Sunday, March 13, 2011
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself." - Harvey S. Firestone
There are some people who live an entire life-time and never know who they really are or what they really want. On their death bed, they realize they lived for everyone else or according to someone else's expectations and definitions and never did one thing for themselves. At that moment, they might plead for more time--just a few more years to do things differently. Sadly, at that point.... it's too late. Life is a gift. There are no second chances. Death is final and sad but the greatest tragedy of all is a life that has been wasted.
I know what it's like to waste life and be a victim of demands that were that were dictated to me by others. I was exactly who everyone told me I should be. I had no voice. I simply regurgitated what was told to me by others. I had no vision, no real concept of truth or love, no understanding of who God was to me personally, and absolutely no idea how to truly express myself. I denied my own goals, hopes, dreams and opinions because I feared rejection. If you are weak and have no idea who you are and what you want and lack the confidence and strength to fight for what you want, it shows. This is how we become victims. Someone else more powerful will come along and run your life for you. And, believe me, they will run it into the ground, take everything from you, and then move on to the next victim.
For years I allowed others to dictate my life to me. I was a prisoner- held captive by people who thought they knew best and by my own fears and feelings of inadequacy. I was easy prey because I never fought for myself. I lied to myself and told myself I was content. Word of advice--you cannot continue to do this for very long. The lies we tell ourselves will begin to manifest as the body, mind and spirit cries out for freedom of expression! I became sick, depressed and racked with pain from fibromyalgia. I had every female reproductive problem in the book- ovarian cysts, endometriosis, fibroid tumors, infertility, a flipped uterus, a miscarriage. I suffered from panic attacks regularly over which I had no control. At least three or four times a year I was rushed to the hospital with intense chest pain or dangerously high blood pressure. The doctors could find no reason for the chest pain. I wasn't having a heart attack. My blood pressure would spike for no reason and then return to normal. There was nothing physically wrong with me! Oh but there was! I was dying...from the inside out. The light within was slowly burning out. I had no hope. I asked God to let me die. Instead, He led me on a path of self discovery. I sought out truth for myself. I dared to question things. I read and researched and studied. I tried things that were forbidden, foreign and frightening. I faced the fear and did it anyway. I endured rejection and abandonment and walked a lonely path for a long time. It wasn't easy and it took years, but eventually I took my life back. I changed everything- the way I ate, the way I looked, how I thought, the ways I loved and didn't love, how and where I worked, the ways I worshipped, and what I believed. As a result, I experienced an inner healing and all those ailments from which I suffered miraculously disappeared.
Am I there yet? Not quite. I am a work in progress. We all are. I am different now, however. Don't you dare tell me I can't do something. I will show you how it's done! I have opinions, ideas and thoughts that matter and I express them. They are much different than those of the people I love. I don't care what others think. They might be disappointed but at least I think for myself now. I resist anyone who tries to exercise control over me. I fight back. I have to. My life is too valuable to let someone else run it for me. I refuse to accept any one's definition of who or what I should be. I am responsible for my own failures, mistakes, success and accomplishments. I cannot bear the thought of breathing my last breath with regret or no sense of who I am. When I stand face to face with God, I cannot blame others for not using every single gift and precious moment He gave me. That's no excuse. EVER!
Why am I telling you this? I never want anyone to experience what I did. I want everyone to live an extraordinary life- a life you enjoy- filled with love, fulfilled hopes, dreams and goals. Take a look at your own life. Are you sick, racked with pain, angry, depressed, hopeless? Your body, soul and spirit might be crying out for something more. Pay attention! Take your life back but please don't misunderstand me. There are certain absolutes. As you search for yourself, never reject your responsibilities or the people who truly love and care for you. If you are not sure who truly loves and cares for you--you will find out when you begin to change. Those who love you will remain close and encourage you. Those who don't will fight you and do everything in their power to discourage you and hold you back. They might even become forceful and abusive**. Remain strong and eventually they will leave. That's OK....you don't need them. Make this your mantra as you go through life:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!"
And this is my Daily Cyn..........
** Never remain in a relationship with anyone who is mentally, emotionally, or physically abusive. If this is the case, pack your bags and leave immediately. If you need help in recognizing the signs of abuse or assistance of any kind, please visit this website: Domestic Abuse Help Guide and Hot-line