Happy Birthday to My Son!

Twenty-two years ago today, I was given the most precious gift: a child. A beautiful son: David John.  He weighed in at a whopping 10lbs, 11oz!  I tend to give a very tall appearance, but I am only 5'5" with narrow hips and small bones. There was no way he was going to arrive in the usual way. He was so darn big.  Larger than life, from the very beginning. That's my boy!

I remember when my OB-GYN told me my child was breech. It was a month before my due date. I was huge--all belly. It looked as if I was about to topple over any moment. It was the end of July and it was so hot. Uncomfortable doesn't even begin to describe it. My back ached, my feet and ankles were always swollen and I wanted this child out of me! The doctor said there was absolutely no room for this kid to turn and come out head first so my plan of natural childbirth was over. All that money for Lamaze classes down the drain.

I had a very difficult delivery despite the fact the doctors on call knew in advance they were doing a C-Section. I opted for an epidural so I could stay awake for the procedure.  In 99% of patients, an epidural will block pain. I was the other 1% . I was cut wide open from side-to-side and felt it all. They didn't realize this (despite my blood-curdling screams) until I passed out from the pain. When they finally put me completely under, they had difficulty getting him out. He was so big. It was a race against time to save both mother and child.

Later that day, when my son was presented to me for inspection, I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't attempt to have him the other way. He looked like a six month old with rolls upon rolls of fat. I couldn't believe how big he was. Even his feet were huge. When they placed him in my arms and he looked up at me with his little round eyes, all the pain I experienced was forgotten and replaced with love. A love that is impossible to explain or comprehend unless you are a mother.

I always wanted a house-full of children but it was impossible for me to have any more. There was constant tension and instability in my marriage so I closed the door to my dream of adopting more kids. I guess it just wasn't part of God's plan. I am just so thankful I had the opportunity to have one child. There are alot of women out there who don't even get that. Thank you, God.

I wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world. I prayed for a child for the longest time.  I was married for seven years before I got pregnant. When I met David's father and we started dating, he had two rules: he didn't ever want to get married and he did not want children. Three months later he proposed so I figured if he changed his mind about marriage, he would eventually come around to my way of thinking about children. That didn't happen. My pregnancy was unexpected and a complete shock. I had just made the decision to go back to school to earn my teaching degree when I discovered I was "with child".  My husband had a change of heart when he heard the news and was now very excited about being a father. God had answered my prayers and I felt like Hannah in the bible. I didn't bring my son to the temple and leave him there to do God's work like she did, but in my own way, I committed my baby to God and promised I would raise him with love, tenderness, acceptance and peace. I knew David was a gift I didn't deserve and I was responsible for him.

I didn't know then the path our lives would take. I had no idea my marriage would fall apart and end with a nasty custody battle and divorce. No matter how we try to shield our children, they are always affected. Even when they know we are doing the right thing. Even though he begged me to please leave Daddy, he was secretly asking God to help us work it all out. We didn't work it out. My son's specific prayers were not answered but he was too young to realize how much worse it could have been had his father and I stayed together. I can't help but think David's unanswered prayer is the major reason for the sadness behind his beautiful blue eyes. God didn't hear him. I know that feeling well. But experience has taught me, God always hears and knows best. Eventually, our prayers do get answered. Maybe not exactly how we originally ask, but in wonderful ways we never expect.

I know I've failed more times than I can count, but I have always tried to honor the commitment I made to God concerning my son. It hasn't been easy and now that he's grown, he battles his own demons. Demons he might not have to fight had I done a few things differently. If I had made better choices, perhaps he wouldn't struggle as much now that he is a grown man. I don't regret ending my marriage but there are other decisions I made that were obviously the wrong ones. It's too late to change all that and I know I can't fight his demons for him. If I could, I would. All I can do is fall on my knees daily, asking for divine intervention, protection and guidance for my beloved child.

My son is a good boy- all 6' 4" and 230 lbs of him! He has grown into a wonderful, kind and caring young man. He works harder than any kid I know his age. He doesn't expect anything to be handed to him. He has an amazing work ethic and is not afraid to get his hands dirty. It boggles my mind how smart and capable he is. I can't figure out where on earth he learned to do the things he does. He's tough and he's a survivor. His father comes from good stock, but I know my son gets his drive, independence, and tenacity from my side of the family. He also has his mother's heart- it's way too soft and easily broken. He always believes the best and puts his faith and trust in others a little too often. Because of this, he carries the heavy burden of disappointment. He's just like me in that way and I can share my experiences with him but I can't shelter him from the pain. These are lessons he must learn for himself as he continues to travel the road of life.

If I could impart one thing to my son it would this: he is very, very loved. There is nothing in the world that could ever change the love I have in my heart for him. I am his mother. He is my child. We are held together by a scarlet thread that can never be broken. When he hurts, I hurt. When he laughs, I laugh. When he fails or makes mistakes, I am there to pick him up and let him know I love him for trying. And to push him to keep trying. He has done some really stupid things and made a few foolish choices, but haven't we all? It's just part of life. He needs to find his purpose and place. Not where I think he should be or where his father or his grandparents believe he needs to be. I think the hardest part of being a mother is letting your child find his own path and that awful, sinking feeling when he chooses the wrong one. But I know I raised him right and he has a good head on his shoulders. Eventually, he will get back on track.

My darling son--Happy Birthday. At twenty-two years old, the world is your oyster. You just need to figure out how to pry open the shell without breaking it to retrieve the pearl.  Never give up. Never forget. You are my heart, my pearl, my treasure. You are a gift- not just to me- but to the world.

And this is my Daily Cyn..........

Fast Food Oatmeal??

I totally 'get' the whole concept of Fast Food! I am most certainly not a fan but I do understand why so many people just can't live with out it. You drive up, place your order, and dine on a meal in a bag. It's an unhealthy meal, no matter how they try to convince you  it isn't. Unless you have been hiding under a rock, you already know this.

What I don't understand is the whole Fast Food Oatmeal Craze. First of all, we've already determined that McDonald's oatmeal is far from healthy. And now, Burger King has jumped on the band wagon and has introduced oatmeal to their repertoire of fast food fare. 

Here's the article:

Burger King Introduces Oatmeal

Oatmeal, no matter where you buy it, is not fast food. You can't really eat it while driving to work. You're not supposed to be steering your car with your knees as you hold a hot container of oatmeal in one hand and a spoon in the other. That's why the Egg McMuffin and Croissan'wich were created!  For years, I sat beside people with their messy egg sandwiches or bagels with cream cheese during my morning commute on the LIRR.  Not once have I ever seen any one open up a container of oatmeal and eat it while riding the rail.

So why on earth is McDonald's and Burger King rolling out oatmeal? Fast Food is for fast people--people on the run!  Imagine trying to balance a bowl of oatmeal while racing down the street to catch a bus! I don't get it. Unless you plan on taking a few minutes to actually sit back and enjoy it in your car or in the restaurant, what's the point? Perhaps you plan on bringing it to the office and eating at your desk while you read your morning emails.  If that's the case, why waste time stopping at McDonald's or Burger King to get your morning oatmeal?  Why not just make it yourself and bring it with you?

Oatmeal really is quick and simple to make and for the cost of one serving from a Fast Food joint, you can buy a whole box of your own rolled oats. Set it on the stove as you're getting ready for work or prepare it the night before.  Reheat it the next morning or invest in a wide-mouthed thermos, pour it in, and you are good to go!

Perfect Oatmeal

1/2 cup of rolled oats (not instant oats- they are useless)
1 cup of water
dash of salt
dash of ground cinnamon
Sweetener of your choice

Follow cooking directions for either stove or microwave method. When it's fully cooked, toss in a few goodies. I love to add a handful of almonds or chopped walnuts and some raisins. Sometimes I mix in the raisins as the oatmeal cooks so they get nice and plump. Then I add in a splash of vanilla almond milk (you can use soy or regular milk, as well) and a dash of maple syrup for extra sweetness. If I have fresh blueberries or strawberries, I toss those in and eliminate the extra sweetener. Then I pour it into a thermos and go! It stays hot until I am ready to enjoy it.

The beauty of this is-- I know exactly what's in my oatmeal because I made it. It's cheap, it's nourishing and as long as my lid is nice and secure, it's perfectly portable. Probably even more so than oatmeal packaged in a styrofoam or cardboard container  from a fast food restaurant.

Simple pleasures, people. There's no need to make life so complicated. Don't buy the lie that you don't have time to make your own food. You do have time.

Make your own oatmeal. Eat at home or bring it with you. It's good, it's nourishing, and with winter right around the corner, oatmeal is a stick-to-your-ribs breakfast that will keep you warm and give you energy for hours.

And this is my Daily Cyn........

To Cheese or Not to Cheese: A Former Cheese Lover's Dilemma

Okay, I confess the hardest part of being Vegan was having to sacrifice cheese. What would a slice of pizza, lasagna or eggplant parmigiana be without oozing layers of melted cheese? What about all those platters loaded with different varieties of cheese, crackers and fresh fruit? I am French and Italian. We live for cheese!

When I first became a Vegetarian many years ago, I relied heavily on cheese as a major source of protein. This was way back when being a Veggie wasn't so popular. There were no Boca Burgers, faux chik'n nuggets and other meat alternatives like we have now. It wasn't so easy giving up meat back then. Everything had to prepared from scratch. I was fearful of not getting enough protein in my diet ( the importance of meat had been drilled into my brain by my parents and at school) so I always made sure I ate plenty of cheese. Cheese was there to pick up the slack just in case all those home made lentil loaves and egg dishes weren't doing the trick. I certainly didn't want to wither away.

There is no real nutritional benefit from low-fat or no-fat varieties so I was eating raw, whole milk, rennet-less cheese by the pound. A good old grilled cheese sandwich was a delicious alternative when I wasn't in the mood to actually cook something. So was home made spinach quiche (loaded with eggs and cheddar cheese) and pizza. I lived on that stuff for a very long time. After a few years of eating this way, I noticed all that cheese was making me sluggish and making me fat! I was also getting more colds in the winter than ever before, despite that fact that I thought I was so healthy.

I've since fine-tuned my diet and eliminated animal products. No dairy- no milk, no eggs, etc. But what about my cheese? Cheese is dairy. It comes from cows. I've since learned I don't need it for protein (I get plenty that from all my other food) but I really love mac and cheese and pizza. My all-time favorite dish: eggplant parmigiana. The thought of never having those foods again made me want to throw in the towel altogether. But I am dedicated and determined to stay a Vegan. I am healthier, I feel better, I look better, and I am able to manage my weight easier by eating this way.

Vegan cheese alternatives are widely available. I have sampled several and for a real cheese lover like me, most leave much to be desired. They really aren't tasty enough to slice and eat. The consistency just isn't right. Some melt beautifully, others turn into a glob of oily mess. My famous mac and cheese loaded with real butter, cream and tons of Gruyere cheese topped with breadcrumbs is now a thing of the past. I tried making another version with a good brand of Vegan cheese and soy milk. It's not the same but it tastes pretty good. I did manage to create a lovely dish with layers of marinated, grilled eggplant and fresh tomatoes topped with melted Galaxy  "mozzarella". It's my healthy version of eggplant parm, baked to perfection, without all the oil, eggs, flour, breadcrumbs or frying. It's always a hit with guests when I serve it.

I go back and forth on using Vegan cheese because no matter how I look at it- it's processed. I am a bit of a purist when it comes to my food and common sense tells me in order to tranform a soybean, a handful of nuts, or a grain of rice into a block of "cheese" it must endure quite an ordeal. I have mixed emotions about all that. A hunk of rennet-less cheese made from raw milk is definitely NOT as processed. But then there's the whole cow thing. I don't really want to eat anything from a cow.

I openly admit, since becoming a Vegan, I have eaten REAL cheese. Sometimes I had no choice in the matter, especially if I was unprepared, at a party, or invited to dinner. Well meaning hosts and hostesses automatically serve me dishes oozing with cheese because they know I don't eat meat. Unless I specifically warn them ahead of time or bring my own food, I have to eat what they prepared and I have a thing about being rude. If somebody goes to the trouble of preparing a special dish for me, I feel obligated to try a tiny bit of it, just to be polite. Shame on me, right? Well, this is a character flaw of mine--the need to make everybody happy, regardless of my own personal convictions. Nobody is perfect. We are all a work in progress.

To cheese or not to cheese? Personal choice. As a rule, I choose NO CHEESE. Occasionally, I've broken my own rule. I might have to again in the future but I refuse to punish myself over it. Eating well should never be a burden. If I slip up now and then, it's okay. I forgive myself and get right back on the path again. I will tell you a little secret, though. Since I no longer eat cheese, if I do have it, the first bite or two tastes really good. After awhile the consistency of it makes me sick and the next day, I feel the effects from it: fatigue, bloating, upset stomach, digestive issues. I am not and never was lactose intolerant. Cheese obviously clogs my system and slows everything down.  My body just doesn't want it anymore.

As for Vegan cheese, I eat it but I don't depend on it as a source of protein. I don't use it as back up plan when I am too lazy to cook something healthy and nourishing. I don't eat it as a snack. I don't melt it over vegetables to make them taste better or more nutritious. I depend on other sources of protein: beans, grains, nuts. These types of foods keep me very healthy, full of energy and feeling good.

I use Vegan cheese sparingly as a condiment because I always remember it's not really natural. In a perfect world, I would make my own cheese from nuts. That's a big, involved, time-consuming project and who has that kind of time? I certainly don't so, I buy it ready-made. Sometimes I shred it and sprinkle it over baked vegetable casseroles for a little extra pizzaz. Or mix it into home made chili or lentil soup. Once in a blue moon, I will make soy mac and cheese. It's a lot of work and although it's quite good, it's not the same as the traditional REAL cheese dish so I am never really satisfied. If it's comfort food I'm craving (I think mac and cheese is the ultimate comfort food), I will slice up an avocado and eat the whole thing. I get the creamy, buttery, fatty consistency and satisfaction I crave without much effort and I am not harming an animal or eating too much of something that is overly processed. Overall, I eat a healthy diet that includes good, pure, natural, nourishing food. Since I've been eating this way, that desire to completely smother my food with fatty, oily cheese is pretty much gone.

Here's the thing:  if it's a piece of real or vegan cheese, a slice of chocolate cake or glass of wine you crave, choose the best versions made with finest ingredients you can find. Nourish your body with good things. In return, you will be vibrant, healthy and bursting with life. That's the payoff for treating yourself well. If you slip up, indulge, or make a mistake, forgive yourself and move on. That goes for everything in life. Time is much too precious to waste beating yourself up for not being perfect.

Here is an article about the pros and cons of Vegan cheese, complete with suggestions of the best brands to try.


What is Vegan Cheese?

There is also recipe on this site for pepper corn "goat cheese" made from raw cashews they claim is tasty enough to serve with crackers and wine to guests. I definitely have to try that.

And this is my Daily Cyn................

If It Feels Good, Do It....(a few things that make me feel good)

I am on a "feel good" kick! I've spent the past few months feeling sorry for myself for several reasons ( a failed relationship, having to give up my office at the Wellness Center, the sudden, unexpected death of my beloved cat, Sambo, my father battling cancer, serious issues with my son, losing my "day job" and that much needed steady paycheck that went along with it, etc. etc.). It's been a difficult year so far.



When everything bad hit me at once, it took awhile to catch up. Honestly, I've never had so many upsetting circumstances occur in such a short period of time.  I felt like I was in a boxing match. I wasn't sitting around crying but I was less than enthusiastic about everything. My social life came to screeching halt--by choice. I was declining invitations from friends. Staying at home alone. Going to bed early (I am usually a night-owl). Allowing the dishes to pile up in the sink (something I never do), not folding my laundry, craving foods I never eat like candy, cookies and cake.  Things that clearly indicated I was down-in-the-dumps. It's okay to feel this way. Sometimes, you just gotta go with it. There's always a lesson to learn. There are times you just can't SNAP OUT OF IT! Give yourself permission to think, feel, reflect, cry a little if you must. Forcing yourself NOT to feel overwhelmed or sad is probably even worse in the long run.

Little by little, I found my balance again. Now I feel good and interested in things that make me feel better. When I took a good look at myself in the mirror recently, boy did I need some serious pampering. The first thing on the agenda was a Spa Day. Manicure, pedicure, facial, hair color. That made me feel great  immediately. So great in fact, I went out dancing that night- the first time in almost a year!

Due to circumstances with my dad being ill, my jet-setting lifestyle is temporarily on-hold.  There are so many places I want to go and things I want to do but I can't come and go as I please right now. I need to be close to home and available. And as for jumping back into the dating pool? Forget about it! I have so much going on, honestly, what guy in his right mind is going to get involved with me?  I am okay with that, for now.

My business is growing but it's slow going.  I had to temporarily give up my office so I am operating from home. That's okay, too. I have a nice little place. It's small, but nice and I don't mind having clients here as long as they don't mind an affectionate black cat crawling all over them.

So what can I do to work around all this but yet still feel good? Well, being that most of my time lately is spent at home, I can make my home better. If I have to live here, work here and spend most of my time here, I need to make the best of it and make it more appealing. Warmer. Friendlier. That would make me feel good. This unfortunately, involves spending some money. Money I really don't have. I am certainly not poverty-stricken but since losing that steady, weekly pay check and surviving soley on what I earn in my consulting business, most of the time, I feel like this:

My living room, bedroom and bath are in desperate need of painting. I have been putting it off because I'm the worst painter in the world and I don't really have the extra funds to hire someone to do it. My son is moving in with me the end of this month. There's my painter! All I have to do now is buy the paint.



So, while I wait for my son to move in and start painting, I've been doing a bit of shopping. No real big purchases (I recently bought a new couch and I don't really have the room for more furniture) but buying little things that make me happy.

Because my place is so small, I don't have a lot of space for extra seating so I bought these:

Nice big pillows to toss on the floor. They look nice, they're comfortable and perfect to sit on. In fact, my son will love these. My couch is small and he's a big guy. We'll never be able to get cozy on the couch together so one of us is going to have to occupy the floor from time to time. The old lady should get the couch, don't you think?




I have recessed lighting in the ceiling at my place and it's either too bright or too dim. Most of the time, I don't even turn on the lights. I light candles. They provide a relaxing atmosphere and extra glow. So I bought these candle holders:

And the table runner to go along with them. It's going to be a bit of an adjustment sharing my home after living alone for the past several years. Even if it is my own child occupying my space, I am going to want peaceful surroundings. Candles-- instant peace.




I have limited storage and closet space. Right now I store my bath towels in a little closet in the room that my son is going to use. I can't keep going in and out of there, so I bought this:

A big basket to store my towels in the corner of the bathroom. They'll be easily accessible and my son won't have to call out, "Ma! I need a  towel!" each time he takes a shower.

Simple things..............they make me feel good.



And all that junk food I've been craving lately? I threw it all away and I bought lots of fresh fruit.

Wholesome, natural snacks, right out in the open. This will get me back on track. It definitely makes me feel good when I eat well.








I confess, I did buy one bag of Terra Chips. I ate a few and the cat got the rest. This is how I found him this morning:

Potato chip crumbs everywhere. I was vacuuming before sunrise today. Earlier I mentioned that my cat Sambo died. Well, I missed him so much that a few weeks later, I got a new cat. He will never replace my beloved Sambo, but my new little P'aqu is a hoot. He keeps me laughing all the time. I took him into my home because he makes me feel good.




And this is the cat now, after his big Potato Chip Party:

That's P'aqu, strung out and draped over my legs as I type this. And yes, I am on the couch. With a blanket. My little place can get cold and I still don't feel well. It makes me feel good to just chill this way now and then.




So in between working, resting, playing with the cat, helping out with my dad and preparing for my son to move in, I've been shopping an awful lot lately and buying all sorts of stuff for the house. Candles, towels, new pillows and sheets, picture frames. Stuff I don't really need but having it makes me happy. I am not a shop-a-holic. I don't have a spending problem and I am certainly not in debt. The money isn't flowing in right now like it used to but I am far from the poor house. I am comfortable. And these little purchases make me feel good. At least I have something to show for my money and it makes my home cozy. It adds personality. When people come here I want my house to be a reflection of who I am: warm, friendly, inviting. You can put your feet up on my table and I don't mind. Not to mention, my son is going through a very difficult time right now. He needs a haven more than anyone else I know.

Welcome home, my child.  It will make us both feel good to live together again......

What's the moral of this story? If it feels good, do it! What makes me feel good, might not do anything for you. I can't tell you what to do. You have to figure that out on your own.  Here is the only rule: Don't hurt yourself or anyone else. Other than that, go ahead and knock yourself out! If it feels good, DO IT~

And this is my Daily Cyn................

Competition.............

"See others as your companions in this journey we call life, rather than as your competition."

This has got to be one of the most profound quotes I've seen in a long time. Someone posted it on Face Book and when I read it I actually sat back in my chair and went "Harrumph!". You know what I mean....when something hits you and all you can do is just grunt?

So of course this got me to thinking......

Unless we live on a deserted island or high on a mountain-top, we are always coming in contact with people. Some of those people we like or love instantly. Others just rub us the wrong way. Then there are those we meet who, for one reason or another, we view as competition. They're better looking, happier, have nicer homes, more money, more friends, better love relationships, or they are more successful. We have a habit of disliking and avoiding these kinds of people. We might even discourage other people from associating with them.

Why?

I have a bad habit of viewing those who are more successful as my competition.  Especially those in my type of business. Men and women in the Health and Wellness Industry who are real movers and shakers. Makin' it happen. Sometimes I look at them and think, "Hey! They stole my idea!" Some of these movers and shakers want to network with me. Honestly, there are times I am hesitant to do that. This is such a shame. We're all trying to accomplish the same goal. So why do I refuse to jump on board with these people?

Competition.

I earned my degree and started my nutritional consulting company over ten years ago. I dragged my feet for eight of those years and left it all on the back burner so I could make lots of money in the Mortgage Industry and live life in fast lane instead.  That whole business was completely contradictory to who I am as a person. It was never a good fit, but I made it work. I think back now to some of the dishonest things I did just to make a buck. I never did anything illegal but I definitely pushed the envelope a few times.  And, I stepped over others to get to the top. My whole lifestyle was different. I was different. It was a constant battle denying who I really was and trying to be something I wasn't.  Then, my whole world came crashing down.  I am still picking up the pieces.

The fact is, nobody forced me to do all that. If I had just run with my passion for health and wellness from the beginning, I would have a thriving practice by now. Ten years ago, what I had to share was new and exciting. I would have been a real trail-blazer. Now, everybody is preaching a similar 'gospel'. There are times I feel as if I am barely holding on to a rapidly moving train.  A few years ago, I could have been driving it! It's no body's fault but mine that at fifty years old, I am only now getting around to building my business from the ground up.   I should be looking forward to retirement, not another twenty years of hard work. My original plan of operating my business from the deck of my beach house overlooking the water would probably be a reality now and not some far-off  dream. I am still hopeful, though. And positive. Better late than never.  I might be sixty years old before it happens, but it's gonna happen. 

I'm certainly not sitting around crying over all this.  Ten years ago, I probably wasn't ready. I had a great plan but obviously there were lessons I needed to learn.  Experiences I needed to have. Back then it was all about me. I might not have been satisfied with less money and a low-key, peaceful life. I wouldn't have as much to offer anybody then as I do now.  There's a positive for every negative. You have to look at things that way or you'll drive yourself crazy with all those shoulda-coulda-woulda's!

There are people out there making their dreams come true. Touching the lives of others. Loving their work. Doing what we do and doing it well. Doing it better! Competition? We could think that way if we want to stay exactly where we are and not grow. What would happen if we thought of them as companions, instead?

First of all, nobody owns the corner market on Health, Wellness and Nutrition or any other business. We each have our own talents, gifts, ideas, expertise, skills, and personalities to contribute. If we always consider the more successful folks as competition rather than companions, we'll never learn a thing.  The Universe can't come together on our behalf.  We won't be successful because we're selfishly clinging to what we think is ours.  We might acquire lots of things and a nice fat bank account, but we will never really be happy. Those who are terrified of losing what they have are never truly happy.

Remember the movie Miracle on 34th Street?  The Santa at Macy's Department Store was referring frustrated parents to other stores to find what they needed.  If Macy's didn't have that toy fire truck for little Johnny, Gimbals did. At first, store management was livid. "You can't send people to a different store! We want them to spend their money here, even if we don't have what they really want!" Santa didn't see it that way. He wanted the children to have what they wanted, even it meant shopping elsewhere. Even if it cost him his job! What happened in the end? People flocked to Macy's. Their business boomed. Why? Because all the other stores were no longer considered competitors. They were companions providing a service to keep the customers happy. Macy's was now the store with a heart! HUGE LESSON HERE!!

This just doesn't apply to business, dear friends. It works with everything in life. We all have something to give. We also have something to learn. Here's a little tip: those who achieve success in life the right way, will be more than happy to share their tips and ideas with you. The ones that didn't, will turn from you because YOU are COMPETITION. You don't want or need anything from them anyway. Partner with good, genuine people who are living life, making it happen, and willing to share.  Don't run away from them.  Make them your companions. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And this is my Daily Cyn...........

Thinking about Going Veggie?

photo from icanhazcheezburger.com

So many people are becoming Vegetarians and Vegans (going Veggie). Their friends are doing it. Hollywood is doing it! Former President Bill Clinton is now a Vegan. Mike Tyson, too. Natalie Portman. Alicia Silverstone has never looked better since she made the switch to a Vegan diet.

Are you thinking about eliminating meat from your diet because it might be healthier? Good for you. That could be a step in the right direction and we should talk. However, if you're considering radically changing the way you eat because it's cool or just because everyone else is doing it- THOSE ARE THE WRONG REASONS!

If you think it's just about giving up meat and replacing it with packaged, processed faux food that looks like meat, tastes like meat but really isn't meat and you have no idea what it is and you don't care as long as a cow, pig, chicken, turkey, lamb or fish was not killed or harmed in the process AND you think you will reap the benefits of a true Vegetarian/Vegan  by eating this fake "meat" and your regular diet of chips, dip,  mashed potatoes, frozen dinners, boxed macaroni and cheese, cookies, cake, candy and NO vegetables ('cause you really don't dig those) .......THINK AGAIN! Veggie corn-dogs and chocolate pudding is not a Vegetarian diet. Neither is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and carrot sticks.  Just because you don't do meat doesn't mean you're healthy!   

The best diet advice (and when I say 'diet', I mean how you eat for life--not a starvation plan that is mostly denial and deprivation) comes from Michael Pollan:

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

FOOD:  real, wholesome, food in its most natural state. Not stuff from a box, a can, or from the freezer section of the local grocery store.

NOT TOO MUCH: anything in excess is never good- including healthy stuff.

PLANTS:  those green leafy things that grow in the ground or on trees and bushes.  And.....fresh fruit, nuts, beans, and grains like wheat, oats, barley, quinoa, rice (the brown kind--not the pretty bleached-white processed instant stuff you buy in a box).


If you are interesting in preventing sickness and disease, fighting obesity and living the best life you can possibly live, here's the secret:

Eat reasonable quantities of pure, natural, living, un-adulterated REAL FOOD!

Okay. Now what about meat?

Your choice. Some people just love meat. I don't. I function better without it. Others find it difficult to function when they don't have it.  Everyone is different. However, if you make your diet mostly plants, a piece of anti-biotic and hormone-free, organically fed (no corn or fillers), free-range chicken, beef from grazing, grass-fed cattle or wild salmon (not the cheap, artificially-colored farmed kind) is okay. If you really want it or need it, go ahead and eat it!

Are you shocked to hear this from the mouth a VEGAN? Someone who doesn't eat any animal products AT ALL?

Just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for you. And no matter how I try to encourage a Vegetarian or Vegan Diet, people are going to do what they want to do. Some just refuse to stop eating meat. And quite honestly, if they are not disciplined and dedicated, perhaps they should reconsider giving up meat!

So what am I supposed to do with clients who can't or won't give up their meat? Give up on them because they refuse to do it MY way?  Go VEGAN or go elsewhere? I can't do that. But I can work around their meat-eating ways and still help them become healthy, wealthy and wise. And maintain a comfortable weight.  I would rather say it's okay to have a burger once in awhile than to find out they're sneaking one behind my back. That's not helping anyone!

I steer my clients away from the Typical American Diet and encourage them to eat mostly plants.  I hate the idea of eating animals or animal products. It doesn't matter if a cow or chicken lived its entire life cooped up in a cage or roaming around free in a pasture until led to the slaughter.  But I always have to remember, these are my convictions. Until they become part of the heart and soul of another person, they will remain my convictions.

For those of you who really want to go Veggie all the way (you're so ready to forever sacrifice those Quarter Pounders for the greater good), or you have health reasons, environmental, ethical or spiritual convictions, or you just saw a real live cow for the very first time and can't ever eat a steak again, make sure you do it the right way. Get educated. Talk with your doctor, get tips and ideas from other successful (healthy) non-meat eaters, or camp out at a local yoga studio and find out what they're eating. Many yogis are vegetarians- some are not.  You should hear and understand the pros and cons of each personal choice. Research, research, research.  And be sure to contact me. That's why I am here. .

It doesn't matter if you are a Die-Hard Carnivore or an Aspiring Veggie.  Let's chat and discover together the best eating plan that suits your needs and your lifestyle.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......

What does Self Love or Full Potential Have to Do With Losing Weight?





We can only reach our true potential when we truly love and accept who we are, exactly as we are....... 

I am currently working on an article about reaching our full potential.  I wanted to post it today but it's not quite ready so instead I am giving you this- a teaser if you will. After all, Daily Cyn is a daily blog so I have to write something.

There are some people who can't grasp the concept of exactly what I do. I am a Nutritional Consultant and Lifestyle Coach. I teach people how to eat. Clients come to me for a variety of reasons: weight loss, health concerns, they want to become vegetarians, or just because they know they should eat better but have no idea how to begin. 




So what on earth does loving yourself or reaching your full potential have to do with losing weight, health or making a decision to eat well?

EVERYTHING!!!

 I'll use weight-loss as an example because it seems to be the most popular issue. You are overweight because you eat too much. Simple. You want to lose weight so now you need to stop over-eating. Yes and no. Over-eating isn't really the problem. It is a symptom of something else. In other words, there's a reason why you're over-eating and it's not just because food tastes so good! Why can some people stop at one or two cookies and you have to eat the whole bag? And, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE A DISEASE! There's something you're lacking. Something you need. Over-eating is just a temporary solution and a way of silencing something deep within. You are trying to fix it or shut it up with food. It all boils down to unresolved issues and how you think about your SELF.  In order to lose weight and keep it off forever, you must deal with those issues and come to know, accept and love who you are. Then you will begin to cherish, nourish and nurture yourself. This is also the key to reaching your full potential. You will never really get there any other way.

My methods are different. I will help you lose weight if that's what you want, but it's a lifestyle change I am after. I don't want you coming back in year to lose those same twenty pounds. I do want you to be so happy, healthy and different that you refer all your family and friends to me. I will not tell you to wait until you are thin enough  to go get what you want. I will tell you to start doing it NOW--regardless of your size or weight!  How? First step:  Deal with your issues: What do you want? What do you need? What's missing in your life? Second:  Love and appreciate who you are are right now-exactly as you are. 

Love myself even if I am fat? Absolutely!

If you don't love yourself RIGHT NOW, you will not miraculously love yourself when you're thin. You might love the way your body looks- but that's just your body and that's always subject to change..... 

I don't have a quick-fix miracle cure.  In fact it's hard work- for you and for me. But some amazing things will happen. Your health will improve. Your energy levels-- through the roof. Dreams will start coming true.  Relationships more satisfying . Doors to new fulfilling careers and other possibilites will open. Your whole life will change! Oh! And the weight? It will drop off and stay off! Full potential? You bet-cha!

Want to learn more? Read about me and what I do here: ABOUT ME.

If this sounds interesting to you, contact me. We'll chat: in person, over the phone, by computer--what ever works!

And this is my Daily Cyn............

Key Ingredients

And this is my Daily Cyn.............

Why I Am Terrified of Relationships.......

Perhaps it's because I've been under the weather for the past few days, but I am beginning to feel a little lonely.  I have a bit of head-cold and a fever. Minor aches and pains. And I am tired. Very tired. So I've been sleeping- a lot. In between slipping in and out of consciousness, I've been thinking how nice it would be to have a loving partner here to occasionally rub my back, prop up the pillows or serve me a cup of hot tea. Then he can go back to whatever he was doing.

 Ahhh.... the perks of being in a relationship and the lonliness that comes with being single. Maybe it's time to start opening myself to the idea of being a part of something- try a relationship one more time. Then again, given my track record, maybe not.

I am terrified of relationships.  After a few failed ones, at forty-nine years old, I don't know how much more disappointment I can take. I don't think I am the problem.  I am far from perfect but I am easy-going, non-demanding, independent, secure. I am not clingy and don't expect to be wined and dined 24/7.  I am not moody or selfish. I'm usually happy and positive and willing to do or try just about anything. I am loving,  forgiving, kind and generous. I think I am pretty good catch so......what's the problem?

Finding guys who want to be with me is never difficult. I just can't seem to find the right guy. They start out right- everything is just peachy- but soon, everything changes. And it's not me......it's THEM! They get lazy. They stop trying. It's like once they know they've got me, they relax and give up. I try harder and eventually I get so frustrated that I stop trying.  Then I bolt;  leaving them completely stunned because they have no idea what went wrong.

I watched a movie called Spread the other day with Ashton Kutcher. He plays an adorable character named Nikki who you don't want to like but can't help but love. In the end, a very sad movie. Nikki is a 'player'. He has all the right words and the perfect moves and a string of girls (young and old)  following him everywhere he went. His advice to guys was this:

"Pretend to enjoy doing everything she does. Like what she likes. Sweep her off her feet by listening to her, holding her, making love to her all night long and then.....once she's hooked on you, you can go back to watching football!"

Oh. My. God! If this doesn't describe every relationship I've been in! Men who appear to be everything I want but once I fall for them, they become something I don't recognize. They are no longer who I first fell in love with and definitely not the kind of guy with whom I would want to spend my time.  But by that point, it's tough to leave because my heart is involved. So I sit there completely puzzled, racking my brains trying to figure out what I did wrong.  I think maybe I can get it back to the way it used to be so I pull out all the stops but nothing works. Eventually I leave, bruised, broken and feeling like a failure.  What I find really amusing is; they never want to leave me.

Perhaps you're thinking I expect too much or that I am too needy. Really, I'm not. I don't expect or need or ask for much. Really, I don't.


I just want a little of this:

Fun times like this...........

Every once in awhile a bit of this...........

A few warm cozy nights like this...........

I would even be happy with this............

And God knows I need lots of this............

And every so often, a little of this...........

I don't think that's too much to ask. I am not asking for big bank accounts, fancy cars and beach-front property. All I want is honesty, time, love and tenderness. I tell guys upfront what I am looking for in a relationship and in the beginning, they are all for it. They say they want exactly the same things. I don't live in fairy-tale land. I know it can't be sunshine and roses all the time. We have lives, jobs, children, aging parents and bills. The wild and crazy, eating, breathing, sleeping that other person 24/7 and those thrilling 'I just can't get enough of you' feelings mellow over time and should evolve into something normal, secure, comfortable and sweet. I don't toss the baby out with the bath water when the newness and excitement of the relationship begins to wear off.

Eventually I have no choice but to give up on relationships because the guy always becomes like this:

Like the Ashton Kutcher character. "Okay, she's hooked. Now I can go back to who I really am!"

And I become a miserable, screaming shrew because all I want is the original guy I fell for. Hold me, kiss me, talk to me, take me some place, show me a little glimpse of the man I love-- anything but THIS!

I have a life. I have friends, interests and things to do. But when I am with a guy, I want to be with him. If I am sharing my life, then I want to live life- with him. I want to do things and go places with him. And when we are spending a quiet evening at home, I need to know he's happy to be there with me. I don't want to compete with what's on TV or his buddies or feel less important than the half-a-dozen naps he takes on Sundays.  I don't want to be told to shut up, turned off or tuned out. I want him to listen to me and if he can't for whatever reason, then TELL ME. Not now, honey, I want unwind, or hear this, watch this, or go for a beer with the guys but later we will talk! If he wants to take a nap, heck, I'll join him. Nothing would make me happier than to curl up in his arms on a lazy afternoon for an hour or two.  If it leads to other things--great. If it doesn't, that's okay, too. What happened to the man who was so happy to just hold me? Doesn't he exist any more? Or I am suddenly unworthy of being held? Sorry guys, but these are some of the endearing qualities you show us that attract us and win us over. When you take them away from us, it hurts.

Sadly, my impression of most men is that they just really want to be left alone. They can spend all day with their buddies, drinking, watching sports and playing cards but it when it comes to women, they really don't want us around. I think they tolerate us just in case they roll over and decide they want us for-- well, you know. Once they get that, they want to be left alone again.  And then they have the audacity to complain when we come to bed wearing a pair of old sweats instead of corsets and garters and thongs!

Hey, there are times I want to be alone, too. At least I have the decency to tell you. Give me an hour to soak in the tub, unwind after work, chat on the phone, do my computer work or watch this program and then I am all yours! I don't understand why I can't find a man willing to give me the same respect. Oh, and a little advice: you want corsets and garters and thongs? Turn off the TV, get out of the recliner and pay attention to me outside of the bedroom. Every night will be a Frederick's of Hollywood fashion show with me! Just sayin.............

This is why I choose not be in relationships. I would rather decide to be alone than be forced to feel that way by some guy. I never give anyone my left-overs. I don't want someone else's. I want it off the top, to be a priority, not some chore you have to finish to shut me up. And so far, I have not found a man who can be this way . Perhaps I am looking in the wrong places. I really don't know. Or maybe, just maybe, every man I've ever been with  never really and truly loved me. That could be it. I mean, come on, when you love someone, don't you want to be with them, spend time, do things, enjoy each other? You don't want to shut them up or shut them out- you want to draw them in and keep them close.

The funny thing is, I am not the only gal who feels this way. Most women I talk to believe they've been duped, fooled by a man who is nothing like the original they fell for. And now they're trapped in this cycle of wishing, hoping and trying to get something back that quite honestly, never really existed.  I am beginning to believe that the heart of a man is so guarded that they very rarely, if ever, truly fall in love. When they do, more power to the women who capture their hearts. And if you are man in love, I am sure your woman doesn't feel she's been fooled because you've always been the real deal with her. And because you love her, you don't pretend to be something other than who you really are. Why? Because if you aren't really what she wants and needs, you love her enough to let her go and find the one who is.

My heart longs to be part of something real so I will keep searching. And I will keep trying. One of these days I will find the one who will fall in love with me and trust me to hold his heart and know I will treasure it like my own.
   
Or.....perhaps when I start feeling better, I will give this up these ridiculous ideas about love and relationships and just go back to enjoying my single life!  Who knows?

But I do know this........I refuse to settle for anything less than the best so until then........happy hunting.............

And this is my Daily Cyn..............

Defining Our True Purpose

We all have a purpose in life. Some know it, MOST do not. If we have no clue what our true purpose is, we wander aimlessly without direction. We are miserable. We lack fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives. We are not living extraordinary lives because we have no idea what we are doing here and what we supposed to be doing while we are here.

Everything in our lives actually points to our true purpose: the good experiences and the bad, every job, every person, every success, failure, every dream. These things influence our inspiration, our passion, our purpose.

What inspires you? Every single human being is inspired by something.  Identify it, write it down, and give yourself permission to do it and have it!

Here is a great video I watched this morning to help encourage and point you in the right direction. Enjoy....

How to Determine Your Purpose

And this is my Daily Cyn........

It's Impossible to Get Without Giving............

It's impossible to get without giving. It's impossible to give without getting -Cynthia

There are certain absolutes in life.

For example:

What goes around comes around............

What goes up must come down.................

We know these principles because we have all experienced them, in one way or another. Do something bad, eventually, something bad will happen to you. Toss a thing up into the air and sooner or later, it will come spiraling or crashing down.

What about getting? Getting what you want-- whatever it is? Love, friendship, success, money, peace?

Most of the time we just sit there- expecting. I want, I want, I want!

But yet, you still don't have........

Perhaps you don't have anything because you don't give anything.

"Cast your bread upon the water and it will come back soon, on every wave."

That's a little church song I used to sing when I was a little girl. I always visualized little loaves of bread washing up on the shore for me.....just because I tossed one loaf out there first.

My LAST loaf of bread? Yes........ give and it will come back.

You can't really get what you want and need if you don't give.

You can try to steal it....but when you rob and steal- it will be taken away. Maybe not right away, but some day. I guarantee it.

You can accumulate all sorts of things by stealing, being dishonest or stepping over others to get what you want. You will never be content. You will live in fear that one day, you will lose it all. This why we become selfish, stingy and greedy. We become hoarders. As a result, we are miserable and alone.

Start giving. Give out of your own need. Give your last dollar to someone who needs it more. Give away your love, your peace, your friendship.

It's impossible NOT to get something back in return.

Not only will you get an abundance of everything you want and need- you will be filled to overflowing with love, peace and security.

And this is my Daily Cyn............

Computer Issues

Yesterday I had a day filled with computer issues. I was completely off-line for the entire day. This is a big problem for me. I spend the majority of my days behind my computer: researching, writing, working with clients. If my computer doesn't work, I don't work. If I can't work, I can't make money!

It all started over the weekend when I discovered an erroneous post from old Twitter account of mine ( I had disabled it a couple of years ago) on my Face Book profile.  I once had that account linked to my Face Book but not any more. I have a completely different Twitter account now. On Sunday, I saw the following post on my Face Book profile from that old Twitter account: I just made $305. Click here!  First of all, I would never post something like that. I don't do internet get-rich quick schemes!

Immediately, I warned all my friends NOT to click the link because I did not post it and it could be a virus! I deleted the post and reported it to Twitter. The next day, a similar post appeared on my Face Book profile.  I can't even describe the sheer terror I felt when I saw it. Could I be the victim of a hacker? Why would someone want to do that to me? Yes, I use my computer for everything but I am pretty boring. I don't do large financial transactions on here, I don't store my personal info, I don't do my banking or transfer funds on-line. I usually only download programs or visit sites recommended by people I know.  Anyone hacking my computer isn't going to find anything other than thousands of vegetarian recipes. I do have a PAYPAL account but that's supposed to be secure, isn't it? WTF???

So, I did what seemed logical.  I tried to do a scan to see if I had any viruses or threats. I must admit, I don't do this often enough. Evidently, I didn't do it at all this year because I quickly discovered my virus protection expired last month. I renewed my subscription, did the scan and had 116 low risk threats. Low risk, high risk, I don't care! I wanted them off so I hit the FIX button.  I also thought it would be a good idea to delete items I didn't want or need because my computer has been operating very slowly lately.  Mission accomplished. I slept peacefully expecting EVERYTHING to be back to normal in the morning.

No such luck! My computer was operating at a snail's pace, freezing, or refusing to load anything at all. My internet connection was fine but Explorer was working slowly and sporadically.  My Twitter, websites, blogs and Face Book (my big links to the outside world) came up but I was unable to see anything, access anything, post or read any messages. All these accounts are linked together but I had changed my passwords and some security settings when I discovered that suspicious Twitter post.  What was going on now? I cleared my cache, disabled and enabled cookies, over and over again. I tried to restore everything back to an earlier date. No improvement. I assumed my Face Book had been hacked (because of that original Twitter post) so I decided to do the unthinkable: create a whole new Facebook profile and  deactivate the old one. I would lose all my friends, my business page and everything. OMG! My heart sank. However, when I tried to create a new profile, my computer wouldn't let me. Eventually, Windows refused to load at all.  I was getting all sorts of failure messages. What was I going to do now? If I couldn't fix this, I would have to buy a new computer. I really didn't want to do that!

I was so frustrated. I didn't want to be angry but I was getting there. I kept getting involved in little projects around the house to distract me. I figured if I kept stepping away from it for awhile, a resolution would eventually dawn on me.  Around nine o'clock last night it finally came to me: restore everything back to factory condition. This would delete everything I have on here but, my computer should function exactly the same way as when I first purchased it. I took a deep breath and hit RESTORE! This process took hours and I was a nervous wreck. When it was complete, my computer worked perfectly. I lost quite a few programs, documents and photos but overall-problem solved! I still have no clue what happened to my computer or if it was actually hacked but I learned a few lessons.

 Here's what I learned:

1. Exercise EXTREME caution when visiting unfamiliar websites.
2. Never download anything I am not certain is secure and trust-worthy.
3. Think twice before adding my email address to anything.
4. All those sites like Google and Twitter asking for my location- CLICK NO! People don't really need to know the location of my favorite restaurant, that I am shopping at the local Whole Foods, or which music venue I am at.
5. Only accept friend requests on Facebook from people I know or friends of friends. No strangers! SORRY!
6.  All those fun Face Book Apps? Each time I click on those, I am giving permission to some unknown person or group to access my personal information. No more free hugs, flowers, hearts, or finding out what year I am going to die!
7. Carefully review the profiles of those who are following me on Twitter and those I choose to follow in return. If they are unquestionable: ignore, unfollow or report them.
8.  Routinely scan my computer for threats and viruses. 116 THREATS! That's alot-even if they were low risk. A risk is a risk. We should take risks in life but we don't need to compromise the integrity of our personal information!
9.  Don't delete anything from the hard drive unless I'm absolutely sure I don't need it. If I am not sure- ASK someone! I think in my over-zealous deleting of programs, I eliminated something very important and essential from the actual operating system. BAD mistake!
10.  Back up my data onto an external drive. I never do this! I lost everything- including the novel I was working on. Thankfully, I printed it most of it but now I have to type it in all over again. The same with my precious photos. I never saved them elsewhere so now they are ALL GONE!
11. Clear my browsing history regularly. You can tell an awful lot about people by checking the sites and pages they visit. It's like going through their trash cans. I don't want anyone knowing personal details of my life unless I choose to share them.

I have to admit yesterday was quite a productive day, despite the fact I couldn't get any computer work done. I cleaned my house top to bottom ( a great way to channel anger), did several loads of wash, actually picked up the phone and TALKED to people rather than chatting on Face Book, put all my old papers and magazines out on the curb for recycling, and soaked in a nice warm bath (that's where the bright idea of restoring the computer to factory condition came to me).  I also took some preventative measures just in case my computer was hacked.

1. I called my bank to alert them to any erroneous, out of the ordinary charges.
2. I changed every user id and password to everything. And I clicked no when asked if I want that information to be saved. It's not that big of a deal to type in a password each time I access a site.
3. I put a password on my computer so no one can access it
4. I cancelled all my credit and debit cards and requested new ones.

I don't know if this will all help, but it certainly can't hurt. At least I rest a little easier now.

I am very happy to be up and running again. Now it's time to get busy so I can make some money!

And this is my Daily Cyn........

Don't Tell Me How Wonderful You Are......

This past Saturday night was my first time 'out' as a single gal. Most you already know I ended a two year relationship about four months ago. Since then, I've been keeping busy with work and caring for Dad.  Quite honestly, I am not all that enthusiastic about getting back into the swing of full-blown single life again.

It's been ages since I had a Girls' Night Out, so when my phone rang around ten on Saturday night with an invitation to go to our favorite place and dance a little, I jumped right to it. I was slightly stir crazy after being cooped up in the house working all day.  I have been waiting to step out in the great new sandals I bought months ago yet haven't had an opportunity to wear.  I slipped them on, fixed my hair and makeup and was out the door in minutes flat. Didn't have to ask me twice! It really is time for me to start getting back out there.

I had a wonderful time dancing and hanging out with my girlfriends. I reconnected with a few old friends and met some new ones. There was one particular middle-aged man there who decided to plop himself right next to me. He asked if he could buy me a drink to which I replied, "No, thank you, I'm not drinking." He then tried to strike up a conversation with me. One thing about me, I am cordial and I talk to everyone. I figure, if a guy has enough nerve to actually come up and try to talk to me, I'll listen for a few minutes. If I find him interesting, I will stay. If not, I politely excuse myself and move to another spot. He gets the message, no one gets hurt, and I don't get labeled as a bitch. This guy sat there beside me and told me how beautiful I was. Ok, I was listening. I mean, honestly, who doesn't want to hear that? Then he started talking about how wonderful he was. That's where he lost me and despite the fact that I kept turning my back to him and engaging in conversation with my friends, he wasn't getting the message. Truth be told, my feet were killing me (darn my new sandals) and I just didn't feel like getting up.  Why should I? I was sitting there first. This guy was persistent.  He went on and on about how great, honest and successful he was and kept insisting on buying buy me a drink. I kept refusing.

Now when a guy asks to buy you a drink you answer either Yes or No. Yes, means I would like to have a drink with YOU. No, means I don't want to have a drink with YOU.  This guy kept asking and I kept declining. It took every ounce of self-control to not grab him by the throat and say, "What part of I'm not drinking don't you understand?"

I suppose I could have taken it a step further and said, "Look. I am not drinking tonight but if I was, I would not want to have drink with YOU!"  He would have gotten the message loud and clear and just moved on to some other girl. It also could have caused quite a scene if he got angry enough so I decided to do the next best thing. I got up and moved. He followed. I couldn't get away from this guy and in between his constant hounding to please join him in a drink and admonishing me because I chose not to drink at all, he continued to tell me what a perfect gentleman he was. He knew how to treat and spoil a lady and he would love to take me dinner and get to know me. Oh, and he was a stand-up, trust-worthy guy. He was a cop. He tried to show me his badge and everything. Cops don't really do it for me, especially cops who get hammered in bars and then get in their cars and drive home.

I kept trying to move away from this guy and each time I did, he followed. He was drinking Scotch. Neat. One after the next. This guy was a real drinker and not exactly the type I am looking for. Not anymore. Eventually he got a little sloppy and told me he was married with two kids. I don't think this was intentional. It must have just accidentally slipped out because alcohol can be like a truth serum. I quickly glanced at his left ring finger and guess what? No ring. That's when I lost it. I looked him straight in the eye and said "You are not a great and wonderful guy. You are married, drunk and hitting on a girl in bar!" BINGO!! He mumbled an expletive or two that I will not repeat and left.

Here's the thing. This guy evidently was a real creep. He was married and out on the prowl looking for a little fun that night. Even if he wasn't married, I felt he was disrespectful to me and my decision not to drink that evening. He kept trying to push me to do something I did not wish to do. When that didn't work, he tried shaming me into it. Since I wasn't accepting his free drinks (guys sometimes do this because they know alcohol clouds our judgement of them) he thought he could seduce me with a little sweet talk and by trying to tell me how wonderful he was. I saw right through all that and my initial opinion of him was confirmed when he accidentally told me he was married. 

We are not always that lucky or that smart. Sometimes it takes awhile before we realize the mistake we made in judging and trusting someone based on their words alone. I could have been fooled, had I not already had some experience in this area. First night out as a single girl, still a bit broken-hearted after a failed relationship, easily swayed by the flattery of the first guy I meet. Or, I could have been drinking and my senses somewhat off kilter. I could have taken his persistence as a compliment and BAM!! Before I know it, I'm entangled with a married man.

This might be a dramatic example but there is a moral to my story. It doesn't matter where you meet someone. It could be at bar, at work or the grocery store. It makes no difference if you've just made their acquaintance or you've known them for years. Here's a word of advice: if a man (or woman) is truly a wonderful, honest, genuine stand-up, trust-worthy person, they will not need to tell you or constantly remind you. They already know their actions speak louder than words. The person who continuously needs to exalt himself is overcompensating for his lack of true character. Don't fall for it. In fact, when a person tells you too many good things about himself, he is actually revealing who he really is- a person you don't want to be with.

I am searching for some one truly wonderful. But I am way beyond the 'tell me stage'. Don't tell me how wonderful you are, don't flatter me, follow me or offer to buy me drinks. Just be yourself and if you really are wonderful, I will discover that all by myself.

And this is my Daily Cyn.......