Wednesday, August 3, 2011

How's Your Deserve Level- Part II

Yesterday, I wrote about deserve levels. It all started with a chat with a client about why she keeps choosing the wrong men.  She has the perfect partner in mind but always seems to attract the ones that are nothing like her ideal. She becomes involved regardless and always ends up with nothing but heartache and disappointment. 

Where is her dream man?

We determined that the reason why she doesn't have her dream man yet and keeps settling for less than what she really wants is because her deserve level is so low.  She dreams about her perfect mate but when it comes down to it, she doesn't actually believe she deserves him. This is why she always settles and ultimately ends up getting hurt.

Everyone has big dreams: a dream partner, a dream job, a dream company, a dream home, a dream life. Not everyone makes these dreams come true. What is the difference between those who do and those who don't. BELIEF.

You must actually believe you deserve what you dream about in order to make it happen!

Think of people you know who are miserable, stuck in dead-end jobs or in unsatisfying relationships. They might complain about their situation but yet it never seems to change. Usually, these types of people  constantly complain. They might say they want or dream of something different, but nothing ever changes. The truth is they get exactly what they believe they deserve. What they do not realize is they are attracting negative, less than satisfying people and things and will keep doing so until they honestly and truly believe they deserve better.

I like to call your belief or lack of belief in accomplishing hopes, dreams and goals your deserve level.....

So how is your deserve level?  High or low? Ask yourself these questions:

1.  Do you constantly attract negative people (lovers, friends, co-workers that seem to gravitate toward you?)

2.  Do you have an idea of your perfect mate yet still keep falling for the ones who are nothing like your ideal?

3.  Are you stuck in a situation where you are miserable, but never take steps to improve it or leave?

4.  Do you feel like you always have to settle? That something is better than nothing?

These could be signals of a low deserve level.

Why is it low? 

Usually, it begins in childhood.  Attitudes and opinions of ourselves are formed at a very early age. Through experiences and interactions with other people, especially family members, we develop an internal picture of ourselves and place a value on it. Parental attitudes and behavior heavily influence our deserve levels. Perhaps you were not encouraged to try new things or praised for your efforts.  Were you always compared to to siblings or other children?  You might have been wrongly or brutally punished or abused. Your self -esteem and your deserve level suffer and you begin to believe you are not good enough.  If you think you are not good enough, then why would you deserve anything good?

Not every child who grows up this way is destined to have a low deserve level. Some are fortunate enough find positive role models later on in life. Others discover talents, skills or unique gifts. This helps to develop strong self esteem and belief in themselves. And some children who are raised in wonderful, encouraging environments can become adults who believe they don't deserve anything good. Experiences, peer pressure, success and failure, tragic events and abusive relationships can all influence our deserve levels. 

How to improve your deserve level...........

1. Ask for help. There could be some deep-rooted emotional reasons why your deserve level is lower than it should be. You might need to speak to a therapist or hire a life coach to help overcome these issues. Talk with your closest friends, loved ones, or people you trust. Ask them why they think you are this way. What they have to say might surprise you. Ask them to point out your good qualities and to remind you why you do deserve everything you want, as well.

2.  Forgive. Harboring ill feelings toward anyone you think might be responsible for your low deserve level is only hurting you. Unforgiveness takes up your energy and hinders you from moving on. Forgive and release that person completely.

3.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You might not have what you want yet, but self-pity parties never helped anyone. Same with complaining. STOP!

4.  Do not envy those making their dreams come true. Make friends with them instead. The best way to change your way of thinking or believing is to hang with those who think and believe differently than you do.

5.  Make a list. I am a big fan of list making. Write down what you want or where you want to be. Go into detail:  the job you want, the salary you want, the type of mate you desire, the dream house you wish to live in. Whatever you dream of, whatever situations you want to change, WRITE IT ALL DOWN. Then, write down all the reasons why you deserve to have these things. Next, list the steps you need to take to make it happen.  Put the list where you can see it every day!

6.  Take action. Begin taking steps to make your dreams come true. If you hate your job, look for a better one. Go back to school or get the training you need. If you dream of owning your own home, you might need to temporarily move to a cheaper apartment or live with your folks for awhile to save money. These might not be the best of circumstances but they are only temporary. They are only stepping stones bringing closer to your dreams. Sheer belief won't make anything happen without action.

Belief is what inspires you to finally take action and do what it takes to achieve your dreams.

7. If at first you don't succeed....keep trying. Miracles do not happen overnight. You might not get the particular job you wanted but that doesn't mean there isn't a better one around the corner. Don't give up!

8. Disappointment is part of life. If something does not work out, don't despair.  Tell yourself that particular company, that friend, or guy or girl simply did not deserve you! .

9.  Never, ever settle! Something isn't always better than nothing. Raise your standards. Wait, hope and believe for the best.

10. Get rid of the notion that it's wrong, selfish, self-centered or sinful to believe you deserve the best.

Once your deserve level improves, your life will begin to fall into place. You will being to attract the good things, the right people and wonderful opportunities. Your dreams will come true, because you believe you deserve them!

And this is my Daily Cyn......

1 comment:

  1. Do you know of a hypnosis program that helps with this?