Tuesday, August 2, 2011

How's Your Deserve Level?

Today I had another one of those long, intense Face Book chats. As I sat sipping coffee and checking to see what was going on the world,  a client messaged me the moment I logged on.

"Why do I always choose the wrong guys?"

Yep. That's what she typed. No good morning.  No how are you? No greeting whatsoever. JUST THAT. At six-thirty in the morning. I had barely wiped the sleep from my eyes and here she was- demanding an answer.

Thankfully, I am the most productive and clear-thinking first thing in the morning or I would have been in big trouble. But I am a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach, not a Relationship Coach! Why does everyone keep asking me about relationships lately? I knew I was going to need more than one cup of coffee to get through this conversation.

"Let me rephrase your question slightly," I typed back. "Why do you think THEY choose YOU?"

A hour and several cups of coffee later, I signed off, content that we each had actually learned something.

This woman knows what she wants. She dreams about the perfect guy. She can describe him to a 'T'. Come on, who doesn't imagine their perfect mate? But for some strange reason, she keeps getting involved with men who are nothing like her dream guy and keeps getting hurt. I feel bad for her. She seems to be stuck. Relationships seem to be one of many areas where she just can't get ahead. I want to help her become UN-stuck.

Deserve level. That's it, in a nut shell. In other words, we have and we get exactly what we think we deserve.

Your perfect dream job, your dream mate, a dream vacation, your dream body, your dream home- it's wonderful to dream. Everybody does it. Here's my question: if our dreams are so grand and wonderful, why do we settle for less than our dreams?

Because we don't believe we actually deserve those things we dream about.

Think about the people you know who are successful, living a good life, work at a career they love, or have terrific partners that shower them with love and affection. You can have everything they have and more. The only difference between you and them is-- they believe they deserve it and you don't.

How about your girlfriend who has a wonderful guy that spoils her with romantic dinners, flowers, jewelry. Your boyfriend's idea of a romantic evening is sharing a bucket of chicken in front of TV. You're lucky to get a card on special occasions let alone flowers or jewelry. It doesn't mean he loves you less than your girlfriend's guy loves her. It just means she KNOWS she deserves better,  therefore she gets what she deserves!

Ever date a guy who never did nice things for you but later you find out he does all that and more for his new girlfriend? Why is this? Did he change? Nope. Same guy with a new girl who believes she deserves it!

Whether we like it or not, we send out signals. These signals attract people and things into our lives. Yes, I know bad things happen to good people- terrible things they never deserve. We have no control over those types of tragic things.  This not about that.  This is about showing the world what you believe you deserve. You can control that!

Perhaps you are stuck in a job you don't like. You work incredibly long hours, your boss is offensive and you barely earn enough money to survive. You've put up with it for years. "I hate my job," you say. " I don't deserve to be treated this way!" Really? If you honesty believe you don't deserve to be treated this way  then why are you still reporting daily to a job you despise?  If you want a job you enjoy with acceptable hours, a kinder boss and better pay, you better start believing you deserve it! And, start showing the right people how much you deserve it! A company you despise working for could become one you love just because your deserve level has changed. Employers don't always promote, reward and compensate those who deserve it but they will certainly take care of the ones who refuse to settle for anything less.

Am I making any sense at all?

My Face Book client has a picture in her mind of the ultimate dream guy. He sounds wonderful. I want her to meet him. Heck, I want to meet him! The only reason why she doesn't have him yet is because she doesn't believe she deserves him! After an hour of trying to explain this to her, she finally got it! She can't keep blaming it on the wrong guy at the wrong time in the wrong place. That stuff really doesn't matter at all. She just needs to work on her deserve level.

We have the career, the relationship, the marriage, the life we believe deserve. We cannot change anything until we believe we deserve better!

Tomorrow I will share more about deserve levels and how to improve them so we can change our lives!

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

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