Monday, August 15, 2011

Don't Tell Me How Wonderful You Are......

This past Saturday night was my first time 'out' as a single gal. Most you already know I ended a two year relationship about four months ago. Since then, I've been keeping busy with work and caring for Dad.  Quite honestly, I am not all that enthusiastic about getting back into the swing of full-blown single life again.

It's been ages since I had a Girls' Night Out, so when my phone rang around ten on Saturday night with an invitation to go to our favorite place and dance a little, I jumped right to it. I was slightly stir crazy after being cooped up in the house working all day.  I have been waiting to step out in the great new sandals I bought months ago yet haven't had an opportunity to wear.  I slipped them on, fixed my hair and makeup and was out the door in minutes flat. Didn't have to ask me twice! It really is time for me to start getting back out there.

I had a wonderful time dancing and hanging out with my girlfriends. I reconnected with a few old friends and met some new ones. There was one particular middle-aged man there who decided to plop himself right next to me. He asked if he could buy me a drink to which I replied, "No, thank you, I'm not drinking." He then tried to strike up a conversation with me. One thing about me, I am cordial and I talk to everyone. I figure, if a guy has enough nerve to actually come up and try to talk to me, I'll listen for a few minutes. If I find him interesting, I will stay. If not, I politely excuse myself and move to another spot. He gets the message, no one gets hurt, and I don't get labeled as a bitch. This guy sat there beside me and told me how beautiful I was. Ok, I was listening. I mean, honestly, who doesn't want to hear that? Then he started talking about how wonderful he was. That's where he lost me and despite the fact that I kept turning my back to him and engaging in conversation with my friends, he wasn't getting the message. Truth be told, my feet were killing me (darn my new sandals) and I just didn't feel like getting up.  Why should I? I was sitting there first. This guy was persistent.  He went on and on about how great, honest and successful he was and kept insisting on buying buy me a drink. I kept refusing.

Now when a guy asks to buy you a drink you answer either Yes or No. Yes, means I would like to have a drink with YOU. No, means I don't want to have a drink with YOU.  This guy kept asking and I kept declining. It took every ounce of self-control to not grab him by the throat and say, "What part of I'm not drinking don't you understand?"

I suppose I could have taken it a step further and said, "Look. I am not drinking tonight but if I was, I would not want to have drink with YOU!"  He would have gotten the message loud and clear and just moved on to some other girl. It also could have caused quite a scene if he got angry enough so I decided to do the next best thing. I got up and moved. He followed. I couldn't get away from this guy and in between his constant hounding to please join him in a drink and admonishing me because I chose not to drink at all, he continued to tell me what a perfect gentleman he was. He knew how to treat and spoil a lady and he would love to take me dinner and get to know me. Oh, and he was a stand-up, trust-worthy guy. He was a cop. He tried to show me his badge and everything. Cops don't really do it for me, especially cops who get hammered in bars and then get in their cars and drive home.

I kept trying to move away from this guy and each time I did, he followed. He was drinking Scotch. Neat. One after the next. This guy was a real drinker and not exactly the type I am looking for. Not anymore. Eventually he got a little sloppy and told me he was married with two kids. I don't think this was intentional. It must have just accidentally slipped out because alcohol can be like a truth serum. I quickly glanced at his left ring finger and guess what? No ring. That's when I lost it. I looked him straight in the eye and said "You are not a great and wonderful guy. You are married, drunk and hitting on a girl in bar!" BINGO!! He mumbled an expletive or two that I will not repeat and left.

Here's the thing. This guy evidently was a real creep. He was married and out on the prowl looking for a little fun that night. Even if he wasn't married, I felt he was disrespectful to me and my decision not to drink that evening. He kept trying to push me to do something I did not wish to do. When that didn't work, he tried shaming me into it. Since I wasn't accepting his free drinks (guys sometimes do this because they know alcohol clouds our judgement of them) he thought he could seduce me with a little sweet talk and by trying to tell me how wonderful he was. I saw right through all that and my initial opinion of him was confirmed when he accidentally told me he was married. 

We are not always that lucky or that smart. Sometimes it takes awhile before we realize the mistake we made in judging and trusting someone based on their words alone. I could have been fooled, had I not already had some experience in this area. First night out as a single girl, still a bit broken-hearted after a failed relationship, easily swayed by the flattery of the first guy I meet. Or, I could have been drinking and my senses somewhat off kilter. I could have taken his persistence as a compliment and BAM!! Before I know it, I'm entangled with a married man.

This might be a dramatic example but there is a moral to my story. It doesn't matter where you meet someone. It could be at bar, at work or the grocery store. It makes no difference if you've just made their acquaintance or you've known them for years. Here's a word of advice: if a man (or woman) is truly a wonderful, honest, genuine stand-up, trust-worthy person, they will not need to tell you or constantly remind you. They already know their actions speak louder than words. The person who continuously needs to exalt himself is overcompensating for his lack of true character. Don't fall for it. In fact, when a person tells you too many good things about himself, he is actually revealing who he really is- a person you don't want to be with.

I am searching for some one truly wonderful. But I am way beyond the 'tell me stage'. Don't tell me how wonderful you are, don't flatter me, follow me or offer to buy me drinks. Just be yourself and if you really are wonderful, I will discover that all by myself.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

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