Monday, April 18, 2011

What Do We Do With Our Shattered Dreams?

Last summer, I decided to take a huge step of faith and move my consulting practice from the comfort of my little living room to a more professional location.  Searching for affordable office space here in New York is next to impossible so when I finally found a beautiful, quaint, budget-friendly little room for rent at a local Wellness Center, I believed it was a god-send. I felt at home as soon as I walked--what a peaceful haven.  It was exactly the type of atmosphere what I was looking for.  The landlord was a doll and the other professionals there were lovely, friendly and accomodating.  I just knew it was the perfect home for me and my business.  My office was a small but sunny room with enough space for a desk, some comfy chairs and a bookshelf or two. The large meeting room, complete with fireplace and a kitchenette, was at my disposal as well. What fun I would have hosting seminars for large groups of people.  I whipped out my checkbook and wrote a check for six months rent in advance. Filled with hope, anticipation, and visions of grandeur.  I reduced my work-week at my regular J.O.B. to 3 days.  This way I could to throw myself into my personal business and watch it grow in leaps and bounds.

This was before I knew about the big boulder that was about to land right in the middle of my road to success. Actually, it was more like an avalanche of  falling rocks. Each time I navigated around one hurdle, another one came crashing down.  They just kept getting bigger and bigger and falling harder and harder.

I had no idea that I would face some personal complications and obstructions that would make it difficult to dedicate my time to growing a business. How I could possibly know my dad, who has never been sick a day in hs life, would be diagnosed with colorectal cancer?  I didn't anticipate my own personal financial issues or transportations problems.  I didn't know I would be required to invest my time, money, and energy in something completely unrelated to making my own dreams come true.  I was totally unaware that my beloved child would go through his own personal hell and would need my support and assistance. I had no clue that I would have to spend the majority of my time close to home where I was needed.  I tried as hard as I could to hold it all together, to spread myself thin, but it became next to impossible. I had to give up something so I eliminated the obvious choice. How much longer could I continue to pump my hard earned money into an office I didn't have the time to actually occupy? It made no sense.

My lease expired in March. I agonized over what to do.  My landlord was kind enough to let me take some time to make a decision. I told her what was going on in my life and thankfullly, she is a kind and understanding soul.  I spent sleepless nights tossing and turning. I was frustrated, disappointed, and angry. Eventually,  I decided to let the office go.  Then I threw myself a nice, big pity party.

I cried. I cursed. I stomped my feet. I felt like a failure. I was ashamed to admit to anyone that I had to give up that beautiful office.  I am forty-nine years old.  All my plans to put my name on the map by the time I am fifty came crashing down in pieces around me.  My dream was shattered.

After two weeks of wallowing in the mud of self-pity and disappointment, I got sick of the sound of my own voice. This is not who I am.  I am not a whiner and a complainer.  I am strong and driven.  I have overcome such adversity, pain and obstacles in my life.  Everything I have, I have worked very hard for and when some one told me it couldn't be done, I would prove them wrong! I have always had faith, hope, and the belief in something greater and strong working overtime on my behalf.  I am not about to give up now!

I called my son and asked him to come and help me paint.  I have a spare room that will make a lovely office.  It's warm and cozy and it's free!  I went shopping and bought some new throw rugs and a few odds and ends.  I ordered a couch, a desk and some bookshelves.  I can do this, at home. , I can still work a full time job, take care of my other obligations, be at my parents' disposal as needed, and it won't cost me a dime.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am called to this profession.  I am a good consultant and my heart is to help others who struggle with weight, eating disorders, and health issues.  I want to live an extraordinary life and I want to see other people do the same.  I have the keys.  I have the training.  I have the God-given drive and desire.

Sometimes we experience road blocks.  Things don't turn out quite the way we plan. Does that mean we give up? NO! It just means we have to find another way to make it happen. If it's something you truly want, you will find a way.  Put it out there and the universe will work overtime on your behalf.  A shattered dream can always be put back together.  It might not look exactly the way you want it, but with  the glue of passion, determination, faith and hope, it will hold, temporarily or indefinitely. Treat it carefully until the next opportunity presents itself. They always come, eventually. You just have to keep believing in your dream.

How badly do you want it? Can you taste it, see it, smell it, touch it? Go for it!  Your dreams are never over until you roll over and declare them so.  I am not about to do that.  How about you?

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

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