Thursday, June 23, 2011

Meaningful Conversation

"Can we actually practice compassion without trust?"

This was the subject of my six o'clock coffee chat with my Facebook friend this morning.  We debated this for quite some time and finally decided that neither of us had consumed enough caffeine to discuss such topics so early in the morning.

I am not going to write about compassion with or without trust in this blog but I will be thinking about it all day. My friend and I will address the subject again, at a later time. And I will probably end up writing about it eventually. It felt so good to just talk about things that matter for a change. It makes me think. It changes me. It heals me.

Okay, it was a chat on Facebook but it was meaningful nonetheless. My friend lives in Maine. I am in NY. Face to face conversations are not possible right now. It has been a very long time since I have had a meaningful conversation with someone I care about.

I don't want to talk about the weather, sports, TV shows or what's for dinner. I want to be inspired. I want to share my heart and soul and have someone share theirs with me.  I don't want to be ridiculed or told I am silly because I think or feel a certain way. How can matters of the heart ever be silly? And I don't want to be turned off. I want someone's undivided attention once in awhile.

I told my friend this morning that the desire of my heart is to find a partner with whom I can actually share these things. I want to talk. I want to listen. I want meaningful conversation. And I need to know that nothing is more important than what we want or need to say.

I just ended a relationship. It was my first relationship in ten years. Actually, it fizzled out. We stopped communicating. And neither one of us are willing to fight to keep the relationship going. What for? It's not what I want or need at this point in my life. But there is love involved and hearts are broken... but not broken enough. That's the hard part.

When we first met, we talked about everything. He had a temporary space in the basement of his sister's home. They had no television. Wrapped around each other on his little army cot, we would stay awake for hours making love and sharing intimate details of our lives. When I wasn't with him, we chatted on the phone almost every night until the sun came up. We didn't require much sleep. Love provided the energy we needed to get through our busy days. I thought I had finally met my match. I had a kind, sensitive, loving man who wanted to talk to me. Someone who found me irresistible, charming, interesting and funny. I thought I was so lucky and felt sorry for those who didn't have what we had.

Then he moved into an apartment. With cable. That was the end of everything. All our conversations came to a screeching halt. He replaced the little cot with a queen size bed and stayed close to the edge, far away from me with his back turned and his eyes glued to the television. He wouldn't even put his arms around me. I was slapped in the face with a big dose of reality.  The only reason he had talked, listened or touched me was because there was nothing else to do.

I found myself constantly longing for that tiny cot in the damp, dark basement where his eyes, ears, hands and heart were mine. That's where I was safe. That's where I felt loved. There was nothing more important than the matters of our hearts. I don't want  or need it all the time. That would get old quickly.  I just want someone who is willing to turn everything off and stay with me in that place once or twice a week.

No matter how hard I begged, pleaded and cried, my guy was not willing to do this. It's his problem. Not mine. So, after I take some time to heal, I will continue my search for the right one......

I ended my morning Facebook chat with this thought: We have lost the art of meaningful conversation. We are constantly plugged in to something: television, Internet, iPods, and cell phones.. I miss the days of sitting on the train and actually talking to the person beside me or chatting with others while waiting on line at the deli. Instead, all eyes and ears glued to tiny little telephones. Or the joyful noise of the world around us is replaced with music streaming through headphones. At home, dinners are eaten in front of television with little or no personal interaction. Laptops and cell phones are taken to bed and end of day conversations are almost non-existent. Passionate nights of lovemaking by candlelight are replaced with the glare of the television and unsucessful attempts to satisfy both partners quickly-- before the news come on.

I am guilty of this. You are guilty of this. And what it communicates to the person sitting, standing, or lying beside you is this:

You are not interesting to me, therefore, I am tuning you out! 

This is not what I wish to communicate to anyone. EVER. This is not the kind of life I want. Do you? Is a repeat episode of Deadliest Catch really more important than what the person next to you has to say?

I challenge you to turn everything off and have a meaningful conversation. Talk. Don't forget to listen. Chat with the neighbors, the mother at the park, with your children and especially with your mate. If you feel as if you are drifting apart, turning off the television, ignoring the phone, and waiting a day to respond to all your emails and actually talking could change everything.

If you have nothing interesting to discuss, read books, papers and magazines that inspire you. And then find someone to share your thoughts with. Or, just sit and listen to the other person. You might learn something.

A little meaningful conversation........
It goes a long way.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

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