my Daily Cyn.........

1 comment: