Friday, September 10, 2010

What's in an Apology?

I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately.  There have been some serious life-changes I  needed make and it has been a bit of an adjustment. I have been trying keep my optimistic attitude through it all but it hasn't been easy.  There are times I get discouraged. 

When we are faced with situations like this, we need the people around us to be supportive.  It doesn't help when loved ones contribute unwelcomed advice and opinions or express their frustrations about YOUR situation.  We need them to extend a helping hand and support us-- not add additional stress to our lives. 

Over the past several weeks, the person who is closest to me has been making me miserable.  I don't need the drama or the aggravation.  I need peace and someone strong enough to understand I need peace. The fire is already burning--I don't need help pouring on additional fuel to make it burn longer or stronger.  I need someone to assist me in extinguishing the flames with a pail of cool water!

Yesterday I received an apology.  I did not ask for it, I did not expect it, I did nothing to prompt it. It was probably the most genuine and heart-felt apology I have ever heard.  It made everything ok and bearable. 

I recently read this little story about apologies and I want to share it with you.  It is from the book:
Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand by Laura Doyle, a self-help expert.

Admitting a mistake requires courage and humility.  Being defensive about it isolates you and prevents you from receiving forgiveness because defensiveness and forgiveness cannot coexist.  So be proactive about acknowledging your errors, even if you feel that there is more to lose than to gain in the short term; in the long term you will receive more forgiveness, acceptance, and grace.

Start by apologizing the next time you are wrong--when you've done something to someone else that would have upset you.  That can be anything from interrupting someone to forgetting a birthday to initiating a breakup.

When you deliver an apology, take 100 percent accountability by leaving out the words "but" and "if".  Saying, "I am sorry I hurt your feelings," is being accountable.  Saying, "I am sorry if I hurt your feelings," is not.

Something to think about......

And this is my Daily Cyn............


  1. Good advice. I have heard that we shouldn't "but" one another before, but (sorry) this is the first time I heard "if." It makes sense.

    In Joy


  2. You have probably heard or read this little story sometime but maybe not this version by THEODORE TILTON....Once in Persia reigned a king, who upon his signet ring graved a maxim true and wise, which if hekd before his eyes, gave him counsel at a glance fit for every change and chance; solemn words, and these are they: "Even this shall pass away."