Monday, October 17, 2011
Setting Boundaries, Saying No, and Dealing with the Drama
The reason I am bringing this up is because I feel really awful about something that occurred this past weekend. I blasted two people with my big mouth and now neither of them wants to speak to me ever again. I didn't mean to lash out in such a harsh way, but I did. Blame it on stress, blame on lack of sleep, blame it on concern for a couple of my loved ones, but these two individuals frustrated me until I finally reached my breaking point and exploded. Couple all this with the fact my dad was rushed to the hospital with chest pain on Saturday right smack in the middle of everything else he's going through. I was on edge, to say the least. It didn't take much to push me right off the cliff.
The sad part is, this all could have been avoided had I not put their feelings ahead of mine. My resentment and anger toward them had been brewing for a long, long time. I should have nipped it all in the bud from the very beginning. This means, the first time I realized I was irritated by them or their actions, it was my responsibility to lovingly, but firmly, say something. Because they were adding more stress and drama to my life, I needed them to give me time and space for a little while. In the end, I did get what I wanted, but not quite the way I wanted.
If you don't say no or set some boundaries with people they will misunderstand your intentions and build false hopes concerning you, think it's okay to stalk you on Social Networking sites, suck up all your time, or harass you with constant phone calls and nasty text messages on the first free night you've had in months to go out with your girlfriends. Allowing stuff like this to continue causes resentment and anger to build inside. Mix it all together with extreme stress and when you least expect it, all hell breaks loose. That's what happened to me this past weekend. If you allow it to get that point, the damage will be so bad that you might not be able to repair it.
Speak your mind. Set boundaries, be honest. Don't say yes to every request or invitation because you feel obligated or you're afraid if you say no, someone is going to be angry or hurt. They'll get over it. Listen to what your body, mind and spirit are telling you. If you're stressed and agitated, identify the source and eliminate it. Walk away if you have to, even if it's only for a short season. If people do not understand or become insulted because you are taking care of YOU, it's their problem, not yours. Move on.
I am under tremendous stress and my life is crazy now but it's no excuse for the way I acted this weekend. I am ashamed of myself for hurting two people I care about, but I really have no one to blame but myself. Yes, they are both insensitive and selfish but I allowed my hostility to fester and spread until I had enough and completely annihilated them. This is never a good thing. NEVER! I might be a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach, but I am not perfect. I am sharing my experience with the hope that it will keep you from making the same mistakes.
This all reminds me of an article I wrote over a year ago. It was all about saying no. Evidently, I am not heeding my own advice lately, so I needed to read it again. Here it is, should you wish to read it, as well.