Thursday, October 6, 2011
It's Not My Job To Make You Feel Important!
May I vent for a few minutes? I promise, I will end on a positive note!
The other day, I received an email from a "friend". It read something like this: You haven't been on Facebook in awhile. I guess I am not important........
The email concluded with an announcement that he will not contact me again but I know where to find him should I need him!
After I got over my initial shock, I fired back: Are you kidding me?
His frustration would be completely justified if he had been repeatedly calling, texting, or sending emails to which he never recieved a reply or response. That's not the case at all. He's upset with me because lately I haven't been logging on to FACEBOOK at the same time he is on. He is taking it as a personal rejection. Just because I am not available or accessible according to his schedule, he no longer thinks he's important. And he is trying to make me feel guilty about it. I really don't need that kind of pressure!
This particular person knows some details about my life. He knows how my world has been turned upside down and some of my fears and concerns about the people I love. I shared this with him because he recently went through a similar experience. You'd think he would be a little understanding. How sad that he measures his own importance by how accessible I am to him via a Social Networking site.
Gee.....I'm sorry I haven't been on-line at the crack of dawn for our usual hour long FACEBOOK chats these past few mornings, but I've been kind of busy! Instead of sitting my ass down in front of my computer every morning leisurely sipping coffee and chatting with you so YOU feel important, I am up at 4AM these days actually taking care of important people!
I am a little hurt. Can you tell? Maybe I should have been more thoughtful and sent an e-mail alerting him that I might not be on-line as often over the next few days. Let him know not to expect a steady flow of the cute and funny comments I usually post on FACEBOOK. I guess if I considered him important, that's exactly what I would do. Sorry, but I didn't plan this and I am bit preoccupied. I am caring for my family and spending precious moments with someone I am not so sure will be here tomorrow!
What's really suprising is he's not the only one offended or angry with me because I don't have time or the frame of mind lately to listen to the drama, the gossip or to participate in all the fun and games. There are actually a few so-called friends who have recently written me off because I am not responding to their text messages quickly enough! Can you believe that? I am heart-broken. I guess it's my fault. I've spent my entire life entertaining people, making them feel good. Trying to make them feel important. Right now, I just don't have the strength or the energy to do everything and as a result, people are dropping out of my life like flies.
Perhaps I am bit childish and unrealistic when it comes to love and friendship. I think love and friendship means caring for others and not jumping to wild and crazy conclusions. It's about giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. When the person you claim to love suddenly becomes distant or quiet or starts declining invitations to parties and gatherings, maybe, just maybe something is wrong. Perhaps they're busy or hurting or overwhelmed. And....when you know things are not so perfect in their life, you cut them some slack or try to lighten their heavy load for a little while. This is when you invite them to dinner, buy them a drink or just stop by and spend time with them. Most importantly, you understand it's not about YOU but you know something is going on and you care enough to find out. You don't start spreading rumors and gossip or make them feel bad about not being able to make YOU feel good about YOU!
I am thankful for the handful of friends who truly love and understand me. Friends who notice I've been MIA these days and have called or stopped by the house to make sure I am okay or to see if there is anything I need or want. Friends who call me up at 10:30 on a friday night and say, "Be ready in ten minutes! We're going out dancing!" Friends who have not written me off because I am no longer as available as I used to be. Friends who don't need me to make them feel important. They already know what they mean to me. I know what I mean to them.
It's not my job to make other people feel important. It's not your job either. No matter how hard we try, we will fail every time. We will wear ourselves out trying to prove something they will never believe. Don't let anyone put that responsiblity on you or blame you if they don't feel it. And never, ever demand it from someone else! No one can make you feel important . You have to feel it and believe it yourself.
It is my job to love. It's OUR job to love. Love takes care of everything. Love gives strength, power, the ability to dream big dreams, and the belief that anything is possible. Sometimes love means sacrifice.
Love yourself enough to let go of the ones who put unrealistic conditions and demands on you or are only 'in it' for what you can give or how you make them feel. Sometimes you won't know this about others until the proverbial sh*t hits the fan and you just can't give anymore. They will make you feel bad, sad and guilty. People who truly love you will feel bad, sad and guilty that they can't do enough for you!
I hope you are surrounded by love.
And this is my Daily Cyn.......