Wednesday, June 22, 2011

How To Get the Love You Deserve

Never allow anyone to love you less than you love yourself.........

If I had heard this phrase twenty-five years ago, I could have avoided a whole lot of pain and heartache. But then again, maybe not. Back then, I didn't really know or love myself at all. In fact, I though it was wrong and sinful to love myself. I believed I was worthless and insignificant. Blame it on the way I interpreted some twisted, spiritual teachings. God loved me, but it was wrong to love myself because I was really nothing more than a useless wretch. How dare I ever exalt myself , believe I deserve anything good in life, or think I have rights of any kind?

That's totally f*cked up thinking, isn't it? It took YEARS to shed all that crap because I was so damaged.

The trouble with that kind of thinking is we attract the wrong kinds of people and the wrong kind of love.  Sometimes, we become victims- stuck in unhealthy relationships. We find ourselves at the mercy of harmful, vindictive, abusive lovers and friends**. When the veil was finally removed from my eyes, I realized how very wrong I was. All my life I blamed other people for my pain, misery, heartache, and lack of love. It wasn't really their fault. I had given them permission because I had no love for myself.

I needed to replace those deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and self-loathing with genuine love and respect. This inspired my own personal search for God. I could not accept the way He was presented to me as a child. I needed to find Him for myself. I knew I would never have love or peace until I did this.

Over the years, through therapy, inner healing, and finding God in a personal way (not man's interpretation of God), I have learned to love myself and treat myself kindly. Sometimes, I forget. There are times I fall short. I make mistakes and then those old self-depreciating attitudes rise to the surface. The big difference is, I notice it right away now. When I allow myself to be mistreated or loved less than I want or need to be, I ask God to show me what still needs to be healed.

And then I begin to work on those things............

This is my own personal journey. My situation is probably much different than yours. But this one thing is exactly the same:

We always get the kind of love we believe we deserve!

We show others how to love us by the way we love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves or believe we deserve love, we will never have the healthy kind of love we long for.

It's okay to love yourself. In fact, I encourage you to fall in love with yourself. Forget about everyone else- be a little selfish. Break those relationships that are harmful or simply are not working for you anymore. Spend time alone. Sometimes the fear of being lonely keeps us in situations that are so unhealthy. If you love yourself, you will not mind being alone for awhile.

Don't know where or how to start? Here are a few ideas:

1. Write a list.
List all your good qualities-the wonderful things about yourself -positive personality traits, deeds you have done and things you have accomplished. Focus on these. Put the list someplace where you can see it every day. Don't write down anything bad. Only the good stuff!

2.  Do what you want.
All the things you want to do or love to do but don't- DO THEM. Forget about making a Bucket-List! You need a NOW-List. Remember the movie Last Holiday with Queen Latifah? She had a book of dreams filled with all the things she wanted to do, places she wanted to visit, and pictures of the life she wanted to have. It was only when she believed she had a few weeks to live that she began to make her dreams come true. She fell in love with herself and with life. She realized she was not the quiet, insignificant, incapable woman she thought she was. She was wonderful, magnetic, capable and lovable! And everyone fell in love with her!

When you love someone, you want to spoil them! SPOIL YOURSELF! 

As you begin to love yourself more, you will become less tolerant of those who do not treat you lovingly, respectfully and graciously. You will find it easier to walk away from people who mistreat you. You will attract healthy, well-adjusted friends and lovers. You will begin to live the life you have always dreamed of.


Because you refuse to settle for anything less.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

** I am sensitive to the fact that some people come from abusive backgrounds. Perhaps you are a victim of child abuse, neglect or violence. You might exist in a situation like this now. Abuse is NOT love and no one ever asks for or deserves that type of treatment. This kind of suffering is certainly damaging to your sense of worth and self-esteem and it is NEVER your fault! If this is the case, I hope you seek or are currently receiving professional help so you can break the cycle.and begin to heal.

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