Sunday, July 31, 2011
Accepting Faults-- to a Fault
When you truly love someone, you don't look for faults. You don't look for answers. You don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes. You accept the faults and you overlook excuses. -Unknown
Nice quote, huh?
I am the type who always tries to see the good. I will believe the very best about people. I might see their faults and mistakes but I don't go looking for them. If I see them, I accept them. We all have our own issues. I am well aware of my own, therefore I am considerate and accepting of yours. Sometimes, to a fault!
I find it very difficult to give up on people; to consider them hopeless or beyond redemption. Sometimes, I fight harder for the person than they are actually willing to fight for themselves. That's where it all gets tricky.
We are accepting and understanding in the name of love, but it can back-fire. Some people do not believe they are deserving of your grace, love or your ability to accept their faults and mistakes. Slowly but surely they punish you for being so understanding. They see qualities in you they want but rather than do the work to try and heal, it becomes their mission to prove 'you are not all that'. They take off the gloves, hit you, and want you to hit back. And when you finally do, they stand over you, pointing out your faults and mistakes. You are stunned, shaken, confused. You have overlooked a mountain and they are complaining about a mole hill- a mole hill they would have never, ever seen had they not pushed you to that point.
Misery loves company, my friends. Miserable people will never be satisfied until you feel worse than they do. This is achieved by making you feel awful about yourself. This is not love, it is the reverse. It is self-hatred. It is destructive and difficult if not impossible to exist in a relationship such as this without completely losing yourself. It can destroy you.
I am a peaceful person. I hate to fight. I never want to hurt another living soul. People who truly love me, know and understand this about me. Because they love me, they would never consider pushing me to the point of 'losing it'. Some perceive me as weak because I am this way. Let me tell you a little secret. I have the ability to completely destroy with just a word or two. This is why I run like hell when things start getting nasty. I don't get off on hurting others. When I resort to that, I am exhausted. I collapse in a corner and cry for days. The worst part is: they win. I don't have to worry about accepting their faults or mistakes any more. Now I only see mine and I feel awful.
I have had a few faults of my own revealed in a big way recently. The person who believed it was his job to point them out, thinks he won. He can boast all he wants over his success but the victory is really mine. He pushed me to my breaking point. I feel badly about it but honestly, it was the greatest gift he ever gave me. There is so much inside me that needs to be healed. All he did was bring it all to the surface so now I can deal with it. I can heal it.
Love hopes, believes and endures all things. Love can melt the hardest of hearts. I know this is true. Love recognizes the faults of others, accepts and overlooks them. It forgives mistakes; it never takes pleasure in pointing them out. But love also makes you want to heal yourself so you never hurt the one who so graciously accepts you- faults, mistakes and all.
And this is my Daily Cyn..........